Most boring family Christmas conversation competition

[GinNsnowmen]

So far this Christmas break we have had how the woman across the road keeps her bins to the SIDE of her path at the driveway and a long extended discussion about the pros and cons of bin positioning. Apparently "we just don't know what she gets up to" is a comment that was appropriate in that conversation. I'm not sure what my neighbours think about my bin position?!!

High drama of the day has been when an unknown car parked perfectly legally near the house. This prompted lots of walking back and forwards at windows and some fake retrieval of stuff from our cars to nosey. Can anyone compete with that level of drama? A friend suggested we log it with 101.

(And as it seems necessary to say this these days this is lighthearted. I love my family but in large doses they are exhausting and this is just some light relief to keep me smiling politely.)

She's coming back on the 2nd for New Year's steak pie, which she really does love, but what's the bets I buy a whole load more food to push on her.
Arrrrgh, I can't help myself.

DH and I stayed home with the kids this year so I missed the continual discussion about the central heating temperature that my parents usually have.

We also haven’t seen the PiLs so didn’t get to talk about how fast people drive past their house - with FiL repeatedly getting up and down to look out the window then suck his teeth everyone someone drives past faster than 10 miles an hour

DH and I did however have a long and boring discussion about bin day - it was a day later than usual.

Also, if the dog could talk what would her voice sound like, should we swap the towel shelf and bedding shelf around in the airing cupboard, and today a very long, convoluted conversation about what time we should walk the dog - it couldn’t be too early as we wanted to go straight to the yard to do my DD’s horses, but we had to pick DD up from the cinema on the way, but I also needed to cook some ham for turkey and ham pie.

We’ve been off work too long

MIL- do you remember Jenny, she's Bob's sister's wife's cousin's friends's second cousin, surely you remember her
DH- I don't even know who Bob is
MIL- he was 4 years below you at primary school

Repeat with every other local from 40+ years ago.

MIL- is meowcat still vegetarian? I got her some chicken.
DH- she's still the same vegetarian she was when you first met her over 25yrs ago.

I can't decide if it's better to get bread that's pre-sliced, or to ask the baker for an unsliced loaf. (Despite an hour and a half weighing up the pros and cons of each this was never resolved.)

NO! We’re all on tenterhooks here...

And the other one..

FIL- it's a bit chilly, shall I put the heating on?
Whacks heating up to 27c

Half an hour later
fIL- it's quite warm now, shall I turn the heating down?
Slams heating down to 15c

Half an hour later
FIL- it's a bit chilly, shall I put the heating up?

Up to 27c, back down to 15c, up to 27...all evening! Why not keep it at a constant temp?

I have a certain family member for whom every visit starts by them asking what driving route we took to get to our destination. Every time we will be told that we picked the wrong route and we should have gone another way instead. DH (unfortunately for me) is also quite boring and will get really involved in this conversation and start discussing the relative merits of taking each junction, and about various traffic lights, roundabouts etc that you can get stuck at on each different route and have an in depth pro / con analysis of each possible route to get to said destination. It's a conversation that can go on for some time between the two of them and it is as boring as fuck.

The boxing day highlight of a piece of paper with random names on being passed around because it has mention of my uncle with tall London lad as a note.

That's how I'll hear Bing sing it for the rest of my days

Wrapping paper.

How many rolls left over from last year, how many new ones we bought, how many we used. And did you know that you can’t recycle the sparkly stuff.
To be fair I was very involved in the conversation.

I also have many ‘do you remember, Doreen, who we lived next door to when you were 3?’ Er no.

My mum likes to tell me things that I told her, then argue with me when I tell her that. I'm one of a big family and we're interchangeable in terms of who's said what to her.

The venerable Bede! I kid you not 😬

@Freshprincess Sounds like my mum. Last Christmas she told me something about a neighbour from 35 years ago.

@HollowTalk my dad does that too. I was telling him about my fence, it’s broken and I said I’d have to ask my neighbour for access to replace it. About half an hour later when we were talking about something else he said ‘will you have to ask neighbour about fixing the fence’. Er, yes I just told you.

Friend drops in just before Christmas. She never married, no children, no family and an ex living overseas. Starts sobbing about how ex wasn’t getting back to her and how she will be all alone at Christmas.
I give a pep talk and invite her to spend the day with us to which she says she will let me know Christmas morning. I start finding a gift, changing seating and adding shopping.
Get a text to say she’s staying home, got loads of food and films to watch so what WAS that all about....

“Have you remembered everything? Have you got the Milton?”

Once, 13 years ago, I accidentally left a bottle of Milton at PIL’s house.

“Was Miss Clare with us that time we visited X Country park/NT house/museum/anywhere, Brian?”

Because I once stayed at home to paint DC’s bedroom whilst DH took them to PIL’s house. Once. In 25 years.

Noooooooooooo! I need more! This thread is hilarious. I particularly liked the one about the DH going for a wee and his parents repeatedly asking if he'd gone out
I also like the song Feliz Navidad

People do use a lot of sellotape these days.

I've recently become converted to the Japanese wrapping method. 1 piece of sticky tape.

MIL has social anxiety and instead of listening, seems to panic and try to think of a question to ask, which she'll interrupt conversations to ask, for fear that there'd be a silence. She also asks the same questions over and over again.
GFIL has dementia, and when he hears a question asked, it often doesn't sink in for about 5 mins, at which point he'll ask it as if it was an original question

We had 6 full cycles of talking about what time my children got up, and in what order they woke, and how that compares to normal waking routine. At least when people monologue, you can zone out!

Mine was both sets of parents (DH and mine) enthusiastically exchanging opinions on "modern" architecture in various European cities and how terrible it was. To my certain knowledge, not one of them had been to any of the aforementioned cities in the past 20 years (possibly longer) and even if their opinion was valid, the likelihood is the city will HAVE FUCKING CHANGED in the intervening time.

I was so pissed off by this nonenity of a conversation I had to leave the room.

And yy, to previous poster who said, why witter on endlessly about a) the dead or b) the past, when you could be interacting with your actual living breathing grandchildren right now?

Mrs Frosty and foxes you both have my sympathy. I dared to get run over as a child and have been reminded of it for over 30 years. I've managed to cross roads safely ever since but will forevermore be reminded that I once didn't.

Had a few of these conversations this year but the best/worst one came on boxing day. Having a 4 way Skype convo with in laws - MIL, BIL1 and BIL2, who live overseas.

BIL 1: So what did you have for your Xmas meal?
DH: It was nice, we had turkey, ham... (describes the meal)
BIL1: What was that, can't hear you!
DH: (describes meal again)
BIL 2: What did you guys have for your Xmas lunch?
DH: (describes the meal again)
MIL: What did you have for your Xmas lunch 1300?
Me: (describes meal for a 4th time)

Interspersed with "move back MIL you are too close to the camera... Now you are too far... You are holding the phone upside down"

Did you see in the paper before each sentence
Did you see on that Facebook (only reads it doesnt know how to post)
Did you watch X programme - errr nooo as I said before it's not a programme I watch
What time date etc is x doing Y -err I really dont know and even when I do and tell you , its promptly forgotten
To be fair I'm sure I will be similar when I am old

We went out for Christmas dinner. Curry house that also offers traditional dinner. FIL is having curry.

Waiter - curry comes with mixed starter, traditional cokes with soup or prawn cocktail

FIL - I'll have the soup

Waiter - Sir, curry comes with mixed starter. Soup or prawn cocktail with traditional only

FIL - oh. I'll have the prawn cocktail then

Waiter repeats

FIL - what soup is it?

Waiter & us - repeat

FIL - oh right. So prawn cocktail or soup, then?

AAARRRGGHHHHHHH

We speak loudly and slowly. Penny drops...

Waiter brings starter

FIL - did I order the prawn cocktail or the soup?

Iklboo downs glass of wine. DH headbutts table. Mrs FIL gives daggers.

(NO dementia or MH issues)

oh and the weather going to get cold next week going to snow errr in Scotland we are down south!!!
And this person has no need to go out in it in any case!!! this is a regular conversation lol

My DM going on and on about their neighbour.

DM "we're having a lot of problems with our neighbour. He had a right go at other neighbour for parking out side his house for a few minutes."

DF" he didn't have a go at her though"

DM "no but he made a face like he did"

He also had his kerb dropped without consulting DM (he didn't need to but she thinks it was rude). He made a face which implied DM and DF had been up too late singing carols with friends , and he has been asking people about going down to just one car per household IN A FUNNY MANNER.

She's obsessed. STFU, Mother!!!