Seriously, Christmas makes me so unhappy - how to change it?

[marvelousways]

Has anyone ever totally changed the way they do Christmas? What did you do? How did it go down?
Every year I get to this point totally worn out, sad, fed up and exhausted and swear next year will be different and every year I put myself through the same old shit.
I have 6 dc. They are all older now (ranging in age from 21- 11) which does make it a bit better. But I also work full time and every year ALL of Christmas is down to me. ALL the present planning, buying, sorting, wrapping, stockings etc... My kids dont have massive amounts tbf but it all adds up. I do all the food planning, ordering, collecting etc , I put up all the decoartaions, plan when we will do various Christmas things and book them, remind everyone when everything is happening etc...
Christmas day is thankfully just us, but then a couple of days after (today) we visit my family - which I do manage to keep mercifully short.

Really I know I have a lot to be thankful for - we are not loaded but are comfrotable, we have nice food, kids have decent (although not ott) gifts etc...but it all just makes me so bloody miserable. I get some crap last minute gifts from dh and a random gift from older dc and that is it.and I realise that makes me sound ungrateful. Everyone makes a mess all over the house that I constantly tidying up, the kids argue and dh is oblivious to how exhausted and fed up I am....

I would love to totally change how we do C hristmas but the kids all moan every time I suggest anything different and I dont know where to start. Can't bloody wait for it all to be over for another year tbh

Just to say - the DC who bought you a present is a girl. Is there a gender divide here? Are the girls shaping up and taking after you and the boys being shits and taking after their dad?

not really a boy/girl divide, no. Oldest dc is a boy (21) then girl (20), girl (17) ,Girl (15), girl (13) and boy (11)
3 oldest and 2 youngest are hopeless at helping. Only one ever vaguely helpful or thoughtful is the 15 year old.(sorry, put 14 yr old before - that was typo she is in fact 15!)

She's sharing up nicely to be her mother..

Shaping! Ffs! Predictive kills ever nuance stone dead

springy she will definitely not become me thank god. She has got an excellent sense of herself and is very good at standing up for herself absolutely not bothered what other people think of her, and is very definitely not a people pleaser. She can be kind and helpful though.

Growing up in my house Christmas was

All of us helped clean the house up before Christmas apart from my dad, who was usually working up to Christmas Eve.

All of us prepped Christmas lunch. Children did the veg prep. Even as tinies we were expected to "help" even if it was just cutting up a banana with a butter knife.

Parents obviously did the major bits of Christmas lunch like the meat and gravy and serving up. Children laid the table.

Once children were old enough, we cleared table and washed up - I think I was about 12 or 13.

We were expected to buy Christmas presents for others in the immediate family - not extravagant, but something - and wrap them ourselves from the age of 11 when we started getting an allowance. We were encouraged to help think of "what would Auntie Mabel like do you think?" before that.

I think we did feel we did a lot more than our friends did BUT we had no idea of the work involved in the run up, organising who is going where and when, food shopping, food planning, gift organising for extended family, etc etc.

Why do you feel the need to do all the cliched old crap to do with the 25th of December? It’s one day, do the kids do fuck all every other day of the year and whinge and pout if you don’t perform? Buy a few pizzas, who cares. No need for lights and resource guzzling tat. The 21yr old who whinges if mummy doesn’t cater to his whims needs to be corrected, that’s ridiculous. You providing cleaning services and catering and gifts by yourself is ridiculous. No one appreciates it, so why bother?
You have a huge number of children, enable them to have basic life skills and not inflict another load of people into society who are burdens to women. Their father is a deadbeat who seems to do fuck all except get you pregnant? What’s the point of him? I’m flabbergasted. Get all these entitled people to participate in functioning on a day to day basis, and take yourself off on holiday for December next year, as it stands your entire being made a dick of, wasting tour money, time and energy for NO reason.

(Ok, so you have a load of girl children, so you’re teaching them that women pander to everyone, that’s not good.)