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Original poster

16 year old thinks she rules the roost.

81 replies

shuuush · 31/12/2019 20:05

16 year old thinks rules don't apply to her since she got a part time job (she's still in college and works part time).

She's working tonight and just announced she isn't coming home after work she's going to a mates. I wouldn't mind if she had asked but she's just spring it on me as she was about to leave. Then when I asked who I got a load of abuse and off she flounces.

Another example is this morning she had her hair straighteners laid straight on my coffee table I told her to move them as she would scorch the wood and got told to fuck off then when her dad told her she had a full on screaming tantrum about how evil we were and just wanted to start on her.

I can't change the WiFi she has unlimited data and she has her own money from working.

I'm just fed up and feel powerless to prevent her doing whatever she wants while treating me and her dad like shit on her shoe.

OP posts:

Oldraver · 31/12/2019 20:13

I'd start with cutting the plug off the straighteners

poppyeleanor · 31/12/2019 20:15

Would you really, actually do that, old, or are you just saying it?

justforthisnow · 31/12/2019 20:18

Why can't you change the wifi? Find out how to do that, and do it.
If she's earning she can pay for damage to furniture.
Unless she's on drugs or has SEN, no need for that nonsense.

FairyBatman · 31/12/2019 20:19

I'd start with cutting the plug off the straighteners

If one of my DC told me to fuck off for asking the, to move their straighteners off the coffee table I’d probably throw them away let alone cut the plug off!

Useful22 · 31/12/2019 20:19

Well your house. Do you cook for her, do her laundry? Take her places? Stop all of it if she is so grown up.

Babybel90 · 31/12/2019 20:28

Have a sit down conversation with her about how her behaviour affects others and how she has to be a bit more mature when she’s under your roof.

It’s horrible being a teenager, not a child but not an adult yet and hormones all over the place.

Elieza · 31/12/2019 20:31

Why should she have given you advance notice of her plans? What would you have done differently? Cooked less dinner or something similar? Or is it more a control thing that you want to tell her what to do?

As for the straighteners, that’s pure lip from her. I’d be tempted to put them in the garage. If you treat her with respect she should treat you and your furniture with respect.

Original poster

shuuush · 31/12/2019 20:33

I know how to change the WiFi it would just be pointless as she has unlimited data and she pays her own phonebill.

I'm just really appalled at her as she used to be so good and now she has a job she thinks she can do whatever and whenever.

I'm changing the Netflix and Spotify passwords but she will probably just set her own up.

I've tried talking to her saying I just worry and want her to be safe and I get told to fuck off.

She's not my first teenager I have two others and I've seen some bad behaviour but it's the language and rudeness I can't get over with her.

OP posts:

billy1966 · 31/12/2019 20:36

OP, I can only imagine how upsetting that is.
The thing is your daughter has gotten it into her head that there are no consequences to her behaviour.

Until this is corrected, things are going to get worse.

Cutting the plug off her straighten right now for her to find would be one way of telling her that her parents will not be spoken too that way.

Over the years I have had occasionally had behaviour that I didn't like.

The only thing that worked was making their lives decidedly less comfortable.

Do absolutely NOTHING for her.
No lifts, no washing, buy her nothing.
No snacks, no treats.
Make her feel the cold chill of her telling ye to fxxx off.
I doubt you have just suddenly arrived at this place.
Take a good hard look at what you have put up with and sit down with her father and get on the same page.

At the very very least, those straighteners would be hidden away until things improve.

Wishing you strength 💐

T0tallyFuckedUpFamily · 31/12/2019 20:36

Change ALL the passwords and when little miss Smartarse ends up spending most of her money on topping up her wifi, because she will go over her acceptable usage, she’ll soon change her tune. Limitless only applies to a fair usage amount. She’s 16, so she’ll go over that in (NI) time.

T0tallyFuckedUpFamily · 31/12/2019 20:37

*no

Original poster

shuuush · 31/12/2019 20:38

@Elieza because she's 16 and it's polite to say "is it ok to go to X's after work" and not just tell me she's going to someone's house after work and won't tell me who.
I'm not too keen on my 16 year old wandering the streets after midnight on NYE.
It's basic manners even my 22 year old lets me know if he will be staying out and does it in a polite way without a lot of fuck offs thrown in for the sake of it.

OP posts:

LesLavandes · 31/12/2019 20:39

I feel for you. Have put up with hell the last 48 hours from a 17 year old boy. I'm just divorced. 50/50 share plus he goes to boarding school. If I don't say yes or jump to his attention when he says 'jump', I get more than one fuck off. His behaviour has been appalling and he has trashed my house in anger.
Sad bit is he just goes home to his dad and they both agree about me.

You have support of your husband. That is good. Wish you luck

poppyeleanor · 31/12/2019 20:49

Is she popular with her work colleagues?

JamesBlonde1 · 31/12/2019 20:51

Good God, how has it got to the stage of her telling you to fuck off? Where does she hear that to think it's a normal way to speak to a family member?

noego · 31/12/2019 20:57

Who pays the contact on the phone?

Take it and hide it. Do not tell her where it is. Mine was begging on their knee's but they weren't getting it back until their behaviour changed significantly.
Hold firm. Forget about the emotional blackmail they'll come up with blah, blah , blah.
I tell you a week of no phone is like cutting their arms and legs off.

noego · 31/12/2019 20:58

PS. Don't forget to turn it off or put it on silent :)

Original poster

shuuush · 31/12/2019 21:00

I'm changing the WiFi. She can do her own washing until she learns some manners.

Yes she is popular with her workmates.

OP posts:

TheLittleBrownFox · 31/12/2019 21:01

Where is she working?

I'd turn up and ask her manager for a word with her if at all possible. She likely won't swear and shout while she's at work.

TheLittleBrownFox · 31/12/2019 21:04

Or ring up and get a colleague to pass on a suitably embarrassing message to her. "Your mum and dad are having some private time at home, please knock loudly and wait before letting yourself in."

Original poster

shuuush · 31/12/2019 21:04

Of course it's not normal for our family members to tell each other to fuckoff I clearly said that in two posts . That's why I'm so upset with her.

She pays the contract.

OP posts:

Original poster

shuuush · 31/12/2019 21:07

She works in a pub - pot washing and glass collecting.

OP posts:

eveshopper · 31/12/2019 21:10

She's working tonight and just announced she isn't coming home after work she's going to a mates. I wouldn't mind if she had asked but she's just spring it on me as she was about to leave.

This is ok. What's wrong with this?

Where does she normally put them? This isn't normal behaviour from her but it lacks context. Do you have a go at her often? Does she know where her straighteners should and shouldn't be? If she has been told how to use them and deliberately ignored them that's not ok, but if she is suddenly getting told off for something g she didn't know was wrong? Well telling you to fuck off is obviously bang out of order, but can understand her upset.

I'm going to guess there is a lot more to it. But the going out after work thing is fine. Totally normal.

mummmy2017 · 31/12/2019 21:10

Go hide the chargers, so much more of a punishment.

Yetanotherwinter · 31/12/2019 21:12

You need to get a grip with the discipline. She’s a child. I totally agree that she should be asking your permission rather than telling you what she’s doing. Not sure why someone has suggested she doesn’t need to tell you her plans. I would take the straighteners off her and tell her she can have them back when she learns some respect. Hold your ground with her 💐

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