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Original poster

13weeks pregnant boyfriend won’t move in together

79 replies

maisiemoo26 · 16/12/2019 17:53

Hi bit of a background story,

We’ve been together 2 years, I have a 7 year old
From a previous relationship, we live 40 miles
Apart, he is refusing to move into a new place together because of having to get up earlier for work and travelling. I said for him to get a job down here and he won’t as he won’t get paid as much,

The reason I don’t want to move up to his way is because daughters settled in school, my mum is my childcare so that I can work and will be there to support me once baby is here, (he has no family support network)

Am I being unreasonable wanting to end the relationship as I’m not having a baby together and not living together if that makes sense?

Sorry for the long post but it’s constantly on my
Mind :(

OP posts:
Original poster
maisiemoo26 · 16/12/2019 17:56

I should of added I’m 26, he’s 29 and we
Both have our own places. And the baby was planned, we had spoke about moving in together before we found out and he kept saying to wait until January :/ x

OP posts:
TaliZorahVasNormandy · 16/12/2019 17:58

If he was serious about you and your family unit, there'd be ways to make it work. I understand your reasons for not wanting to move.

YorkieTheRabbit · 16/12/2019 17:59

Have you only spoken about this once you’ve become pregnant?
Could you move somewhere a bit closer to his work but still close enough for school and your mum? If the answer is no, and he’s just refusing to compromise then you’ll end up doing this without him. Flowers

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Original poster
maisiemoo26 · 16/12/2019 18:03

Thanks for your reply’s, @TaliZorahVasNormandy @yorkietherabbit I don’t drive, and would
Mean I’d be sort of stuck there.

We did talk about it before getting pregnant and he said November then it changed to January then early new year, maybe he just changed his
Mind.

If I moved up there I wouldn’t be able to go to work because of child care and would have to solely rely on him and his money which I don’t want to do l, where as if he moved this way I can work, I have support from my family ect (his family don’t bother with us) x

OP posts:
YorkieTheRabbit · 16/12/2019 18:03

Sorry crossed post op Smile

Booberella9 · 16/12/2019 18:04

Well you've done this the wrong way round haven't you. What possessed you to allow this man to impregnate you when he has made zero committment to you? Zero. Prepare to be a single parent OP.

Original poster
maisiemoo26 · 16/12/2019 18:07

Well I have trouble getting pregnant so didn’t actually think it would of happened this quickly, I’m happy to do this myself just didn’t know if I was being h reasonable x

OP posts:
AShaveAndAHarecutHalfPrice · 16/12/2019 18:08

Surely your problem is that he lied - he said let’s have a planned baby and then move in together, then changed his mind?

Am I reading that right?

How does he feel about the pregnancy?

Original poster
maisiemoo26 · 16/12/2019 18:09

He’s really excited and happy about the pregnancy @AShaveAndAHarecutHalfPrice that’s why I don’t understand why he doesn’t want to move in and be a family x

OP posts:
DowntonCrabby · 16/12/2019 18:12

Ask him how he sees it all working? He clearly doesn’t intend to be in any way hands on.

It’s shite he’s changing the goal posts OP so YANBU to want to end the relationship.

Whatever you do DO NOT move you/Dd/work to where he is. It’s very likely you’ll become a single parent of 2 and you and your DD need all the stability you have currently.

FlowersFlowers

Ginfordinner · 16/12/2019 18:14

Both have our own places. And the baby was planned,

Why didn't you move in together before you decided to get pregnant? This doesn't bode well. Sorry.

And how do you know you have trouble getting pregnant?

Original poster
maisiemoo26 · 16/12/2019 18:14

@downtoncrabby thanks for your reply, yeah I did make it clear to him I don’t feel comfortable moving to his area and he knew this before anyway. X

OP posts:
Haworthia · 16/12/2019 18:15

What makes you say you have trouble getting pregnant? You had a baby when you were 19!

FruitcakeOfHate · 16/12/2019 18:16

Do NOT move for this man! NFW! Don't leave your family support network at all. Prepare to go it alone. He's not on board.

Original poster
maisiemoo26 · 16/12/2019 18:17

@Ginfordinner I knew I’d have problems due to my previous pregnancy.

We’d already planned on him moving down in January but then he kept changing it saying jan, feb early new year, to suddenly it’ll be too far to travel for his work everyday and now says we shouldn’t move in together Just because we are having a baby ( even tho like I just said we actually planned on looking in January) x

OP posts:
Original poster
maisiemoo26 · 16/12/2019 18:18

@Haworthia I was told I’d need surgery on one of my tube before I’d be able to conceive x

OP posts:
IHaveBrilloHair · 16/12/2019 18:19

He says he happy and excited, perhaps he's acting that way, but it is an act.
Prepare for single motherhood again.

FruitcakeOfHate · 16/12/2019 18:23

Needing surgery on one of your tubes does not mean you will have problems conceiving. There are so many people on MN who 'the doctor told me I couldn't get pregnant' and they've been pregnant 2, 3+ times. Unless you have gone through menopause or are missing key organs and one or two extraordinarily rare disorders, the possibility of pregnancy is there if you don't use contraception.

VenusClapTrap · 16/12/2019 18:24

I think you jumped the gun a bit by ttc before your boyfriend committed to the relationship. Not that this helps you now.

He is unreasonable for going back on what had been agreed - if he had indeed agreed to move to where you are, rather than just a vague promise to move in together somewhere unspecified at some unspecified stage.

It’s up to you whether this is a deal breaker. But it’s hard to see how he can be a full time Dad and supportive partner when he lives so far away.

VenusClapTrap · 16/12/2019 18:27

Cross post.

now says we shouldn’t move in together Just because we are having a baby - he’s got cold feet. He wants out.

Lunde · 16/12/2019 18:35

It's really rubbish OP but it sounds like he has totally changed his mind and is backing out of his agreement with you to move to your town. Having made lots of promises now he wants to keep his options open

Do not move to him and become dependent on him financially - he does not seem reliable. Although he is "excited" it is clear he doesn't intend to do much of the hands on parenting.

YANBU to end the relationship - it would be hard to trust him now that he has flaked out of the joint arrangement

BlueThursday · 16/12/2019 18:38

I hope he wasn’t as naive as it seems but did you pitch it to him that you have fertility issues and the chances of conceiving were minimal?

Perhaps he feels he’s the one mislead? (Although at 29 I bloody hope he’d have more sense)

BreatheAndFocus · 16/12/2019 18:39

Don’t move. He doesn’t sound committed and he seems to be back-pedalling on what he said before.

Carry on as you are and do what’s best for you and your DC. I wouldn’t rely on him at all.

Original poster
maisiemoo26 · 16/12/2019 18:58

@breatheandfocus @lunde @BlueThursday he wants me to move up there and said I don’t need to work (his job pays well) but I do not want to have to “ask” for money, I like working and always have done.

No we both really wanted a baby and we’re going to talk to a specialist about ovulation drugs.

Literally looks like I’m just going to end it, arguing constantly about it as he feels his points about travelling to work are more valid
Over me having to move daughters school, not being able to work and having no childcare or family near by!

Thank you ladies xx

OP posts:
SapatSea · 16/12/2019 19:00

Stay where you are with your support network. You don't have to make a decision about your relationship if you are unsure. Do it when you are ready. Maybe he needs time to process thins. Altough, it looks like he is bucking against having the baby and being tied to your home town/you. He may come round, he may not so you need to keep your current stability in place ubtil/if he shows much more commitment