Too fat to lose weight?

[Be1atrix]

Please don’t jump on me, I really need help :(

I am 5 foot and 21 stone. I cannot cope with being this big anymore. My weight ballooned after a trauma and now I just seem stuck. I have no fitness or stamina and my efforts so far have me feeling worse than ever.

I went swimming and could only manage ten mins before I thought I was going to be sick and had to get out.

I went for a walk today and made it 7 mins before I had to sit on a bench with a spinny head. Walking back I had pains in my calves that brought tears to my eyes.

Please help. What should I do? I can’t go to a gym like this and wouldn’t know where to start. I know I need to build up my stamina but I just don’t know how. I’ve tried slimming world a few times but lack willpower.

I think I’m going to die if I don’t change. I want to see my kids grow up.

Try ketogenic. Carbs and sugars are going to hold you back.

The trick is to find a new way of eating that works for you as it will need to be a permanent change.

Theres no point signing up for all these different weight loss plans if they arent sustainable for you long term.

What kind of foods do you like OP? If you can cut out carbs long term then that's a good place to start.

I know previous posters are trying to help but I really wouldn't recommend cutting out any food group, fasting, or doing any other fad-type diets. There are no 'bad' foods, and your metabolism works the same no matter what time you eat. Eating a little bit of everything plus upping your fruit and veg intake, while monitoring your daily calorie intake is the best way to do it. I also wouldn't recommend losing weight too quickly - 1lb a week is best if its something you want to be able to sustain long-term. Aim for slow and steady weight loss. The small amount of exercise you are doing is great! Try increasing it a small amount every day, and don't beat yourself up about it. You will get there :)

It's great you want to be more active, but your primary focus needs to be on your diet, can I ask what you're doing there?

Doing a little exercise and building up stamina as you loose weight is the way to go, but it's your diet you need to focus primarily on.

I know previous posters are trying to help but I really wouldn't recommend cutting out any food group

I think maybe you're confused. Low carb is not no carb, clearly. As the words show this, so obviously not cutting out any food group. There is even carbs in cucumber. It is always best to either read the thread properly or know what you're talking about before posting on a thread like this.

The beauty of any exercise for me, although not the main factor in achieving weight loss, is that mentally I feel so much better about myself and I am then less likely to reach for unhealthy foods / eat too much as I don't want to ruin all my good work. I also hate to exercise when I feel full and sluggish so that regulates my eating too without consciously "dieting". I'd keep on with the walking and swimming and you'll be surprised how much easier it gets quite quickly.

Exercise is a small part of losing weight, but a big part of improving your mood, improving your fitness, toning up and building muscle. If you are taking exercise, you aren’t going to be sitting around eating.

But you have to change the way you approach eating and the reasons you have put on weight. Your eating habits have to be different.

You can do it all gradually though. Any massive change has to be gradual.

Don't give up because it's initially difficult! OK you managed 7 mins walking on day 1. On day 2 aim for 10 mins, then 13 mins etc. Your body will get used to it very quickly, you'll see. Try 16/8. I swear by it and it changed my life. Eat healthy meals (but not diet food) in an 8 hour window that works for you. Could be 8am to 4pm or 10am to 6pm or noon to 8pm. I do this. I eat a lot, big portions of nutritious foods and occasional treats. I don't count calories, I don't eat low fat anything (I adore butter, olive oil, cheese- it makes me feel full and satisfied). It doesn't feel like a diet in any way because I don't deprive myself of anything. As long as you don't eat for 16 hours (most of which is spent in bed) the weight comes off. My appetite has completely changed after 30 years of yoyo dieting. You can do this.

Can I just say lots of good advice here.
Also well done on starting this journey

@Be1atrix

You mention weight gain as a result of trauma.

Has this trauma been dealt with / resolved.

Without tackling what has caused you to overeat and gain so much weight, you may find things difficult.

However, it can be done and my advice is to view it as a lifestyle change and not a quick fix.

Use MFP and log everything you eat over a few days. Then look at where you can make changes. There are so many 'swaps' even things likes wholemeal pasta or brown rice for the white version. Swap anything spud related to sweet potato or new potatoes. Swap full fat milk for semi skimmed, swap soft drinks for low cal varieties. Swap fatty meats for lean meats, swap anything with breadcrumbs to non breadcrumbs. Don't double carb in a meal. Portion contral carbs (especially in evening meal). Drink lots of water.

I am not being facetious (I am a similar height with several stones to loose) but you weigh a lot and you didn't get there by eating massive amounts of healthy stuff.

Ditch the junk food - take away, convenience foods, sugary snacks. Ditch alcohol. Stock up on fruits and nuts. Don't have temptation to hand.

I found low GI quite good - if you want a recommendation for a particular plan - but the main thing is, it has to be sustainable.

Exercise can wait. But you've done an amazing job starting to even think about it. Maybe set some goals.
7 minutes walking every other day this week
7 minutes everyday next week
8 minutes everyday the week after

And so on.

I really do feel for you. I'm deeply unhappy and gained a lot of weight due to depression and illness. It's much harder to loose than to gain but it can be done!!!

Bluntness, I'm not confused in the slightest. I know from my own experience that focusing on 'low' anything isn't a good idea if you want sustainable weight loss. I was posting in response to someone suggesting the ketogenic diet. Indeed that would not be cutting out carbs completely but doesn't really allow for any bread, pasta or potatoes, which are part of a healthy diet. I did read the full thread and I do know what I'm talking about.

Hi op. Forget exercise. It's all about calories. At your weight it's likely your metabolism is screwed and you will need to eat hundreds of calories a day less than other women your height to maintain a healthy weight. read this article www.nytimes.com/2016/05/02/health/biggest-loser-weight-loss.html

I had weight loss surgery seven months ago at your weight and have now lost seven stone. If you can find the money I thoroughly recommend it

weight is primarily lost via extremely accurate calorie control - exercise just helps a bit it's not the main thing. I've lost 7 stone and still happily going so do know a thing or two about it.

I saw the doctor and had 6 x monthly weigh ins with a dietitian. Like a slimming club except free. It kept me accountable and I just did my own thing using the 'lose it' app and as mentioned before... accurate calorie control. Weigh everything, no guessing, no deluding yourself.

I'd also recommend a weeks very low cal kick-start as that totally reset my appetite. I was previously the hungriest person in the world. Not a crash diet at all just a week only, moving to a more sustainable and sensible level of calories after that. I wish I'd done that years ago.

Two simple changes to watch the weight fall off.

1. Buy a 9 inch plate for your main meals, you can eat seconds, it's fools your brain as you see a full plate before you.

1. Swap out the high carb items on your plate for low- medium GI foods.

For example mash would be replaced by sauté new potatoes.
Pasta would be mixed with a vegetable to reduce the overall carbs. Or swap out pasta all together for a plant based plate.

Don't focus on reducing fat but don't consume large amounts either.

For a sweet tooth you can enjoy 75% chocolate and nuts. Portion these out!
You can enjoy home made baked egg custard, and sugar free jelly with fruit set into it with cream. These don't impact your blood sugar. I've recently made a trifle for Christmas using very low carb flour to make a sponge base and used this with fruit and sugar free jelly. With custard and double cream, nobody realised I'd swapped it!

I've recently discovered a super fine flour that's 1/4 of the carbs of white flour and I'm making pizza and pasta using it.

Hovis do a low carb seeded sensation bread that is 4.5 net carbs per slice. I have that with boiled eggs or in any combination that calls for bread. Fab for sandwiches.

By stabilising your blood sugar by choosing medium or lower GI foods your appetite will self regulate. You won't need to be constantly hungry or thinking of food. It releases you. The best thing about it is you loose weight without having to do much.

The last 22lbs fell off without me trying. It had changed me. It's not a diet. It's a way of choosing healthier foods.

To be clear, I am talking about food groups. Carbohydrates are bread, pasta, cereals, potatoes etc. The ketogenic diet generally doesn't allow for those as ketosis requires you to eat a very small amount of carbs per day. When I was on the diet I had to stay at around 30g although it varies from person to person. Of course carbs are present in fruit and vegetables but they are a separate food group. On keto you can eat them but not exactly in abundance. It does work but it's not sustainable for a lot of people.

I know from my own experience that focusing on 'low' anything isn't a good idea if you want sustainable weight loss

Right, so low fat, low sugar, low calorie, low carb is all out for you, irrelevant of the scientific evidence, and the anecdotal.

That's fine, but please try to accept that you are not the oracle and other people's experience and scientific research counts jist as much as your opinion.

Why not post and say this is the way to do it, not don't listen to anyone but me.

The important thing to remember is that you didn’t get to this size overnight so you aren’t going to be a size 10 overnight either. Don’t get discouraged with slow and steady weight loss, it’s a marathon not a sprint. Ultimately though you just have to bite the bullet and get on with it; all the excuses in the world won’t help you achieve your goals.

All you need to do is reduce your calories and try and gradually increase your walking op. Please don’t listen to any of the posters telling you to eat 1200 or 800 calories a day; that just isn’t sustainable and you won’t be able to stick to it. At your weight you will be able to eat at least 2000 calories a day, probably even 2500 and still lose weight. I weigh 18 stone and can lose a couple of pounds a week on 2000 calories a day. Download MyFitnessPal and have a look at Team RH on Facebook.

Good luck

How much carbohydrate does a person need and what happens if they dont get enough?

Don't start any drastic eating plans or set restrictive limits such as 1000 calories a day. At this stage of wanting to lose weight you aren't going to be able to sustain something like that. I went through a stressful time and was only eating 1000-1200 calories a day and was thoroughly bollocked by my GP for it as too few calories over a sustained period is just as bad for you as too many.

Start off simple. Download My Fitness Plan and enter in your details - height, weight, activity level, and goals.

The app will tell you how many calories a day you should aim for each day in order to lose weight at a healthy rate (I'd aim for 1-2lb a week to begin with). You'd be surprised at how many calories you can have and still lose weight.

Record everything you eat and drink. The app isn't going to judge you so be honest.

I use My Fitness Pal to maintain my weight as it helps me be to mindful of what I'm eating, I tend to starve myself when stressed and overeat when content so I use it to keep myself on an even keel. I aim for up to 500 calories at breakfast (two weetabix with milk and a spoon of honey is only 260 calories and I have either a banana or persimmon along with it), up to 500 calories for lunch, and up to 1000 for dinner. Obviously it all depends on exactly what we are having for meals on any given day and those are my maximums, most days I reach around the 1700-1800 calorie mark and I certainly don't skimp myself on what I have. DC are going to McDonalds for a quick dinner after dance class tonight and I'll be having a hamburger and fries for mine (480 calories).

Wow, thanks so much to everyone taking the time to reply. There’s so much to take in, I’m going to really thoroughly read each post properly over the next few days.

I am having therapy twice a week for my trauma which started in December. I’m also having DBT.

Yes- move more, eat less. I know I just need to do it. I have been the same size now for five years, how I haven’t developed diabetes I have no idea.

We eat quite good meals but then I ruin it by endlessly snacking.

If you know snacking is your downfall then there are ways around it. The first is to have healthy snacks in a bowl, in the fridge, so when you go hunting around the kitchen there is something there that's ready prepared, reasonably low calorie, and can satisfy that hand-to-mouth snacking urge but won't derail you. Chopped cucumber and celery, cherry tomatoes, chicken pieces, apple slices dusted with cinnamon, etc.

Another approach is to keep your hands busy. Do you know how to do any crafts like knitting or crochet or drawing? If not then are there any you fancy learning? Crochet keeps my hands busy and it's a series of small, repetitive actions just like eating. If not crafting then an adult colouring book and pens, painting your nails, writing in a journal, jigsaw, etc.

Please don't go on any extreme diet and cut whole food groups out or shakes. It can mess with your health long term. You know where you are going wrong maybe cut out the snacks and reduce what you eat. Be aware of food groups and portion size. It probably would be advisable to go to a GP/nurse for further support too.

Also exercise isn't the way to lose weight in comparison to diet that may be true. However it is so so good for us. It will make you feel better when you achieve even something small. So keep up that little 5 min walk. You'll soon manage an extra minute and so on. If you want to still swim. Do a length or two then just walk around the pool then maybe a little more. It's all a start.

Start small with very achievable goals. Your mood and outlook will improve so quickly when you achieve them which will spur you on.

It's great that you are getting counselling for your trauma as your mind needs to heal and be part of your getting healthy process.

You have made a tremendous start and should feel very proud of yourself.

Finding your sustainable long term eating patterns will help you reach your goal but I'd also like to encourage gentle activity. Not for weight loss but for well being, for mood and for a sense of success and achievement that might help keep you motivated. I'm not remotely suggesting you transform into a gym bunny, but gentle walking shouldn't damage you and with time you will be likely to be pleasantly surprised at how much more you can do and feel proud of yourself.

It's not a case of move to lose weight, but to move to feel good and have the energy to carry on losing weight.

It's not your fault.

Please read this book: www.amazon.co.uk/Obesity-Code-unlocking-secrets-weight/dp/1925228797/ref=sr_1_1?hvlocphy=1007118&hvnetw=g&keywords=jason+fung+obesity+code&hvadid=259020323943&qid=1578663155&gclid=CjwKCAiA3uDwBRBFEiwA1VsajL1db64S0VVTyJUj_f9kXhyJZHgcstoFbaizyiaKs1JLrtxFzS6edBoCn-wQAvD_BwE&hydadcr=12330_1769725&hvpos=1t2&hvdev=c&hvqmt=e&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&hvtargid=kwd-301595479436&adgrpid=55982318834&hvrand=7292878930750207103&sr=8-1

Or watch Jason Fung here:

Understanding obesity is key to your success in getting back your health.