Too fat to lose weight?

[Be1atrix]

Please don’t jump on me, I really need help :(

I am 5 foot and 21 stone. I cannot cope with being this big anymore. My weight ballooned after a trauma and now I just seem stuck. I have no fitness or stamina and my efforts so far have me feeling worse than ever.

I went swimming and could only manage ten mins before I thought I was going to be sick and had to get out.

I went for a walk today and made it 7 mins before I had to sit on a bench with a spinny head. Walking back I had pains in my calves that brought tears to my eyes.

Please help. What should I do? I can’t go to a gym like this and wouldn’t know where to start. I know I need to build up my stamina but I just don’t know how. I’ve tried slimming world a few times but lack willpower.

I think I’m going to die if I don’t change. I want to see my kids grow up.

OP, look up a book called Stop Counting Calories and Start to Lose Weight. Changed my life xx

OP, you can do it. You need a different attitude to your achievements. Swimming for 10 mins until you feel sick will have been very good strenuous exercise. Go back. Swim for 7-8 mins instead of 10. Rest for 10 - just wallow in the water, catch your breath and then try to swim for another 5-7 mins.

Walking for 7 mins at 20 stone is great. You reach a bench, rest for 15 mins - read a book if you like, then walk home. That's a 14 minute round trip of exercise. Do that every day until you find you need a shorter rest stop. Then increase the walk by 1-2 minutes each way.

At home, do arm raises and when sitting down do leg raises and ankle circles. Every tiny bit helps.

For food, focus on drinking 2l of water and eating 8 portions of fruit and veg per day. Once you have ensured you are meeting these targets, reduce other foods - mainly white flour and sugar - processed foods and snacks.

I think someone of your size would really benefit from a group like slimming world or weight watchers. Food is the most important thing when losing weight and the support of other people in the same boat could really help. I did slimming World many years ago. If you follow the plan you'd see big drops initially, and it really is easy to follow. I don't think SW is a long term solution personally, but would be a good kick start and re-educate you around cooking. Good luck x

To increase willpower, instead of berating yourself for 'only' managing a 7 minute walk or a 10 minute swim give yourself a pat on the back for it.

I had to teach my autistic teen to swim. He could only manage half a length (barely that) for the first month of us trying. I had to hold him up under his stomach while he splashed around, so embarassed that he was 13 and couldn;t swim. Within a year, he was swimming a mile in one go! We just increased what he did each week by a small amount until he could do one length unaided. then we'd do 6-8 of those with a break between each one. Then a break between each 2. But the main thing was, every week, he got loads of praise. We set small goals and built in big rewards. He got a big diet Sprite from MacDonalds after every swim. (I know they're not ideal but diet drinks are great rewards after exercise when you start trying to lose weight)

Focus on being really proud and celebratory of what you are doing not judgemental over what you're not doing.

If "just stop eating so much /often" simply isn't possible for you then try this xx

7 minutes walking is a good start. Well done.

Work out another route that has a bench 30 yards further (maybe a park with a circular walk) and try that one next week.

Don’t lose heart. Any exercise where you manage 10 meters more than last time, is an achievement. Good for you.

everyone is different but the only thing that ever worked for me was calories in, calories out. I ate all the same meals as before but found ways to cut out the calories by swapping things out for lower cal options and still letting myself eat anything I liked as long as it was a smaller serving... any exercise is good (as long as you don't hurt yourself) even if it's a 10 minute walk one week, a 15 minute walk the next, I'm cheering you on OP x

It does work but it's not sustainable for a lot of people.

And it is sustainable for others. Horses for courses. Our bodies aren't designed for potatoes, bread and pasta, they are designed for Hunter-gathering. Lots of protein and fat, fruit and veg, very little processed carbs and almost no sugar. Depending on geography.

I don't think chicken stir fry, eggs on spinach, cheese omelette with asparagus sounds unhealthy and faddy but whatever.

Been there.

Ten minutes swimming is lot harder than 30 minutes AquaFit. The rest of the time, just being in the pool and moving is a good warm down.

In terms of reducing, I'd decrease refined carbohydrates - white bread, pasta, pastry - and try to not have them at all for a while, as they inevitably also include high fat but don't make you feel full. Don't cut out potatoes, though, as they are a far better choice, especially baked or steamed in their skins, because they are a carb with fibre and vitamin C. Swap out any butter with soft cheese - you still get calcium, you still get richness and flavour, but just fewer calories in the process.

Refined sugars are pointless - things like fizzy drinks, sweets, cake/biscuits (but if you are not having white flour/baked goods, cake isn't on your list anyhow).

Weightbearing exercise is an injury risk (as my bolloxed lower joints and plantar fascia can testify), so don't do it yet. A five minute walk with good, supportive trainers designed for heavy runners will be enough to start with. Later on, you could look into beginners' yoga or some gym work - you could use the weights machines without any issue and the standard Concept II rowing machine is perfectly fine for your weight. Increasing your muscle mass will immediately start you using more energy in a day and if you feel stronger, you feel good and are more able to do that extra minute.

I always reasoned with myself that I'd go for ten minutes if I didn't feel like it. 'Ten minutes and I can go home'. Thing is, after ten minutes, I'd say 'another five' and by that time, I'd be warmed up, the endorphins would start and I'd feel good enough to stay longer.

Are there foods that you like that are seen as 'healthy'? Do you like strawberries, pineapple, salmon, chicken breast? Can you see yourself as having a sweet treat by buying whatever fruit you like and turning it into a smoothie with milk/oat milk, a splash of yoghurt and a banana? Or cook a piece of salmon (including the skin) in a pan and then chuck it on a massive bowl of salad and avocado chunks?

Do you like soup? If so, you don't need to have tins of the stuff which are full of dairy, fat, sugar and other additives - freshly boiled veg, a potato and good stock makes a fresh tasting soup. You could put small pieces of cooked meat into stock and add a handful of frozen veg, then top with some soy sauce and chilli flakes.

In all honesty, the things that I'd suggest you lay off at the moment are the ones that have the most ability to affect your mood/how you feel with the lowest nutrient levels - white flour, sugar, pasta, fat for fat's sake - meat and fish, fruit and veg and leaves will feed you brilliantly.

Add a multivitamin, get your vitamin D levels checked, as they're likely to be really low (and if so, take the prescribed supplements if they're so low as to need the high doses you can't buy OTC), which can affect your mood hugely.

And remember - if you are outside for five minutes in daylight, you're outside for five minutes more than you were yesterday. That's 35 minutes light exercise in a week. If you were to add in an AquaFit class and one other half hour thing (even floating around the pool on a Thursday), that's about 100 minutes of exercise in a week - or 15 minutes a day all year.

If weight/eating is an emotive issue for you then fad diets like keto, paleo, weight watchers, slimming world etc are only going to make you feel like shit when you can't stick to them as most people can't, in the long run. Counting calories doesn't mean massively restricting, it just means making sure you burn more than you consume. With the weight you said you are, you'll have plenty of calories to play with. My Fitness Pal is a really good app to help you as it calculates your BMR and tells you how much you need to eat based on your weight, height and activity level. Please don't get obsessive and try anything drastic, your situation is totally fixable, just be sensible and carry on doing small amounts of exercise when you can as it's great for your health and wellbeing. Also, please don't take this the wrong way but as a previous poster said, it might be that you need to address the trauma that you've suffered before you can properly tackle the weight gain, as you've said you believe they are directly linked. I wish you all the best!

If weight/eating is an emotive issue for you then fad diets like keto, paleo, weight watchers, slimming world etc are only going to make you feel like shit when you can't stick to them as most people can't, in the long run.

Stop talking nonsense. Because low carb doesn't give you the highs and lows of sugar/carbs you aren't the the addictive cycle of craving sweets to make you feel good. In the same way people who drink for emotional reasons give up alcohol, people craving sugar for emotional reasons can give it up.

Long term is different and there are ways to slowly introduce healthy brown carbs.

As others have said it’s more diet than exercise for weight loss, although exercise is great for cardio health.
I’m overweight too, and trying to focus on making better food choices and doing more that gets me out and about walking.
You did 7 minutes! That’s great! Next time, do 5 minutes, find a bench and sit down for a few minutes, then do another 5, then walk back. That’s 20 mins!
Swimming is so great because it’s non weight bearing - again, take frequent breaks and push a little further each time.
You can do it x

Op I just saw you are doing DBT - I hope it helps you, I am also doing it and I've found it really helpful, especially with regards to food and eating issues, it's a long journey but you'll get there!

I think you need the support of a group like SW, with a good leader.

My SW Leader had my phone number and if I ever missed a meeting on purpose because hadn’t lost weight, she would text me and ask me where I was and to check that I was coming the week after.

Well done for what you've achieved OP, 7 minutes walking and ten minutes swimming is a great start.

I'd also recommend getting the MyFitnessPal app, lots of people underestimate how many calories they're eating and drinking every day. Weigh all of your ingredients when you're cooking - there's all sorts of gimmicky crap on the market but the only kit you need is a vegetable steamer and a decent pair of kitchen scales.

I was in your situation Be1atrix.. I had been to WW/Sw for years. Lost 2 gained three.. lost FIVE !! gained 7 until I was 19 stone 7..

I did the research. Look at Professor Rachel Batterham . Runs the Obesity research centre at UCL. Not YouTube. Not a fad diet.. simple scientific FACT.

Your chances of losing enough to get to a healthy weight are 1:700+ and of those lucky '1's' over 73% put all on and more within 5 years.

This is not palatable information for MN mantra of diet and exercise. It is nevertheless the unquestioned truth. The only people who lose pounds at diet club are the companies .

You qualify for Bariatric surgery. I had this in 2009. I lost 9 stone and have never put it back on. HOWEVER ... do not be tempted to go private. You qualify for NHS surgery and with that comes a year of preparation AND two years of follow up including psychological and dietary support.

It changed my life.

To qualify you need a BMI of 35 or above with a serious health issue. (Sleep apnoea, arthritis, high BP etc) Or BMI 40 plus where you don't need additional illnesses. You have to push though.. it won't be offered. Just say you want a referral.

I couldn't walk more than 50fert without stinking back pain. I am now back to sailing/riding and best of all WALKING FOR HOURS...

Good luck.

@Feminazgul

How much carbohydrate does a person need and what happens if they dont get enough?

It varies from person to person.

I can safely have around 75-90g of low/ med carbs a day and still lose weight.

That's lowish but not super low carbs.

A really restrictive carb intake is around 20g and puts the body into 'ketosis', this means ketones are present and excreted in the urine due to the body burning fat rather than carbohydrates as fuel.

When you are in this state you have to monitor closely and drink lots of water to keep things flushed through as it can put strain on the kidneys.

I won't and don't need to put my body through this. I'm happy to eat 25 -30 healthy carbs for each meal which keeps my blood sugar stable and my body out of ketosis.

Aside from fruit, only ever eat food when you are sitting down at a table with the food on a plate, and eat it with a knife and fork. Put your knife and fork down between each mouthful, and wait until you swallow before putting more food on the fork. Chew slowly and thoroughly, and really taste and appreciate each mouthful.

Whenever you feel hungry, drink a small glass of water first (even a few sips will do) and say to yourself that you will wait a minute before eating anything.

Being outside in the fresh air will make a real difference to how you feel, and you will sleep better. Even if you only walk up and down the street a little way to start with, every little helps. Do it lamp post by lamp post. Every few days, add another to the distance.

Well done for starting, I'm a very similar weight and only a few inches taller.

Snacking is my downfall too, I've made the change of not taking crisps to work with me. Can't eat them if they aren't there (work in middle of nowhere), even that made a difference in the start.

Where you are our size even a teeny wee change like this makes a difference.

What helps me is to keep my hands busy with crochet in the evening when I'm likely to want to snack. Also I think it's better to diet with real food, as it means a change of diet for life. I think some people think 'yay, my diet's over I can eat what I like ', whereas the truth is you have to eat like you are on the diet to stay that weight. Exercise is good because it develops muscle which burns more calories than fat. It's also good for your mental health. I eat less when I've exercised. I recommend My Fitness Pal to use for calorie counting. Could some of your therapy help you understand your relationship with food? I also needed therapy to help me understand why I eat and recognising my emotions. I have abusive parents and I'm autistic so not good at identifying emotions.

Keep going OP. I got tunnel vision during the first couch25k session which was basically a jog for 30 seconds. I can run for an hour now. It takes time but little by little you'll be able to do more. Change habits bit by bit.

It sounds like you're jumping in at the deep end. To put in into perspective for you, I am a similar height and weight and am working with a physiotherapist to improve my strength and mobility. I go twice a week and she expects me to do between a minimum of 2 minutes on the treadmill and maximum of 5. The aim is to be able to do 5 minutes once my strength and stamina improves. The rest of the time is using exercise machines which build strength in my back and leg muscles.

So be kind to yourself and take it slow and steady.

Ignore the people telling you to diet, terrible advice

listen to people suggesting intermittent fasting, the latest research really supports this, good luck!

Pack in the protein which will help you feel more full to help prevent snacking and consider something that will keep your hands and mind busy like crochet.

Just wanted to say swimming for 10 minutes is a brilliant achievement, and it's non weight bearing so you should be really proud. And the walking. It is true that weight loss is 80% in the kitchen, I'm another advocate of my fitness pal, but also some GP surgeries can offer free sessions with WW or SW so that might be worth asking about. But the most vital thing is that you want this, determination is THE most important part of any weight loss and exercise regime, find what works for you and keep us updated please ? Xx