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Original poster

Advice for coping when unhappy at work

94 replies

Gemi33 · 04/01/2020 11:43

Hi All

I'm not sure if anyone is able to help or not but after having a few really miserable years, I am really down and can't stand the thought of another one so I really want this year to be better. However, the biggest issue that I have is that I have been unhappy in my job for some time - it has triggered the return of my anxiety and depression and I am constantly stressed. It is very pressured, the workload is too high and it just feels like a very stressful environment to work in. The problem is I have been looking for another job for ages and been unsuccessful - I am reasonably well paid and as I live alone and only have a single income I cannot afford to take a drop in salary and there have been very few jobs coming up in the field I'm in at the right grade. I do quite like the field I'm in but would be open to a complete change but as I am unable to take a drop in salary or afford to retrain I just feel stuck.

I feel like this unhappiness is hanging over me but I just feel trapped. Is anyone in a similar position? How do you cope in a job you are unhappy in when you can't just leave?

xx

OP posts:
mulberrybag · 04/01/2020 11:51

I'm in a very similar position and it feels like it's hanging over me so badly that I've been in tears daily at the thought of returning to work on Monday.
I've been looking for the last year for a similarly paid job and they don't exist here -rural Wales - I am so unhappy in my work but so tied to my mortgage and bills that I can't do anything but continue on as I am.
No words of advice but to say that I feel your pain Thanks

Original poster
Gemi33 · 04/01/2020 13:16

I really feel for you - I am also returning to work on Monday and it has basically ruined by time off because I am so anxious about going back and now time is slipping away I can't think of anything else. It's horrible isn't it?

One thing that really frustrates me is that I feel like if it wasn't for work I could probably make positive changes in other areas of my life but at the moment my job takes over and consumes everything and I find it impossible to switch off and focus on anything else.

I wish I could afford to just leave or take a job I'd enjoy that is less stressful but pays less but I can't.

I really hope you find another job soon xx

OP posts:
Namenic · 04/01/2020 13:26

Have an exit plan? Maybe cut down on expenses to start saving to help with re-training? Could you rent out your place and live with family to retrain/start in a junior role in a new career?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Jobs
Original poster
Gemi33 · 04/01/2020 15:03

I don't own my home (that's another reason why I feel trapped because I feel like I will never be able to afford to buy). Rent where I live is expensive and despite looking I have not found any cheaper options and I don't have any family or friends I could live with.

xx

OP posts:
Chottie · 04/01/2020 16:18

OP - I have been in your position.

I used to break down the day into chunks and just concentrate on getting from one chunk to another. When it got to lunchtime, I would think halfway through the day, I can make it to the end. I would plan as many meetings as possible off site to break up the week. Good luck with the job search.

misscockerspaniel · 04/01/2020 16:25

If you are happy to say what your job is, MNetters may be able to suggest suitable alternatives. There is not a lot worse than being stuck in a job that makes you unhappy.

AmIthechristmasfairy · 04/01/2020 17:11

In exact same situation OP

I also get by breaking the day and week I to chunks.

I've updated LinkedIn profile and am actively applying for the , admittedly very few, jobs I can go for

Would love to retrain as a teacher but can't take the cut to income while i retrain

Namenic · 05/01/2020 08:00

@Gemi33 - could you rent a room in a shared place to save money? In a way not having a mortgage makes it easier to move around the country/abroad for jobs?

Is your sector v specific? Because there are a lot of transferable skills. I recently switched from health sector to IT - but was looking on jobs sites and doing hobby stuff for about 3 years before a lucky opportunity came up. Ask friends what jobs they do and how they enjoy it and what skills you need to get into their professions.

@AmIthechristmasfairy - teaching sounds so stressful on the education staff room MN boards!

Original poster
Gemi33 · 05/01/2020 08:16

Many thanks for the advice everyone! I don't want to say too much in case I out myself but I work in higher education, not teaching it's a professional services role. I am one of those people who has never really known ultimately what I would like to do tbh - I actually like the organisation I work at, but not this role but other jobs just don't seem to come up. There aren't really any other HE institutions where I live so I'd either have to commute to somewhere else or find a job in another field. I quite like the idea of working for a charity but have had no luck finding anything like that either.

xx

OP posts:
Pluckedpencil · 05/01/2020 08:22

You say you live alone. Are you single? Do you have any ties to where you live that make it impossible to move? This would solve a whole knot of problems as I'm sure you know.

Coughy4u · 05/01/2020 08:23

I am going through this. I think of the salary which motivates me, i break the day as pps said, count the hours til done and plan holidays. In my situation its not the money its fear of not finding anything if i just walk away as i had this job after a period of unemployment i feel if i leave i will be stuck in that unemployed cycle and i was definitely unhappy then too.

Keep looking, book some annual leave here and there. Thats what i do when work gets too much.

Mummiepig · 05/01/2020 08:34

I try and break the day down, just focus on getting to lunch time, then tea break then home time, don’t think about the next day or the whole week, just focus on those few hours and don’t look at the clock
My jobs sometimes stressful but sometimes incredibly boring with nothing to do, taking it in small chunks is the only way I can get through the week

Mummiepig · 05/01/2020 08:35

And book holiday/days off as little bits throughout the year so you always have something to look forward to

MiseryChops · 05/01/2020 08:36

If I was unhappy and had no ties (ie single, no kids) I would sell up and travel the world.

DinkyDaisy · 05/01/2020 08:41

Breaking the day into chunks a good idea.
I too am pondering my future workwise and looking to courses that may help me move on...
In my 50s but need to reassess...
My job stressful but with crap pay so need to think a bit.

Coughy4u · 05/01/2020 08:46

Misery wouldnt that be wonderful? 😍

Cosyjimjamsforautumn · 05/01/2020 08:50

I feel your pain. After a massive restructure at work, little support to help sort out the ensuing mess, and very sick relatives to care for outside work, i just want to resign or runaway from it all. I cant remember the last time i had a good nights sleep and just feel a huge burden on my shoulders.
Could you talk to your manager tomorrow about going parttime if that's feasible?

woodhill · 05/01/2020 08:52

I'm the same. Don't want to go back tomorrow😕

Original poster
Gemi33 · 05/01/2020 09:58

Thank you all for replying and I feel for you all in a similar position. Although I am single I don't really want to move away - all my family are local including my nieces who are very important to me and I think moving somewhere unfamiliar would not be great for my anxiety which is a real issue for me.

Unfortunately part time is not an option - I can't afford it and it would also not be accommodated where I work anyway. I keep wishing that a perfect job will come up and I'll have a fresh start and feel like myself again but I'm losing hope.

xx

OP posts:
GOODCAT · 05/01/2020 10:08

Why is it not possible for you to earn less? Is there really no expenditure you could cut? A job like this is really bad for you.

Could you do some additional voluntary work elsewhere to get a foot in the door?

In terms of coping day to day break it right down into minutes if you need to.

Also talk to your line manager or HR or anyone more senior and ask for at least one change that is doable that might make your working life better.

MushroomTree · 05/01/2020 10:18

No advice, just sympathy as I'm in the same boat.

I am managing to retrain but I'm struggling to get out of my current job and into a job relevant to the qualification I'm doing.

I feel very stuck right now and have done for some time.

Lordfrontpaw · 05/01/2020 10:22

Carefully plan your work and don’t take on more than you can handle (learn to say ‘no’ and it can do it next week when I have time’)

Don’t stay late unless you need to
Get some exercise - go for a walk at lunchtime, or sit and read a good book

Dust off your cv - get someone you trust to take a look and see if it needs fine tuning

Call agencies and shmooze them

Plan your perfect job - see if you can take a cut or change location. Blitz the jobs boards and social media. Update your LinkedIn profile.

Try to keep positive! Your current job isn’t the only one in the world (unless you are the pope). You can do it!

FarquarKumquatsmama · 05/01/2020 10:27

Also in a similar situation.

I cut down to 80% which meant some life changes but by lunchtime my working day is almost over which is a huge difference mentally.
I also mentally detached myself from all new initiatives/nights out etc (basically anything that I am not paid extra for) and focused instead on building up my life outside work. In my case, this meant distancing myself from a very toxic work culture and having other things to think about. I appreciate this might not work for all of you.
Lastly, a friend’s husband has done some training as either a life coach or a career coach and I had a session with him, the most useful part of which was mapping out my life on a life of paper and realizing it was actually quite a rich tapestry, a small part of which is my job. It helps me to try and remember that.
Still miserable at work but coping better.

FarquarKumquatsmama · 05/01/2020 10:28

Sorry, I meant piece of paper rather than life of paper. And dunno what happened to my paragraphs.

chocolateisavegetable · 05/01/2020 17:56

You could look at what courses your local FE college offers - ours offer free distance learning courses in loads of different areas which might give you an easy way of doing some re-training.

You could also look at what roles are available at your local college - they're not all teaching jobs.