Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

(Not a begging thread) fucking eating or heating

191 replies

Stuckandsadintheupsidedown · 30/12/2019 16:22

Just a rant and certainly not begging. I just can't believe I'm in this position and could use some advice. I haven't name changed.

A while ago I was quite good financially but this year has utterly crippled me. I kicked abusive violent ex partner out in May finally, went to the police etc, it's all going through the cps now and I have lovely emotional support via women's aid. I applied for help from HMRC as I only work part time. I had to cut back on some of my hours as I wasn't safe getting home from work late (he stalked me for 3 months until bail conditions kicked in)
I've been applying for full time since summer but I live in a touristy area and competition is quite fierce.
Childcare is expensive (have 1 primary aged dc) but I'm managing to keep on top of my rent and childcare bills. Checked my account today, to see if my £20 cheque that was a Christmas gift from my uncle has cleared.
£15 of it has been swallowed by Wi-Fi payment that I totally forgot about so not I have £5.83 to last until Friday.
I'm in my emergency credit on the electric meter.
I literally have to choose to not heat my home in order to feed me and dc this week.
We have some gifted Xmas chocolate left, plus eggs and flour and butter so I know we will just about scrape it. But it's so fucking depressing. I'm trying to keep going and be proud I escaped but it feels like punishment some days.
I don't want to borrow money because I can't pay it back without dipping into next month iyswim, I asked the bank for a small overdraft but have been declined.
Just utterly defeated this afternoon.

OP posts:
ChestnutSmoothie · 30/12/2019 18:50

It’s the Discretionary Fund dept you want at EDF, OP.

Ask to speak to the top-up meter team, then ask them for the dept that organises the discretionary fund.

They will ask how long it’ll be before your finances are sorted so tell them it’ll likely be several months & they’ll give you enough to keep you going & will pay off the emergency too. Make sure you do this for both electric and gas.

They’ll give you a code to take to a PayPoint outlet so it can be sorted quite easily.

Good luck.

ChestnutSmoothie · 30/12/2019 18:53

Also, A Girl Named Jack is really, really fantastic for extremely cheap meal ideas.

I was able to feed me & a bottom-less pit teenage boy for £15 a week without too much difficulty a few years ago thanks to her.

Sadbadglad · 30/12/2019 18:54

Some people like to help others. If they can afford it what is the issue.

Life is tough enough and its good to give when you can.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Cost of living
FestiveFavourites · 30/12/2019 18:56

If you need some goodwill payments to tide you over, maybe Kickstarter or GoFundMe? Kickstarter is basically for artistic stuff, though, not out and out poverty. If you're a musician or artist though?

Good wishes to you. I can't possibly afford to send you even the cheapest online shopping order, although I appreciate the sentiment behind the poster's comment earlier

ahenderson270 · 30/12/2019 18:56

Hi there @hinthere OP

I'm sorry to hear you're having a rough time, if you're home town is near mine (

Hi there OP I'm sorry to hear you're having a shitty time .. if by any chance you're seaside town is in the morecambe Bay Area I have a few bits and bobs that could see you on that we're bought for the Xmas period in far too large a quantity and we have plenty spare that will get wasted in all likely hood.. nothing fancy but enough food to see you on to Friday I should think also if you've applied for UC please be aware you can apply for an advance at anytime that they take back in small repayments over 6 months. You can have up to half of the coming months entitlement - I'll be happy to help you with that

A x

WeBuiltCisCityOnSexistRoles · 30/12/2019 19:00

People really need to stop offering money like this. It's so fucking irresponsible. As for posters offering other people's money....

gamerchick · 30/12/2019 19:01

Some people like to help others. If they can afford it what is the issue

Because we get flooded with scammers if they get a sniff of it and they try it on every year. It's far better to point to the right kind of help than cough up coin to an internet random.

WeBuiltCisCityOnSexistRoles · 30/12/2019 19:06

Exactly. I'm a big fan of RL Random Acts of Kindness, but offering money and food (and other people's money!) is not a kindness as it encourages other people to take advantage as they see MN as "easy pickings".

There is so much good advice here, and on previous threads, and in the MNHQ link. Much more helpful to much more people than blindly offering money to strangers on the internet (would anyone be happy with their DC doing this?!)

Responses like these are exactly why MN has so many trolls/begging threads (I'm not saying OP is a troll, just to be clear. I'm talking about the responses).

FamilyOfAliens · 30/12/2019 19:07

I have food vouchers I give to families in need - I work in a school so I’m not in at the moment but if I knew I’d someone was desperate I would phone the food bank and explain the situation myself. No social work involvement at all.

Also in my LA we have a social fund where you can apply for a one-off grant of £40-50 to pay for things like energy costs and food. I’ve referred loads of families for this when there have been delays with benefits or sanctions etc.

WorraLiberty · 30/12/2019 19:10

Yes there was a time when MN was overrun with begging threads that would start around mid October (so obvious people wanted money for Christmas).

Then MNHQ composed their standard 'warning' message and started to delete them and they gradually became less and less.

Some of the replies on this thread are ridiculous and do nothing but encourage beggers and scammers.

If you really must offer money/things/other people's money to strangers, at least do it off thread.

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 30/12/2019 19:10

Offering money or goods also puts off genuine people who are worried about being accused of scrounging, when all they really want is advice.

Sadbadglad · 30/12/2019 19:13

Sorry, I did not mean to annoy people. I meant it in good faith

PolloDePrimavera · 30/12/2019 19:17

@Stuckandsadintheupsidedown I volunteer for my local food bank which is also in the glorious NW but not by the seaside alas! We suggest clients go to their local BlueSCI centre, which have replaced CABs here. You could go there to get vouchers and thus avoid SW. you get a lot of food, it is all non perishable so will last if you don't use it all. And the centre would hopefully be able to give you general advice as well. Good luck .

PolloDePrimavera · 30/12/2019 19:19

Or contact Fareshare fareshare.org.uk, they try to cut down on food waste by redistributing. Finally, apparently 7pm is the best time to supermarket shop to get bargains. Not great with a child but needs must...

FruitcakeOfHate · 30/12/2019 19:20

It was said by a pp but spend the day at your local library for the free heating and WiFi. Lots of people stay there for the day so you won’t stand out and it will save you in heating.

In lots of places, especially rural, the libraries have closed down or are closed for the holidays.

Newmumma83 · 30/12/2019 19:31

@Stuckandsadintheupsidedown morrisons have an thing where they sell a box of food for £3.09 www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.thesun.co.uk/money/10418050/morrisons-boxes-unsold-supermarket-food/amp/

They also do a wonky veg box for £3.50 ( just look on their website or google ) doesn’t help this minuet maybe but could help save future purchases

Good luck op your doing an amazing job

FamilyOfAliens · 30/12/2019 19:33

As for posters offering other people's money....

How does that work? I’ve suggested a good bank and the local authority emergency fund, both of which you have to be eligible for.

FamilyOfAliens · 30/12/2019 19:33

Food bank

WorraLiberty · 30/12/2019 19:38

The 'offering other people's money' was upthread.

Someone suggest that a Mumsnetter (but not them!) did a small grocery shop for the OP.

sanityisamyth · 30/12/2019 19:47

I have no idea if this is genuine but I read this on Facebook just now.

To anyone who is struggling financially, and has a Pre-Payment Meter. If you have less than £4 on your meter, and don’t get paid for several days, phone and ask for a ‘Fuel Voucher.’ It is £49 & can be applied for twice a year, and you DO NOT have to repay.
A PIN number is texted to your mobile phone.
Just show it to your top up shop, along with your gas card or electric key.
The fuel companies do not advertise this scheme.
There is no shame in anyone saying they need help.

People should NOT have to choose between. "Heating and Eating” This is for low income families and people on benefits.
See additional link below re Foodbanks

Worth a try?

AtleastitsnotMonday · 30/12/2019 19:49

OP I know it seems a bit sad to do but do you have any unopened Christmas gifts you could take back to get a credit voucher?

Dieu · 30/12/2019 19:53

Where are you OP? If you're anywhere near Edinburgh (well, you did mention touristy!), then I'd be happy to help x

SciFiScream · 30/12/2019 19:57

@Stuckandsadintheupsidedown some great advice on this thread. (Including most of what I'd normally share!)

Your rant is well done.

I'd back another poster advising the MSE forums. Some good advice there. One thing I'd never thought of was using the oven to fullest advantage (so cooking several things at once) and then when finished cooking...leave the oven door open to heat the space nearby. Genius!

If you boil the kettle pop any "spare" water into a hottie.

Pop a tent up in the living room - a smaller space is easier to heat and pretend it's a big game/adventure.

You can do this. Just take it a step at the time and make it an adventure for your DD.

SciFiScream · 30/12/2019 20:01

This might help?

www.frugalfamily.co.uk/ten-ways-to-keep-warm-without-turning-up-the-heating/

crustycrab · 30/12/2019 20:03

It's obvious this OP isn't begging or a scammer. It's such a shame that those types of people are about.

I've messaged you OP if you happen to be in my town I can point you in the direction of food clubs etc. I do have excess food left over from Christmas and anyone would be welcome to it because it won't be used here.

Wish the food banks took fresh produce.