Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Letting dd10 give up piano lessons

101 replies

Chickenitalia · 07/01/2020 12:52

Looking for opinions please.

Dd10 has had piano lessons since she was 7. She has done grade 1 and did well, but since September it has been a battle to get her to practice at home. She complains bitterly about going to lessons although does go and then plays nicely when she is there. Her teacher is very nice and incredibly patient, and has told her that she needs to practice to improve etc but it now at the point that she has done nothing over the holidays despite constant reminders, and she exploded in a rage when I mentioned we would be going to piano later.
She just doesn’t seem to want to put in the effort and doesn’t much enjoy it now, where at the start she really did. And it’s expensive, £350 for this term. She has an aptitude for music but isn’t especially talented at it, though I think she could do well enough if she wanted to.

She does other activities and loves them, is happy to work on badges for Guides at home, practice her dance routines, sing for choir, go swimming. So she does other things outside school.

I think I should just let her quit piano before she gets turned off music altogether. If she decided to try something else in the future that’s fine.
DH thinks ‘we’ should insist she carries on, but it’s not him having to do the insisting! It’s exhausting and I just think that money could be spent on other things, not that the cost is the main issue.

I need to make a decision ASAP as we have to give a terms notice, the teacher is very in demand so the space will be filled so there’s not likely to be a chance to change minds back again, at least not quickly.

Sorry for the essay, wanted to include all the details!
Would you let dd quit (after Easter now) or would you insist?
Have you been in this position and what did you do, any regrets?
Thanks for reading.

OP posts:
ChilliandLemon · 07/01/2020 12:56

I would let her quit. Have you told her this will happen?

£350 is a crazy amount of money to waste and it sounds like she’s doing a lot already. it’s all very well your DH insisting she carries on but you can’t force her.

SheShriekedShrilly · 07/01/2020 13:00

I would say she can give up, but she needs to do another instrument, her choice (within reason, in terms of cost and availability of teacher). It worked for my dd2, she swopped from the much-hated piano and is now progressing fast on the cornet, which she really enjoys and doesn’t mind practising (she still needs reminding, but it’s not a battle).

TeenPlusTwenties · 07/01/2020 13:00

Let her quit. She's given it a good go, and does other activities.
Even having learned to grade 1 will help her when she does music at secondary school.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

10 year olds Families Music
StarUtopia · 07/01/2020 13:03

Did I read that right? She's now 10, been doing it since she was 7, but she's only passed Grade 1?

I started at 7 and was at Grade 5 by 10 . Just one lesson a week.

I would say it sounds like the teacher isn't very good!

Either way, you're wasting your money.

Original poster
Chickenitalia · 07/01/2020 13:03

I’ve said we will revisit all her activities at Easter and see what works as the time for dance changes which affects other things. Her reaction was that she wants to drop piano but loves everything else. So I’ve not committed to a position just yet! However the piano lessons need a decision now because of the notice required. She doesn’t need to know that though.

OP posts:
Seeline · 07/01/2020 13:04

I would let her quit. If she is not enjoying it, what is the benefit? It sounds as though she has plenty of other activities, including singing which is an equally valid musical activity as learning an instrument.

She may want to try something else once she starts secondary.

emmathedilemma · 07/01/2020 13:06

Definitely let her quit! Hobbies are meant to be fun and enjoyable not a chore!

Original poster
Chickenitalia · 07/01/2020 13:06

Oh the ages may make it seem longer, she’s been learning for just over 2 years. She was almost 8 and is now just 10. Did prep test after 1 year and grade 1 after that, roughly. I know she could have achieved more if she’d tried, that being part of the whole point really.

OP posts:
daisypond · 07/01/2020 13:08

Absolutely let her quit.

SheShriekedShrilly · 07/01/2020 13:08

If she’s a keen dancer, it’s helpful to know enough about music to count bars, and more if possible. But I completely understand the issue with dance classes moving and everything else having to move around them.

SlightlyStaleCocoPops · 07/01/2020 13:08

Why does she need to play the piano?

CornishPorsche · 07/01/2020 13:09

She's only Grade 1 - this isn't going to be her career path.

Let her quit, but find something else she actually wants to do.

spiderlight · 07/01/2020 13:09

Let her quit. I was made to take piano lessons and do grades for years and I hated it. It put me off playing music for life.

HuloBeraal · 07/01/2020 13:10

I am in the ‘let her quit’ and I say that with a very musical child. We spend a lot of money on music but DS1 puts in hours and hours. At your daughter’s age if she doesn’t want to do it then let her quit.
Why do you want her to continue?

Strongmummy · 07/01/2020 13:11

Let her quit. She doesn’t like it. Pointless waste of money

Redwinestillfine · 07/01/2020 13:12

I would each let her quit. 3 years to grade 1 is a very long time. It doesn't sound like her heart is in it, spend the money letting her do something she enjoys.

Lailaha · 07/01/2020 13:15

I switched piano (at 13) for trumpet - I hated practicing, hated that I never progresses (see above re practising!) and struggled to have two hands doing different things.

Trumpet - no issues with practice, raced through the material, leader of the school orchestra within two years. I think piano was harder to get to a reasonable level and didn't appreciate that I had to put the time and effort in, for scant reward for a while, to achieve that, whereas trumpet was much easier to get to a reasonable standard quickly - and once you are there, it's easier to have the motivation to practice hard and get further as a result.

At the time, I was ecstatic to stop. As an adult, I do slightly regret not persevering - but in reality, I would never have got to the standard of playing Chopin etc, as I lacked the fundamental ability and coordination!

kjhkj · 07/01/2020 13:17

Yep, let her quit. Grade 1 at age 10 means she's unlikely to have a career in music in which case if she doesn't enjoy it why is she doing it.

We let DS2 quit at a similar age (started at 8, quit at 10). DS2 (started at 10) carried on but its a struggle to fit in the amount of practice he needs to do at grade 5

Maryann1975 · 07/01/2020 13:19

I started at 7 and was at Grade 5 by 10 . Just one lesson a week

I think this is exceptional rather than normal tbh. Dd has been playing her instrument for 4 years and has done grade 2, dd2 playing hers for 18 months and no grades.

Op, I’d let her give up. If she isn’t enjoying playing, I don’t see the pointin forcing her to go to lessons each week. Put the money towards something you will all enjoy, as it’s no fun for you to be nagging all the time to practise. It’s not as though piano is the only extra curricular activity she is doing. It seems she has lots going on, so dropping piano isn’t going to stop her turning in to a well rounded adult, but may help her realise that she is listened to and you respect her views about how she spends her time.

wibdib · 07/01/2020 13:24

Let her quit.

I started piano at 7 with a friend of my mum’s who didn’t usually teach beginners. She was very serious and completely sucked all the joy out of it. Dsis is a year younger and wanted to do it too - she did it with a different teacher who made it fun and she progressed much faster than I did. So much so that she started lessons with my teacher - who then managed to suck the joy out of it for her too.

Took me until I was 13 to persuade my parents to let me quit. Even now I rarely listen to music and although there’s some music I enjoy, there’s a lot (including lots of classical but not exclusively) that sets my teeth on edge and irritates me intensely to the point of it making me discombobulates and twitchy. I don’t listen to music on my phone or have any sort of personal music device, dh has a radio alarm and there’s a radio in the kitchen but if I’m in the house by myself I never think to put music on.

Dh on the other hand couldn’t do lessons when he was small and has always resented the fact - but he is now learning several instruments and always has music in to make up for the fact!

So let her quit and hopefully she will find her own way back to it and love it all the more so for that!

thehorseandhisboy · 07/01/2020 13:26

Yes, agree let her stop.

My dd has been learning the piano since the same age. She's now nearly 13 and needs to be reminded about practicing and isn't particularly driven, but she doesn't hate it. I'm happy to pay for lessons if the only effort required from me is putting up with a bit of moaning immediately before her lesson and reminding her to practice.

I think the thing with piano is that it's easy to make a good sound very quickly, unlike wind and other string instruments, so it's deceptively easy to start with, then it gets harder.

If she doesn't want to do it, let her stop and if she has any internal motivational at all, she'll ask for lessons again.

Equanimitas · 07/01/2020 13:36

I started at 7 and was at Grade 5 by 10 . Just one lesson a week.

Not that you'd dream of humble bragging ...

Not everyone works through all the grades, and definitely not everyone does it at that speed. I started learning at age 11, quite enjoyed it and was reasonably diligent about practising, and I reached Grade 4 by the age of 15. At that point I stopped doing grades and just learnt for fun.

OP, I'd say absolutely let her give it up. There's no point putting yourself and her through all that stress. What she's learnt will still be useful to her, e.g. in relation to reading music, beating time, octaves etc.

Original poster
Chickenitalia · 07/01/2020 13:37

She absolutely doesn’t need to play the piano. DH can play and is very good, we have one at home, so it seemed obvious as she wanted to learn in the beginning. I have no issue at all with her quitting. It’s DH who thinks it sends the ‘wrong message’ and she can just give up when something gets hard, because he was made to continue when he was a child. I’m with @Maryann1975 in that she deserves to be listened to, she doesn’t want to give up everything and hang around playing on the iPad and being lazy. I just wondered if I was missing something as I didn’t play an instrument as a child so have no real frame of reference about how hard it can be.

OP posts:
Punxsutawney · 07/01/2020 13:38

Ds quit piano lessons at 10. He started them at 5, after asking for a long time to learn. He took his grade 1 just after his 7th birthday and then took his grade 1 theory.

A bit like your Dd he just didn't want to practice anymore and his teacher noticed his lack of interest when he went for lessons. I thought it was a shame but I would not have forced him to carry on.

Enb76 · 07/01/2020 13:47

I'd let her give up.

Mine isn't allowed to give up piano until she hits GCSE's but she's G5 in her last year of primary and G7 in another instrument so the chances are she won't give up anyway as she'll have got through all the boring bits early. I've also never had to make her practice, she does it all by herself. I imagine things would have been different if it had been a battle.

I did let her give up ballet and dance because she didn't enjoy it and it was costing me a lot of money for something she hated.