Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Anyone else got a Christmas bastard?

84 replies

Zaphodsotherhead · 19/12/2019 16:50

Putting the decorations up today. I got out my Christmas Garland, which I wind with lights and put up along the staircase.

Well, anything that could get tangled, did get tangled, the lights got stuck on the fake fir cones, the garland got caught on itself, it snagged on the bannister, every time I untangled the lights they'd tangle back up around each other and the whole thing took me an hour longer than it should have done.

I have hereby christened that garland 'The Christmas Bastard' and thusly shall it be known in this household.

Please make me feel better by telling me that it's not my cackhanded attempts to erect it and that other people have their own Christmas Bastards!

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
Goawayquickly · 19/12/2019 17:00

Yes I have sparkly twat stag. He has some battery lights twisted in his antlers and I cannot set him free.

Original poster
Zaphodsotherhead · 19/12/2019 17:05

Perhaps we should display Twat Stag and The Christmas Bastard together, on some hidden dusty shelf, miles from any celebrations!

OP posts:
iklboodolphrednosedreindeer · 19/12/2019 17:12

We have Lemming chocolate coins. Every time I put them on the tree the bastards fling themselves out again shitting the cats up.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Events & celebrations
OhioOhioOhio · 19/12/2019 17:14

I was so hopeful that this thread was about bastard stbxh husbands.

MrsMoastyToasty · 19/12/2019 17:18

I have a cunty artificial tree. Doesn't it know that it's artificial and therefore not supposed to drop "needles"?

Anyone else got a Christmas bastard?
IsAnybodyListening · 19/12/2019 17:30

The baby Jesus somehow got decapitated, so that's a whole load of wrong to start with. No idea why I even own a nativity scene in the first place.

SecretWitch · 19/12/2019 17:33

We have sad Santa. His head keeps falling off. Often when you look at the tree all you see is Santa body and the stump of his neck

BercowsFestiveFlamingo · 19/12/2019 17:47

The halo broke off my angel. Figures.

Chimpfield · 19/12/2019 17:56

Sums it up for me!

Anyone else got a Christmas bastard?
LoadOfBaubles · 19/12/2019 17:57

Stupid Sliding Baubles that just will not stay on the tree. I put them on nice and securely. I come home, at least five have slipped off. Every.Single.DAY. Slidey idiots.

woooooo · 19/12/2019 17:59

I have a Wanky Wreath that's a right bugger to put on the front door.

WheresMyChocolate · 19/12/2019 17:59

Yes I have sparkly twat stag. He has some battery lights twisted in his antlers and I cannot set him free.

We have his twin brother. Feckin antlers keep falling off too. I'd shoot him but the then herd would be sad.

yoohooitsme · 19/12/2019 18:01

I may have recently explained in all pretend seriousness to DS that untangling Christmas lights is part of the fun!

AbbieLexie · 19/12/2019 18:03

Our Christmas bastard is in the bucket after the dog explored twice. Could not be arsed putting it back together again.

nancy75 · 19/12/2019 18:07

My Christmas tree is the bastard this year - decided to get a nice real tree, it’s up, looks lovely, only problem me & Dd are allergic to the bastard thing

Pandoraslastchance · 19/12/2019 18:10

I've got a string of beautiful snowflakes that are absolute arseholes as they tangle and then get locked in each other.

MissCherryCakeyBun · 19/12/2019 18:12

We have a wank Garland that's suicidal....wanky thing has now pulled 2 lots of command hooks off the wall in its suicidal urges this time it's taken paint with it it's now living with its shame in the corner of the porch not posing in a resplendent fashion around the door which is what it's supposed to do.

MsMellivora · 19/12/2019 18:14

I have a beautiful wreath for the front door but the little sparkly apples keep falling off, never had the problem before.

polkadotpixie · 19/12/2019 18:23

I have a "festive" owl that DH insists must top the tree. It has dangly beige pom-poms that look exactly like testicles...and they're wonky

I hate that owl 😡

Witsendagain · 19/12/2019 18:26

Mines my husband... I carefully untangle all the lights, he picks them up 'to be helpful' et voilà! A twatty shiny tangle fest! And don't get me started on his repositioning of the decorations... my tree, my decorations, my artistry, don't touch! (Before I get lynched I do all the cleaning, cooking, present buying, etc. for the whole family making sure I get stuff they like over my preferences, so the tree is for me!)

PrivateSpidey · 19/12/2019 18:31

My tree has fallen down twice. I was on the point of shoving it in the green bin the second time but it's now back up - if it topples again it's gone

TheFaerieQueene · 19/12/2019 18:37

I have some bastarding birch stars. One more year of nonsense from them and they are in the wood burner!

labazsisgoingmad · 19/12/2019 19:54

i have bastard baubles those pin things that go in the top with the loop for hanging keep coming out. got some them hook things to hang the baubles on the tree with soon as i put them on out comes the pin thing and how come every morning half the baubles are on the floor but were fine when i went to bed?

doodoodoodoodoolittlelulu · 19/12/2019 20:49

That sodding elf.

Whiskeylover45 · 19/12/2019 20:58

We have a few ornaments where something has snapped off DS. Including the shepherds in the nativity lambs head. They're sitting there staring at me, waiting to be glue gunned --cba--