Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

My in laws are driving me crazy with house hunting

83 replies

ODFOkaren · 18/12/2019 12:55

Let me say that they are nice people.
We do get on very well (although I’m starting to suspect that I get on with FIL better as we are currently 200 miles away).

I am great full to have them, they are wonderful grandparents and took my DD from a previous marriage as their own GC immediately. Great people.

But. But. We are moving closer to them as we can’t afford to live in the SE any more. I’m killing myself working stupid shifts, we have to claim top up housing benefit even though we both work full time. It’s miserable and we need to get out.

PIL are going to stump up the deposit on a rental as we Obviously won’t have our deposit on this place back until after we move and cost of moving, will help out with any overlap of rent on the two places. We will pay them back as soon as we get the deposit - house prices here are crazy so our deposit on this place is enormous. We can’t borrow from anyone else or get a loan.

FIL thinks this gives him the choice over which house we rent. He’s repeatedly said no to ones we like. Has said that we are not to live more than half a mile from them (houses 2 miles the other way are cheaper and bigger).

It’s driving me nuts.

Dh argues with him constantly and I am trying my best to keep out of it although I am sick to death of seeing nice houses in our price range and having the idea snatched away.

We are so greatful but this is really stressful, even more so as we have 3 DC to move across the country, schools and things.

Typing this out it’s all so stupid and boring and am re thinking posting.

OP posts:

justilou1 · 18/12/2019 13:04

Don’t do it. If he thinks he has this kind of dominion now, he’ll be getting keys cut and popping in unannounced whenever he feels like it. Save up a bit longer and do it yourself. Tell him to keep his deposit. It’s really not worth it.

Original poster

ODFOkaren · 18/12/2019 13:06

I wish we could but we can’t. The landlord will increase our rent in Feb. It’s ridiculous as it is (although bottom end for here) an increase will make it unaffordable. Moving here isn’t an option as we claim top up housing benefit - no one will rent to you. We got lucky with this place as it’s falling apart.

OP posts:

Original poster

ODFOkaren · 18/12/2019 13:07

And I didn’t think of him popping in etc.

OP posts:

Fucck · 18/12/2019 13:39

You need to stand up to them.
Boundaries!
"No Paul, that house doesn't suit us. This is the house we are going for"
This will never come off if you don't say no to him. If he pulls out then he pulls out. If you move into "his" house he'll trample over every inch of your life. No win situation.

Aderyn19 · 18/12/2019 13:46

You are borrowing the money from him - he isn't giving it to you. I think you are going to have to be very blunt. The money you are spending is yours, not his. All he is doing is advancing it to you temporarily.
You really don't want to be living half a mile away with him popping in as and when he sees fit.
I think if he won't see reason you have to find yourself a new plan

SleepwalkingThroughLife · 18/12/2019 13:54

Do the local council have a system where you can borrow a deposit from them? Some do.

Original poster

ODFOkaren · 18/12/2019 13:58

For private rent? We won’t be claiming any benefits there as it’s way cheaper (Dh will commute back two days a week).

OP posts:

Troels · 18/12/2019 14:11

Just don't accept his deposit money. You don't need that level of interference in your life.

thefattestchip · 18/12/2019 14:18

Can you get a loan for the deposit?

Original poster

ODFOkaren · 18/12/2019 14:18

The trouble is we can’t move without it! Money is so tight here we’re lucky if we’ve got a tenner at the end of the month. My parents are dead so there is no other help.

We tried to get a loan but we weren’t accepted. We sort of stuck.

Dh isn’t one of those awful wimp husbands when it comes to his dad, they’ve had some clangers over this. FIl just won’t listen. He knows best. It doesn’t help that I’ve only ever been to the area to visit their house - I know nothing about it, or the areas around it but we have to move there as we can’t cope money wise here. So I keep getting told, “no that house is in a terrible road” and things like that. Dh grew up there for 21 years but his opinion is always quashed too because he’s not lived there for 18 years and things have changed.

Mil thinks it’s ridiculous but FIl won’t listen to her either.

Dh is fed up. They are coming for a visit this weekend he wants to have it out with his dad then.

OP posts:

Original poster

ODFOkaren · 18/12/2019 14:20

We have a bad credit rating, we’ve been trying to keep our heads above water here for too long and have often had to max credit cards for emergencies, mainly not to disrupt the children during exams, my studys for work.

OP posts:

TreeTopTim · 18/12/2019 14:20

Has you dh told him that it isn't his money because you will be paying him back. Even if he was giving you the money he still shouldn't have a say as it it your house not his. He won't have to live in it.

thefattestchip · 18/12/2019 14:20

He needs to be firmer with his Dad then.

Original poster

ODFOkaren · 18/12/2019 14:22

I am slightly worried about when we are there though. Dh will look for jobs there when we move but in the meantime, he’ll be here working 2 days/nights a week. Leaving me at the mercy of FIl.

OP posts:

Original poster

ODFOkaren · 18/12/2019 14:24

Yeah he’s going to have to be really firm with him.

FIl has form for saying sod you then. He cut off SIL for a year because she wouldn’t move her job to a place closer to her kids school. He’s quite odd. So I don’t want to get on the wrong side of him and fuck this up.

He is a nice person though, great to the grandkids. But odd in his ways. Maybe I’ll see another side to him when we see him more than once every couple of months

OP posts:

SleepwalkingThroughLife · 18/12/2019 14:25

england.shelter.org.uk/housing_advice/private_renting/rent_deposit,_bond_and_guarantee_schemes

Original poster

ODFOkaren · 18/12/2019 14:26

It was a job he found at his friends company, that was lower paid and a massive step down from what she was doing, but he made such a huge fuss because it would mean that Dniece would be o after school club for a shorter time.

Oh god, thinking about it this could be a mistake.

OP posts:

SleepwalkingThroughLife · 18/12/2019 14:26

Oh that doesn't look right.

I googled how to get a rental deposit, and that came up.

Original poster

ODFOkaren · 18/12/2019 14:30

I’ve looked - it’s for people facing homelessness or on benefits, we wouldn’t qualify.

Would you believe that Dh works for housing benefit department at the local (so he’s quite savvy about this) and we still have to claim top up. It’s madness here.

OP posts:

Fucck · 18/12/2019 14:30

* He is a nice person though*

WeeDangerousSpike · 18/12/2019 14:30

There's lots of places in the UK cheaper than the SE. Just saying

Original poster

ODFOkaren · 18/12/2019 14:33

I know there are - it just makes sense to be near Dh family, his siblings are all in the area so it will be good to have them.

OP posts:

Original poster

ODFOkaren · 18/12/2019 14:34

@fucck yeah, I think I’ll see a different side. We only see them for the fun stuff at the moment, day to will be different.

OP posts:

Veterinari · 18/12/2019 14:48

Could his siblings or friends loan you the deposit?

Fere · 18/12/2019 15:15

Is the money coming through him as a guarantor ant therefore he is using his bank account details with Estate Agents? Or is he going to transfer that money to you and you are renting using yours?

Flip

1 2 3 4