We are going to spend Christmas with DH’s family next week and I’m worrying about MIL and SIL already - there is something about how they speak to me around DD which I find a bit odd. It’s like they try to isolate me from my daughter and I find it pretty confusing behaviour.
For context we see them 2-3 times a year as we live very far away. MIL is 60 and SIL is 25. SIL doesn’t live at home.
If there is a situation where I tell DD no, or says she can’t have something, MIL always says to DD that Aunt Jen would let you have that/play with that/eat that. E.g. “mummy won’t let you have another biscuit? You go and as Aunt Jen, she’ll give you one. Mummy is mean isn’t she”
Another example, DD (2) was sitting on my knee playing with the contents of my handbag and pulls out a lipstick and tries to draw all over my face. I said “no we don’t draw on people’s faces” and took it from her. MIL says to DD “Aunt Jen would always let you do that, mummy is no fun is she”
MIL also always does seating plans for meals at home (not formal place cards but tells everyone where they should sit) and puts DD’s high chair next to SIL and me and DH at the other end of the table. She says it’s because SIL will want to sit next to DD (SIL does indeed want to do this).
DD doesn’t like this as she’s not that familiar with SIL especially, and cries to get out and climbs on me or DH’s knee.
It sounds mild but it’s hard to put my finger on. It’s like MIL wants DD to think of me as a strict disciplinarian and that her own daughter is preferred by DD.
To be clear I don’t mind DD spending time with any relatives and want her to know them all as she’s grows up. DH has lots of siblings and cousins and I think DD is lucky to have a big family.
Does anyone know why MIL could say things like this and the point she’s trying to make? What should I say in these situations?