How would you split this gift (money)?

[RoonyTunes]

MIL has very generously sent money for Christmas, we live overseas. She sent £600 and said that she thinks DS1 (26) doesn't need presents any more so the money should be split £200 to DS2 (21), £200 to DD (16) and £100 each to myself and DH.

DH is uncomfortable with DS1 being excluded and wants him to have a share. I agree and I know that if we ask the two younger ones they will not want their brother left out even though DD doesn't have an income and DS2 is in Uni with a part time job.

So, would you
(A) do what the giver has asked, DS1 won't be expecting anything so we can tell him or not
(B) split the money three ways and basically give DS1 our share
(C) in Aussie dollars it amounts to $1100 so all three "kids" get $300 each and DH and I take $100 each meaning that the younger two get $66 each less than the other options.

DH and I don't desperately need the money but self employment has caused some cash flow issues recently so it would be nice to have a meal out (and we could send MIL a photo saying "thanks for buying us dinner"). DS1 works full time BUT is currently employed as a firefighter in the middle of our awful bushfires so I am inclined to treat him as much as I can.

I'd split it evenly what is she thinking ?!

That’s incredibly mean of her. Absolutely split it equally between all of you.

C

Does she not like grandson 1? Feels really mean. I would go with option c, but would also mention to Granma how terrible DS1 would feel with being ignored. She lost the plot on this one

Well by her reasoning, you and your DH don't need presents anymore either, yet you both got a share.

C
And I wish your elder DS lots of luck with his current job. Must require huge amounts of dedication at the moment.

I'm with everyone else, c.
I don't know what she's thinking, grandchildren should be equal no matter their age and like pp said, by her reasoning you and dh shouldn't get money?

Split is as you suggested in option C and give your son a massive hug when you see him.

Tell him to stay safe and thank him.

C. Agreed, why does she think you and her son need presents as an adult but a 26 year old doesn't?

C

Absolutely include DS1, I'd go for C too, and would tell her you're including him as it's unkind / unfair not to.

Why does she think you and dh should have a share and not ds1? Bizarre!

Same situation here with a 25 year old in full time employment and younger dcs unemployed/at uni. They always get money from MIL and other relatives. Nobody has suggested ds1 should be excluded!

Presumably you aren't giving MIL a gift on the basis that she's old enough and wealthy enough (if she can afford to give £600) to not deserve one.

And much admiration to ds1 for doing such a difficult and important job. ⭐️

D) Split it equally but count you and DH as one person, so kids all get £150 and you and DH get £75 each.

That way the younger two only get £50 less than planned and you still get your nice meal.

How odd. Split it 4 ways, counting you and dh as one.

Agree with splitting it four ways- works out as £275 each (with you and DH as one)

What is the back story here? This is not normal. My own mother treats her grandchildren very differently, but at least all the ones in the same house are treated the same (like shit- mine) you can’t do that within the same family. Is DS1 a step grandchild? She sounds horrible.

B, split it between the kids

I'd do B personally, but anything that isn't A would be acceptable. Is there a reason to cut him out?

A bit mean of her. Why exclude your DS because he’s working? You work but you and DH are getting a share?

I'd probably go for option C - your eldest DS must be working so hard at the moment and while I know it's not the same everywhere, firefighters in the UK aren't that well paid considering what they do and what they earn isn't enough to live in many areas so may still be struggling financially.

I probably wouldn't go into details with MIL about how the money was split, just say thank you, DH and I went out for dinner and the DC did/bought X, Y and Z.

I’m in Australia. When I read your post my first thought was if ds1 is fighting our horrific bushfires I vote he gets all the money, he deserves it. Ok, not really but he should definitely be included. Very odd outlook from your MIL.

I would split the money between all of the children, yourself and husband equally.

What do you think her thought process we there? Both you and dh got an amount each and you don't need it either. Does she get on well with him? It sounds mean.

Option C

Does DS1 work? Has he been working a few years? Does he remember to send a gift to his DGM? No.....if not that's the reason she's excluded him. He's a grown up and can manage his own affairs now. (You treat him all you like - but use your.money). Or she's just making a.pint that once the kids are no longer studying dependents she is stopping.....maybe she's treated other grandkids the same - maybe she can't afford to keep paying indefinitely.

Very strange.

I know some people do gifts up to a certain age (usually 18) and then nothing. Which is fair I suppose because all the kids will have 18 years worth of presents/cash. But it’s weird that she’s splashing around such huge amounts of money (so she’s not in a position where she can’t afford to give gifts to everyone in the family) and has specified that she wants it to go between 3 adults and a child, but wants to exclude a 4th adult who is the second youngest of all the adults, so it’s not an age thing or a “need” based thing as she is claiming. That is very mean spirited. Is there a backstory here? Some issue between herself and the eldest grandchild?

I would either send the whole lot back to her and say that you won’t have DS1 excluded, or I would just split it between the kids equally. I absolutely, 100% would not allow DS1 to have nothing whilst everyone else gets a share.