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Original poster

(Not a begging thread) fucking eating or heating

191 replies

Stuckandsadintheupsidedown · 30/12/2019 16:22

Just a rant and certainly not begging. I just can't believe I'm in this position and could use some advice. I haven't name changed.

A while ago I was quite good financially but this year has utterly crippled me. I kicked abusive violent ex partner out in May finally, went to the police etc, it's all going through the cps now and I have lovely emotional support via women's aid. I applied for help from HMRC as I only work part time. I had to cut back on some of my hours as I wasn't safe getting home from work late (he stalked me for 3 months until bail conditions kicked in)
I've been applying for full time since summer but I live in a touristy area and competition is quite fierce.
Childcare is expensive (have 1 primary aged dc) but I'm managing to keep on top of my rent and childcare bills. Checked my account today, to see if my £20 cheque that was a Christmas gift from my uncle has cleared.
£15 of it has been swallowed by Wi-Fi payment that I totally forgot about so not I have £5.83 to last until Friday.
I'm in my emergency credit on the electric meter.
I literally have to choose to not heat my home in order to feed me and dc this week.
We have some gifted Xmas chocolate left, plus eggs and flour and butter so I know we will just about scrape it. But it's so fucking depressing. I'm trying to keep going and be proud I escaped but it feels like punishment some days.
I don't want to borrow money because I can't pay it back without dipping into next month iyswim, I asked the bank for a small overdraft but have been declined.
Just utterly defeated this afternoon.

OP posts:
gavisconismyfriend · 30/12/2019 17:42

Social services won’t judge you for using a food bank - sadly so many families are having to use them nowadays. Don’t let that be the reason you don’t get help.

Original poster
Stuckandsadintheupsidedown · 30/12/2019 17:43

worraliberty we've posted on the same threads for a good 12 years. I was tink87 before I changed it to stuckandsad

OP posts:
Emma330912 · 30/12/2019 17:43

There's some good sites where neighbours put up food they're not using/near sell by date, that they are giving away as they don't want it going to waste, might be worth looking into. Also, I know this isn't immediate, but focus groups are great for earning a bit of extra cash here and there, especially if youre part time as a lot is during working hours

Interested in this thread?

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Cost of living
kateandme · 30/12/2019 17:44

youve been so brave and fought so hard.you sound like a supermum.
i know sometimes when your in the middle of the fight it can feel like whats the point as you seem to be fighting for waht? to keep going in more pain and anguish?... but how much worse was it befoore,or could it have become. so getting out was always the better option.
if you have wifi anyway could you also look up some music or dancing vidoes.could you do this with your daughter one evening.this could get you both a bit more warmer whilst keeping you smiling for a bit.
some mn have great tips when you need to keep warm.
it seems pretty mellow compared to how it been recently so you might be ok.
dont fear going for foodbanks.many many people do.and those you least expect it at the moment are falling under and needing it.current times are hard for so many. you deserve help.
dont despair.look at what you have been through.look at the freedom you have now.look at how you and your daughter will no longer be abused.that is amazing.and you did that.you did that for the both of you.
keep on going.take care.

Yetanotherwinter · 30/12/2019 17:45

Social services will only have an issue if you’re not protecting your child and providing for your child. You’ve done a amazing job of protecting your little one. Now you have to swallow your pride and ask for help. No one will judge you. They will see that you’re doing your best. You deserve a huge amount of respect for leaving your violent partner. You need to stay strong and see through the ongoing prosecution. You can do this.

WorraLiberty · 30/12/2019 17:45

You don't have to keep outing yourself OP

I'm not saying anything about you personally as I don't know you, and I'm sure you haven't/won't accept any offers from people anyway, so it's a moot point.

stickerqueen · 30/12/2019 17:46

who are your gas providers? I know utilita have a thing called power up for those who are at risk of running out of gas not sure if other providers do this too.

Boppingbooper · 30/12/2019 17:47

I've talked for hours today with a woman who has yet to find the strength to leave her abusive boyfriend. My heart broke for her and her dc. Please don't forget how much strength and determination you must have had to have got dc and yourself out of an abusive situation. You can do this op and keep going. This hard time won't last forever.
Use every resource you can find, food banks and utility emergency fund and anything and know that you are doing that all for the good of your dc. Its absolutely shit situation to be in but you have don't amazingly well to get so far so you can find a way through this Flowers

Shockers · 30/12/2019 17:47

Hi Stuck. I’d your town begins with an M, I might be able to find out where your food banks are and how to get a referral. I have worked with families in need there before. There is absolutely no shame whatsoever in accepting help- the shame should come from a government which allows people to slip through the gaps like this.

KittyMarion · 30/12/2019 17:47

Food banks are usually in church halls or community centres or places like that. They aren't grim. I can understand you not wanting to expose your daughter to anything harmful but having enough to eat is really important. If you can scrape enough to get by until she gets back to school look at getting a referral then
Also don't be too proud to talk to her school. They will know where you can get help. Honestly it's so common now it's heartbreaking.

Shockers · 30/12/2019 17:48

If, not I’d!

HDDD · 30/12/2019 17:49

My experience of foodbanks is that they are incredibly discrete - please use your nearest, it's what they are they for.

Boppingbooper · 30/12/2019 17:49

Done not don't

Original poster
Stuckandsadintheupsidedown · 30/12/2019 17:49

Sorry I was Awoof before stuck and sad and tink87 before that. I'm not outing myself but I do feel like I have to defend myself a little.
Thanks everyone for the advice x

OP posts:
BlaueLagune · 30/12/2019 17:50

FGS why do people report these threads? Even if THIS OP wasn't genuine, other people in similar situations might be reading this and learning tips from it for their difficult situations.

Can people PLEASE stop reporting threads unless it's really serious.

OP I didn't want to read and run, I don't have any advice that hasn't already been given. Flowers

(PS if you have a parkrun near you they might have a run on New Year's Day and if so, may well be having a bit of a celebration and offering food, you don't have to run, you can just turn up to watch and maybe have a cake/chocolate or two).

Unescorted · 30/12/2019 17:55

Not all foodbanks need a voucher / referral. I help at a rural one in the NW (not coastal so no where near you) People can self refer & we deliver. We don't just do food, we also do anything that will save people having to make unnecessary journeys to the shops / services because public transport is expensive here. We can normally arrange something for most things. We are quite lucky b/c we have a lot of standing order donations which means that if we don't have the fix in we can buy it - including cylinder gas and fuel oil.

We advertise on our local Facebook sites and in supermarkets, libraries, school bags, churches, doctors.. you may have a similar service in your area. Rural foodbanks in our part of the NW have a network & if you get the wrong one at first one of them will point you in the right direction.

tattychicken · 30/12/2019 17:55

EDF not taking applications until Jan but that's not far away.

www.edfenergytrust.org.uk

FruitcakeOfHate · 30/12/2019 17:55

Foodbank all the way you don't need SS involvement to need them. And calling the HMRC? Are you on UC? You're UC if you applied last May, all councils have been UC since December, 2018, that's always been administered via DWP and even if you were on legacy benefits your change in circumstances would have triggered a UC move. You can apply online for an advance on UC payment and free up emergency cash that way.

imamum21 · 30/12/2019 17:55

if your energy provider can help your £5.83 will get you bag of pasta, jar of sauce, bag of sausages, chips or potatoes (obviously depending on where you shop) do you get help with childcare if its tax credits your on i know they pay a percentage- i have no idea how much % they pay as i dont claim, universal credits may be a better option as they pay a higher % of childcare and help with rent etc, join universal credit essentials and there is a calculator that you can work it out to see if you would be better off changing. also there is a fb page called feed yourself for £1 a day which might help with ideas for food etc. everyone has probably been in a similar position i know i have, infact im sitting with £1.53 in my bank, get child benefit tomorrow and paid on thursday (well possible depending if payments been processed) anytime your in the shops check for reduced items, stick them in your freezer etc

Gardai · 30/12/2019 17:55

People can report what and who they like, sir.

WorraLiberty · 30/12/2019 17:55

You don't need to defend yourself at all OP, as I'm sure you're not accepting offers of anything.

itsgettingweird · 30/12/2019 17:56

Food is what I'd first (and no shame in food bank).

If your are hungry then the body becomes tired and sluggish and then it's harder to keep warm.

Blankets and hot water bottles are good.

Also things like beans on toast for food etc.

You should be proud of showing your dd how to be a strong independent woman. We've all had hard times.

DuMondeB · 30/12/2019 17:56

With regards to potentially having to drag your DD along to the food bank - my DH spent a year in a homeless hostel as a child and it made him grow up to be kind and non-judgemental so please don’t assume it will negatively impact her. Her current peers don’t have to know about it.

Muchtoomuchtodo · 30/12/2019 17:57

Lots of advice for you to look at immediately OP, you sound like a tough cookie.

Does your dad get free school meals? In Wales that means you can also get grants towards school uniform too, not sure of it’s the same in England. I think it’s about £150 so worth looking into.

WeGoHigher · 30/12/2019 17:58

I’d happily give my neighbours some essentials to keep them going- in fact I’d be horrified if they were struggling that much and I could have helped

God, absolutely this ^^ as @Seriouslyconfused3 says.

I'm nowhere near you or I'd drop them round myself. Shit times happen to all of us. Flowers