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Original poster

Advice for coping when unhappy at work

94 replies

Gemi33 · 04/01/2020 11:43

Hi All

I'm not sure if anyone is able to help or not but after having a few really miserable years, I am really down and can't stand the thought of another one so I really want this year to be better. However, the biggest issue that I have is that I have been unhappy in my job for some time - it has triggered the return of my anxiety and depression and I am constantly stressed. It is very pressured, the workload is too high and it just feels like a very stressful environment to work in. The problem is I have been looking for another job for ages and been unsuccessful - I am reasonably well paid and as I live alone and only have a single income I cannot afford to take a drop in salary and there have been very few jobs coming up in the field I'm in at the right grade. I do quite like the field I'm in but would be open to a complete change but as I am unable to take a drop in salary or afford to retrain I just feel stuck.

I feel like this unhappiness is hanging over me but I just feel trapped. Is anyone in a similar position? How do you cope in a job you are unhappy in when you can't just leave?

OP posts:

wanttogo · 14/01/2020 18:46

Went ok today. But it could change again

I am more relaxed but I am always watchful

Dee03 · 14/01/2020 19:45

Today was ok but just did a 6 hour day....tomorrow is a 10 hour one so I'm sure I'll be feeling it tomorrow

Original poster

Gemi33 · 15/01/2020 08:31

wanttogo glad it was ok, fingers crossed it stays that way!

winningwhilstlosing I think I've read something similar to that somewhere! Of course positive thinking helps but at the same time it's nearly impossible to be positive when things are this bad - part of why I want to get out is because I used to be a fairly happy, positive person and that has disappeared since I've been in this job.

OP posts:

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Paddyodoors · 15/01/2020 10:23

We've made it to the middle of the week.

Wish I could get rid of this constant stomach ache which I'm convinced is anxiety related.

MotherWol · 15/01/2020 11:21

Gemi33 I know how you feel - I also work in professional services in HE, and while I still like my role and the sector, there are a few people in the organisation who make my life miserable. I'm very underworked, my manager is completely absent, and I have no direction. I struggle to know how to fill my time, and it's really not helping my mental health.

My current strategy is to find projects I can get involved in on the side - for example, there are working groups on things like sustainability, disability action etc, which give you a chance to meet people from other departments and get involved with stuff that isn't directly part of your job. I'm also signing up to as much training as I can, to improve my prospects for moving to a new organisation. Is that possible for you?

Dee03 · 16/01/2020 20:17

Hi everyone.....

Can I just saw something about today

Aarrgghhhhhhhhhhhhh

Seriously had enough now!!! Roll on 6.30pm tomorrow when I can clock off for the weekend!!

winningwhilstlosing · 17/01/2020 07:45

Hope you’re okay @Dee03. Hang on in there - the weekend is nearly here.

PomBearWithAnOFRS · 17/01/2020 09:46

Oh Dear Lord, I am not alone!
I am due at the manager's office at 10.30 for a one to one, then at work until 6.30, and this particular shift is the worst one.
I can cope better with the other shifts, but the Friday one is a bitch...
I feel sick over the appraisal, they NEVER say anything positive, just bombard me with what I have done wrong, and no matter what I do, how hard I try, it feels like I can never get anything right

Paddyodoors · 17/01/2020 10:44

Stay strong Pom. Be firm if you feel unjustified on points raised. Be calm, don't let them rush the meeting. Have your chance to speak. Document any actions or points you feel need better clarification etc straight after the meeting.

Dee03 · 17/01/2020 14:12

I get that Pom......it sounds very familiar to my place of work! Very focused on the negative and fuck all about the positive!

Hope everyone is ok today!
My day has actually been ok (ish) so far but I'm here until 6.30 so a lot can happen between now and then!

PomBearWithAnOFRS · 17/01/2020 20:08

It actually went ok! I am so relieved it's unreal.
It turns out that the "new thing" they introduced on the computer system, I am the only one who gets it, so my "bit" was actually referred to as "excellent" which really gave me a boost.
Then there was an incident requiring a particular response and I did it all right, as per training, so the day was much better than I thought it would be in the end.
Fingers crossed it keeps on this way...

Original poster

Gemi33 · 21/01/2020 08:07

How is everyone doing this week?

OP posts:

Dee03 · 21/01/2020 18:44

Don't ask 😩 I was so close to just handing my notice in today!! But on a plus side I did apply for another job so that's 2 now I'm waiting to hear back on....
How about everyone else??

Coldemort · 21/01/2020 18:57

Why do people always have the view that if you're single you can 'sell up and travel the world'? Sell what exactly? Op already said shes renting, as do a lot of single people in the current housing climate. Just because you're single you still live in the real world...

Anyway now thats over with...

I found it good to completely detach from my job. You've tried speaking to management and they're not supporting you. So stop it becoming your life, and take a step right back that it's just a job. Accept that all you can do is the best of your ability during your contracted hours. No working/thinking about it outside of those times.

As long as your reasonably ok, and have been there for over 2 years, they cant sack you for 'just' doing what you're contracted to do. I guess what I'm saying is learn how to coast.

I wouldn't be saying this if youd had support, but they've shown they see you as just a worker, so view the position as just another job.

Dee03 · 21/01/2020 20:18

That is such good advice!
I take my job home with me in my head, I struggle to switch off so I'm really trying to just detach now. Like you say I'll deal with what I have to deal with during work hours but I need switch off on the drive home!

DramaticAlpaca · 21/01/2020 22:25

Well, long story short but I've ended up taking sick leave. I had a routine appointment with my GP on Friday, ended up bursting into tears and telling her what was going on, she insisted I took a break for the sake of my mental health and signed me off for a couple of weeks. I wasn't expecting that, but I think it's good, I already feel calmer and my brain isn't constantly whirring. Work took it surprisingly well.

When I go back I'm going to take the advice given above to work my contracted hours and just coast.

Tomselleckhaskindeyes · 21/01/2020 22:32

I worked in FE and it was very stressful. I went back to my original career and I feel comfy in my own skin again. The feeling of relief. Have you got a supportive boss? Could you tell them how you are feeling?
Could you go to a recruitment agency?

ElderAve · 21/01/2020 22:35

For a time I had a list stuck to the side of my PC of things that made me laugh. It helped in a small way, but ultimately you need a plan to get out or to resolve the things that are making you unhappy. Just knowing that there is a plan will help enormously

Original poster

Gemi33 · 22/01/2020 07:59

Dee03 sorry to hear you're having such a rough time but well done on applying for another job! I wish I could find something else to at least apply for, as someone else said having a plan to get out would make a real difference.

Coldemort thanks for your post - that's exactly how I feel, people always say just sell up but obviously it's not that easy! I am trying to detach but find it very difficult and because of the particular work I do it's very difficult not to let it take over.

Tomselleckhaskindeyes I'm glad to hear you are happier again, being comfy in your own skin is a great way to put it and that's what I'm aiming for. Unfortunately my boss isn't supportive and that is part of the problem. I have signed up for coaching - not sure if it will help but I have the first session today so will see how it goes!

DramaticAlpaca sorry to hear you've been signed off but it sounds like it's the right thing for you at the moment, I hope you are able to rest and look after yourself.

OP posts:

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