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Original poster

Advice for coping when unhappy at work

94 replies

Gemi33 · 04/01/2020 11:43

Hi All

I'm not sure if anyone is able to help or not but after having a few really miserable years, I am really down and can't stand the thought of another one so I really want this year to be better. However, the biggest issue that I have is that I have been unhappy in my job for some time - it has triggered the return of my anxiety and depression and I am constantly stressed. It is very pressured, the workload is too high and it just feels like a very stressful environment to work in. The problem is I have been looking for another job for ages and been unsuccessful - I am reasonably well paid and as I live alone and only have a single income I cannot afford to take a drop in salary and there have been very few jobs coming up in the field I'm in at the right grade. I do quite like the field I'm in but would be open to a complete change but as I am unable to take a drop in salary or afford to retrain I just feel stuck.

I feel like this unhappiness is hanging over me but I just feel trapped. Is anyone in a similar position? How do you cope in a job you are unhappy in when you can't just leave?

xx

OP posts:
Original poster
Gemi33 · 11/01/2020 16:50

winningwhilstlosing I'm exactly the same, Sunday blues are now weekend blues, it's one of the things I hate most about being unhappy in my job- I can't even enjoy the time I'm not there, time off just disappears because I'm just anxious about going back and can't switch off.

xx

OP posts:
wanttogo · 11/01/2020 17:53

I'm feeling exactly like that OP. Things weren't too bad but got worse by the end of the week and I find it hard to focus and enjoy being home.

I just want to be left alone to get on with my job but it doesn't seem to work like that at the moment. Dread going in Monday

ICouldHaveBeenAContender · 11/01/2020 23:42

I've been there Gemi33. I now take a different approach to my work.

Ask yourself this: how different would things be at work, if you didn't worry about them all weekend? Would it actually change anything? I used to put in extra (unpaid) time at work, then do emails at home as well. Why did I bother? It wasn't noticed by colleagues or management, and it didn't lead to any rewards. So I stopped doing all that. I now make sure I stick to my hours. Has anyone noticed? No. Has anyone been harmed as a result? No. Think of all those hours of your own time that you spend worrying and being anxious - nobody is paying you for that time!!

One technique I use is to jot things down at the weekend as they occur to me. Then I forget about them until Monday, when I pull out my notes and deal with them.

Another technique was that I just stopped doing some things I used to think were essential that nobody else cared about. And you know what? Nobody has noticed! They really didn't matter!

I used to be a self-appointed worrier-in-chief, but it was me - and my family! - that suffered, and I'm not sure anybody benefited - certainly not me. So, I've turned over a new leaf. I won't say it's been easy, but I make sure to fill up my time off (evenings, weekends, holidays) with "things I want to do" instead of thinking about work.

(It's still a work-in-progress.)

Interested in this thread?

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Jobs
Original poster
Gemi33 · 12/01/2020 08:56

wanttogo sorry to hear you're feeling like this too, it really is horrible!

ICouldHaveBeenAContender thank you for your post, that is really good advice, I do try not to worry - I realise that worrying won't change anything so it's completely pointless to ruin my time off but I just can't help it. The workload is so huge that at the moment i can't not go in early etc because it's the only way I'm keeping my head slightly above water!

xx

OP posts:
wanttogo · 12/01/2020 15:24

Thanks OP

I'm going to have to be brave tomorrow and say I'm unhappy with something.

Just want to leaveConfused I was so happy there at 1 point but it's deteriorated due to staff shortages

Dee03 · 12/01/2020 15:40

Hi, I've just come across this thread and wanted to join in if that's ok...I'm in exactly the same boat OP.....I've spent every spare minute this week searching the internet for jobs and I've found one I'm going to apply for later this evening.....It's scary but I need to do it

Original poster
Gemi33 · 12/01/2020 16:35

wanttogo good luck for tomorrow - I completely understand, I was really happy at the organisation I'm at before this role and it's really sad.

Welcome Dee03 good luck with your job application, that's a really positive step - just out of interest, is it in a similar field to your current role or is it something completely different? I do find the whole new job process scary but just think how much happier you could be if you get it. I just can't find anything to apply for and when the odd job does come up I really struggle because I no longer really know what I want to do and I have lost so much confidence that I really don't know what I want anymore. I've had people say 'well surely nothing could be as bad as where you are' but I guess I get scared that I could go through all the stress of getting another job and not be happy there either. I think because I had such high hopes for my current job that I no longer trust my judgement!

OP posts:
wanttogo · 12/01/2020 18:50

Thanks. I'm feeling tearful and it is tempting to open my emails now but I think it's best to deal with it tomorrow.

I can leave but it would be good to try and sort it out first. It's the lack of autonomy and being micromanaged I cannot bear.

DramaAlpaca · 12/01/2020 19:04

wanttogo I'm in the same boat as you on that I'm going in tomorrow and I will be arranging a meeting with my manager. I'm stressed and unhappy, I'm seriously overworked, do far more hours than I'm paid for and it's now affecting my mental and physical health. I used to love my job, but it's just got too much to cope with. I'm not micromanaged, the opposite in fact, but I think that is the reason my manager doesn't realise I'm overworked. I'm just going to have to spell it out. I'm dreading it, tbh. I never used to be anxious on Sunday evenings.

I hope things improve for you as well, Gemi33, it all sounds very stressful for you, too.

Paddyodoors · 12/01/2020 19:27

Hey, just wanted to say I'm in the same boat. Am paid a very good salary but have recently moved to a new organisation who seem to have incredibly high expectations. I have anxiety which I don't tell anybody about at work but am seriously close to breaking point. I am the main breadwinner and if I don't work we would be in serious financial difficulties. Last week I was told although I've only been there 3 months I'm not performing as well as they hoped so on top of an incredibly full 45 hour week I also have to improve generally or I'll be out. I have fantasised all day about not going back. My life is incredibly hard.

Original poster
Gemi33 · 12/01/2020 19:49

It's scary how familiar all these stories are. It can feel quite isolating and then to hear so many people going through the exact same thing is a weird combination of really sad and comforting.

wantogo I often dread my emails and find it hard knowing they're waiting for me! One thing I really struggle with is that I feel like I swing between being micromanaged to a ridiculous degree and getting no support whatsoever when I really need it, not sure that makes sense but it's really hard.

Thank you DramaAlpaca. Good luck for tomorrow. Is your manager supportive? I am also stressed, unhappy and overworked. I have tried to discuss it with my manager but they do not seem that interested and it feels like they think it's my problem and that everyone is overworked too so I just need to get on with it. Maybe it is me, maybe I'm not as strong and competent as everyone else. Everyone else seems stressed but I'm not sure they're I struggling as much as me, so maybe it is me.

Paddyodoors anxiety is incredibly difficult. I have suffered with anxiety for years but also felt I could manage it before and had not been on medication for it for some time but after moving into this role I went back on medication quite quickly (although I don't think it is helping). Have you spoken to a Dr? I'm so sorry you're having such a hard time. The pressure of being the breadwinner must be huge and the high expectations definitely feels familiar. I never feel I'm as good as everyone else, they seem to find everything easy and I always feel like I have done something wrong.

xx

OP posts:
wanttogo · 12/01/2020 20:11

Thanks. It's helpful to know that others are going through similar experiences.

Paddyodoors · 12/01/2020 21:53

Hoping for a good week ahead for all of us.

Paddyodoors · 12/01/2020 21:55

Thank you Gemi, been to a Dr many times and had a series of counselling. Am a lost cause lol.

Dee03 · 12/01/2020 22:02

It's something completely different...I don't want to be in my line of work anymore. It's so difficult though as I'm qualified for certain roles so for me to change jobs I'm no longer qualified for anything, if you get what I mean. And as a single person with young adult children still at home I can't afford a drop in wages really Hmm

But I've applied online now for this new job so now it's the waiting game and fingers crossed I get an interview.

wanttogo · 12/01/2020 22:06

Hopefully a good outcome for you Dee.😊

I could leave as dh will support me but it's a bit drastic.

DramaAlpaca · 12/01/2020 22:45

Good luck Dee.

Paddyodoors that sounds extremely stressful. No wonder your anxiety is through the roof.

wanttogo I could leave too if I had to, but I really don't want to. I just want my current job to be better. Hopefully management will be supportive when I spell things out. I will report back.

winningwhilstlosing · 13/01/2020 06:03

Good luck Dee03!

I don’t want to do the job I do anywhere else and I am not qualified to do anything else - if that makes sense. I am too old now to retrain so just feel trapped. I dream all the time of escaping. I am going to the Drs to ask for ADs to see if they might help. I have also just started reading ‘Stop Thinking Start Living’.

Thinking of you all at the start of another week and wishing you well. StarFlowersStarFlowers

Original poster
Gemi33 · 13/01/2020 08:37

Dee good luck - I think I may also need to think about doing something completely different but I have no idea what!

Paddyodoors I'm sure you're not a lost cause but I do understand that feeling. I have tried various medications and counselling and nothing has helped and my anxiety is now worse than ever.

xx

OP posts:
wanttogo · 13/01/2020 18:57

How did everyone get on.

Mine was not too bad but I have had a horrible knotty stomach all day and can still feel it now.

Any tips

Thanks

Dee03 · 13/01/2020 20:49

Hi all.....my saying is "same shit different day" so basically that's how today went.

In all fairness it wasn't too bad but I still want out.

Hope everyone else's day wasn't too bad either....the gin is going down nicely tonight Grin

DramaticAlpaca · 13/01/2020 21:31

Slight name change here Smile

Oh God, what a day. I tackled it. Had trouble getting my manager to listen and actually hear what I was saying, but got my point across eventually. I'm upset with myself for getting red faced and almost teary though. Uurrgh. Anyway, it was a success of sorts in that we've agreed I'll work only my contracted hours and then management will assess what is not getting done. Perhaps then they will accept I am overworked. There are other issues that I'm not happy with going on as well, but that's for another day. But for now it's a start.

Paddyodoors · 14/01/2020 05:41

Had a productive day in the end but was in the verge of tears for most of the morning. Time to get up and face Tuesday now

Original poster
Gemi33 · 14/01/2020 08:10

Well done to everyone for surviving yesterday!

DramaticAlpaca well done for getting your point across! It sounds like you did really well and it really isn't easy to try and have those conversations. I think getting a bit upset is understandable, I have done that too but it can't be helped.

wanttogo I feel like I have that knotty feeling all the time now, wish I could find a way to get rid of it!

My day was ok - I feel like I'm not very productive at the moment though, even though I have loads to do I just feel like constant anxiety makes it difficult to focus but then I'm stressed about how much I have to do!

Good luck for today everyone xx

OP posts:
winningwhilstlosing · 14/01/2020 17:52

Survived another day. So tired - not sure how long I can keep going on so little sleep. Breaking out in boils - very attractive - probably lack of sleep and anxiety. According to my book your life doesn’t need to change for you to be happy just your thinking about your life - hmm 🤔 will let you know how that goes. If I knew how to be happy at work I would definitely do it - this is daily torture! Hope everyone else survived!