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Original poster

Advice for coping when unhappy at work

94 replies

Gemi33 · 04/01/2020 11:43

Hi All

I'm not sure if anyone is able to help or not but after having a few really miserable years, I am really down and can't stand the thought of another one so I really want this year to be better. However, the biggest issue that I have is that I have been unhappy in my job for some time - it has triggered the return of my anxiety and depression and I am constantly stressed. It is very pressured, the workload is too high and it just feels like a very stressful environment to work in. The problem is I have been looking for another job for ages and been unsuccessful - I am reasonably well paid and as I live alone and only have a single income I cannot afford to take a drop in salary and there have been very few jobs coming up in the field I'm in at the right grade. I do quite like the field I'm in but would be open to a complete change but as I am unable to take a drop in salary or afford to retrain I just feel stuck.

I feel like this unhappiness is hanging over me but I just feel trapped. Is anyone in a similar position? How do you cope in a job you are unhappy in when you can't just leave?

xx

OP posts:
Battytwatty · 05/01/2020 18:01

Gosh I feel the same. Have anxiety about work. I’m sick of the worry dominating my free time and I’m looking for techniques to sort out the anxiety until I can find something else.

Battytwatty · 05/01/2020 18:03

Trouble is I’m not qualified for anything and I’m nearly 50. Work is chaotic when little to none training or support

Figgygal · 05/01/2020 19:40

I am the same
Same company for over 10 years 2 periods of mat leave, good money in my field, little responsibility and complete autonomy and flexibility which is brilliant with 2 kids, nursery and school runs.

However it’s too easy and I’m becoming deskilled, unmotivated and a bit lazy to be honest

I would love to leave but feel trapped until youngest goes to school In a couple years. I need to find some motivation from somewhere to up skill so that I can actually get a job elsewhere without a shock to system in terms of new employers expectations or a pay cut.

I have no answers however

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Clutterfreeintraining · 05/01/2020 19:57

I feel the same way.
I don't think I've ever felt so down about returning to work.
My exit plan is in place. I hadn't intended to finish for another 18 months but I really don't know if I can stick it out as long as that.
I have time off booked at the end of Feb, a couple of extra days at Easter and all of whit week so I'm hoping that will get me through the next few months.

Tink1990 · 05/01/2020 20:20

I'm the same. I so want out. All I can suggest is think of the time as making money each hour that passes when you are there and apply, apply apply for other roles. Even a quick two minute look when you pop to the loo at work! Anything to keep you going.

winningwhilstlosing · 06/01/2020 04:47

I’m in the same boat. I have been awake since just after 3 because I am due back at work today. My job is really affecting my physical and mental health - I sleep and feel so much better during the holidays. I am in my 50s and see no way out now 😟.

Coughy4u · 06/01/2020 07:15

In bed dreading going in. My stomach is in knots. I fantasize of giving in my notice everyday.Sad must get up or or i will be in more crap (late on hated job)

Twickerhun · 06/01/2020 07:24

Op I used to work for a university in professional services and hated it. I managed each day by breaking each day down into chunks - get through to 10am have a coffee, get to lunch then it was nearly the end of the day. I also worked out each day how I could ‘save’ a few pence to put into my ‘escape pot’ which now has several hundred pounds in it which I’m using for a short career break. Good luck

BarracudaSharkNose · 06/01/2020 07:24

It’s v easy to feel trapped. But you aren’t, it’s the coping mechanism of your body, not a good one, but it’s the stress of everything means you can’t see the wood for the trees. So you can try and take control before it gets too difficult.

A decent sized organisation should have a work place counselling service , or be able to give you access to one.

Start to cut back so you have a little cushion of savings.

Talk to a Careers counsellor too.

Talk to managers in the organisation about changing roles, a secondment or similar.

Make sure you are open with family and friends about how you are feeling.

Original poster
Gemi33 · 06/01/2020 13:04

Really sorry so many of you are feeling the same but it has made me feel a bit less alone. Had a throbbing headache all morning but I've made it to lunch time! xx

OP posts:
amgine · 06/01/2020 13:12

Are there any internal moves you could make. I was desperately unhappy in one role but was able to move sideways. Again in a reasonably well paid role.

Coughy4u · 06/01/2020 18:19

I applied the time chunking thing and it helped. Getting there on time and leaving on time helps.

Clutterfreeintraining · 06/01/2020 22:56

How did it go, @Gemi33?

@Coughy4u - me too and the day did seem to be a lot easier once I got passed lunchtime.

AmIthechristmasfairy · 06/01/2020 23:43

I did the day chunks today and am counting down the days until Friday.

I'm afraid going back today was every bit as awful as I thought it would be

Lolodizzyone · 06/01/2020 23:54

Am so sorry for everyone who feel anxious or stressed due to work. I am in my early 50s and until a year ago was exactly the same.
But took a leap of faith applied for a job and got it! Was in previous job for 19 years, absolutely love my new job. It has transformed my life, just wanted to say never give up, persevere and it will get better x

Foslady · 07/01/2020 00:03

Can tolerate work now but when I was at my worst every hour I would draw /. Then the next day a line across from the top point, Wednesday would be , and Thursday and Friday each line would complete a 5 pointed star - that way at the end of the week I had given myself 9 stars for surviving another week! It may appear childish but it helped me.

Original poster
Gemi33 · 07/01/2020 07:59

Well I got through it - I feel really sad that I am already desperately counting down to the weekend, like I'm wishing time away which just feels like such a waste.

Well down to everyone else who survived. Lolodizzyone really pleased to hear that, how lovely, that's what I'd love to happen, find something I like and feel like myself again.

xx

OP posts:
TheReef · 07/01/2020 08:49

I know you say that you can't take a drop in salary but can you? Drive an older car, if you're renting move to a smaller place, cut down on luxuries. I was in a similar situation but decided to take a pay cut (also single), I had a good long hard look at my outgoings. I wanted to move but decided to stay where I was as the mortgage was doable. My nice car went for an older, cheaper one I bought outright, holidays changed, but I'm so soooooooo much happier, material things don't make you happy if you've got to sell your soul for them.

Either that or can you move department? Is there the possibility of retaining into another role with the same organisation (you'll less likely take a hit on salary), I moved from and engineering role once into IT as I needed a change. Completely different but it gave me the kick up the arse to do something

Hope you get sorted OP, it's soul destroying being in an awful job.

EBearhug · 07/01/2020 09:06

Is it just the workload and pressure that is making you unhappy? Do you like the work itself, if not the amount? Do you get on with your colleagues? Is your manager approachable?

Have you spoken to your manager about all this? Are there any ways your workload can be adjusted? Can you see any ways in which the way things are managed can be changed?

I would be surprised if you have no transferable skills if you're in professional services. Think about the tasks you actually do as part of your role. If you are dealing with other departments or clients, you should have demonstrable skills in communication and managing possibly difficult people. You probably have good time management skills in that environment, working with multiple and changing priorities. Depending on what your role is, you may have skills in IT, finance, facilities management, knowledge of data protection... These are skills which can be used elsewhere.

It can be difficult to think through some of these things when you feel trapped, but there will be some things you can change, if not everything, so take control of the situation where you can. One way or another, it will not be like this forever, so make sure you're in a position to be ready for opportunities when they do come.

HelpMeGetAGrip · 07/01/2020 09:14

I’ve always known roughly what I’d like to do but the job doesn’t seem to exist . I’ve finally been moved to a new department where they’re all very lovely and make me feel some self worth and they seem to be quite kind, but because of bad experienced I constantly wait to be told I’ve done something wrong , or some nasty comments . It’s almost like PTSD from bullying in other roles and I hate the constant feeling of anxiety waiting to be knocked down .

I hope you find your dream job and can feel yourself again xx

Original poster
Gemi33 · 07/01/2020 14:52

To answer some of your questions - I think the work itself has the potential to be interesting but the issues are largely organisational and managerial and they are wider than just my team and despite many issues being raised across the organisation for some time nothing has changed. My manager is part of the issue and although I have raised issues before there is a complete lack of interest or willingness to do anything about it.

HelpMeGetAGrip that sounds very familiar - I also suffer with anxiety and have experienced workplace bullying in the past. That combined with the fact that in my current role it feels like the goal posts are always being moved, there is no consistency or support, makes me always feel like I've done something wrong which is horrible.

xx

OP posts:
Original poster
Gemi33 · 09/01/2020 16:33

Hi

How is everyone getting on now it's nearly the end of the week? I've had a very stressful first week back so it's been tough going.

I've been looking for jobs but there doesn't really seem to be any still and I don't really know where to look!

xx

OP posts:
winningwhilstlosing · 09/01/2020 19:39

Hi @Gemi33 sorry to hear that you have had a tough week. Work has been no better for me. I am so anxious and can’t sleep - I wake in the early hours and then can’t go back to sleep again. I’m exhausted! I don’t know what the answer is. I dream of selling up and finding somewhere I could live mortgage free - should such a place exist!

Original poster
Gemi33 · 10/01/2020 08:03

Hi winningwhilstlosing, that's exactly how I feel, I'm so anxious all the time I feel like I'm carrying a massive weight around with me. I keep thinking how amazing it would feel to just walk away. Several people have handing in their notice and I'm so jealous. I really do feel for you, it's horrible.

I genuinely have lost hope that I'll find anything else so I feel like I'm going to be stuck here, wishing time away forever!

xx

OP posts:
winningwhilstlosing · 10/01/2020 18:48

Hope you had a better day @Gemi33 - hooray it’s the weekend. Although if you are anything like me much of it is overshadowed worrying about Monday! Hopefully all of us can switch off and enjoy some respite.