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Original poster

13weeks pregnant boyfriend won’t move in together

79 replies

maisiemoo26 · 16/12/2019 17:53

Hi bit of a background story,

We’ve been together 2 years, I have a 7 year old
From a previous relationship, we live 40 miles
Apart, he is refusing to move into a new place together because of having to get up earlier for work and travelling. I said for him to get a job down here and he won’t as he won’t get paid as much,

The reason I don’t want to move up to his way is because daughters settled in school, my mum is my childcare so that I can work and will be there to support me once baby is here, (he has no family support network)

Am I being unreasonable wanting to end the relationship as I’m not having a baby together and not living together if that makes sense?

Sorry for the long post but it’s constantly on my
Mind :(

OP posts:
Original poster
maisiemoo26 · 18/12/2019 17:46

@SweetPetrichor my issue is I have free child care from my mum, if I move up there we will have to pay for child care also, which would end up costing as much as I’d earn

OP posts:
user1480880826 · 18/12/2019 17:51

The obvious thing would be not to have a child with this man. He’s not committed.

Why were you even contemplating having a baby with someone you weren’t living with?

Also, 40 mile is really not very far. I know plenty of people who commute that far or further daily. Why would he need to quit his job if he moved to live with you?

Original poster
maisiemoo26 · 18/12/2019 17:54

@user1480880826 because he’d have to leave at 4am to get to picked up for work from that area. So he’s saying it’s too much.

OP posts:

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user1480880826 · 18/12/2019 18:16

What time does he start work that he would need to leave at 4am to do a 40 mile journey?

Original poster
maisiemoo26 · 18/12/2019 18:20

@user1480880826 it takes an hour 15 mins from here to there and it was mean to be 4.30am he’d have to wake up at 4.

Which I understand that’s a long day but still.

OP posts:
Original poster
maisiemoo26 · 18/12/2019 18:20

He get picks up 5.50

OP posts:
Obligatorync · 18/12/2019 18:25

I think it is ridiculous of him to speak up only now.
However, I can see both of your points about moving and I think you could both make compromises here. Don't move now on the condition you will learn to drive within a specific timeframe, then move a few miles closer maybe?
But I'd be questioning the relationship anyway due to his lack of honesty until this point. I'd make bloody sure this is what he wants before moving an inch.

user1480880826 · 18/12/2019 18:40

I still don’t understand. He gets picked up at 5:50 and would need to leave the house at 4:30? What time does he actually need to be at his place of work and why can’t he drive directly there rather than travel somewhere where he then gets picked up from? What’s his job that he couldn’t just do closer to where you live?

CalleighDoodle · 18/12/2019 18:43

I imagine he has a job where r location changes regularly and they are driven to the work point. Loads of jobs are like that. Not everyone works in nice little offices.

Original poster
maisiemoo26 · 18/12/2019 19:00

@calleighdoodle yes he’s a gas engineer and he gets pick up by his team in a van and then they are put on jobs for a week or two at a time an hour further or a bit more from his pick up point. And he drives a motor bike so weather plays a part,

Thanks everyone for your help. I guess we both have fair points x

OP posts:
EvaHarknessRose · 18/12/2019 19:07

Don't move. See if he shapes up to be a good dad. And decide if you want to stay in a relationship with him if living apart. Avoid ultimatums but stick to your guns.

FruitcakeOfHate · 18/12/2019 19:09

No, you do not 'both have fair points'. You chose to have a child with a man who is not committed to you and to move your daughter and yourself away from your support network to become financially dependent on this bloke would be stupid beyond belief.

FesteredFairy · 18/12/2019 19:13

Have a termination.
Dump the guy.
He is not interested.
You do not need the additional irritation or another mouth to feed.

Yes, I will be screamed at for my opinion, but seriously, is this ever going to work?

Bluerussian · 18/12/2019 19:17

Presumably your hydrosalpinx has been treated or will be treated. If that is the case you will be able to conceive again.
www.healthline.com/health/womens-health/hydrosalpinx#can-i-do-ivf-before-treatment

In your position I would not have the baby, it's not the right time. You may become pregnant again in the future when you are more settled with a reliable partner, however you have been blessed with a child already so concentrate on her

maisiemoo26 · 18/12/2019 19:19

This reply has been deleted

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AnotherEmma · 18/12/2019 19:21

Reported. Turns out you're nasty as well as irresponsible.

JKScot4 · 18/12/2019 19:25

75 mins to travel 40 miles?? On a motorbike? Sounds like an excuse.

BoxtheRight · 18/12/2019 19:32

I don't think suggesting termination like it's an easy solution is particularly helpful. It doesn't just magically make you unpregnant. It can be quite emotionally and mentally traumatic.

I realise that isn't the case for everyone, but some of the comments are so flippant it's like posters expect a termination would have no negative impact at all on the OP, when it might turn out to be harder for her afterwards than if she didn't have one.

Softleftpowerstance · 18/12/2019 20:06

I think those suggesting abortion realise that continuing with the pregnancy is not an easy situation either. Everyone alludes to post abortion grief as a reason to never have one, and forgets that pregnancy and parenthood will have an ongoing impact on the OP, not to mention her child.

user1480880826 · 18/12/2019 20:11

I agree with you @FesteredFairy. Nothing about this situation is good for a baby.

Bunnyfuller · 18/12/2019 20:18

The baby is definitely not the first consideration for the op.

That’s a big leap from irregular periods to clomid. There’s actual tests to check on fertility before a diagnosis and decision on what drugs are needed.

BoxtheRight · 18/12/2019 20:20

Everyone alludes to post abortion grief as a reason to never have one, and forgets that pregnancy and parenthood will have an ongoing impact on the OP, not to mention her child.

Not to never have one, but it's certainly not a definite easy solution. Abortion may well have an ongoing impact on the OP too. I am fully pro-choice, I hasten to add.

Rainbowhairdontcare · 18/12/2019 20:27

I'll what everybody else had said... But seriously why would you have a baby with someone who hasn't loved with you, especially when you already have a daughter?

In any case I would learn to drive and move somewhere in between. 20 miles seems like s very commutable distance

Junie70 · 18/12/2019 20:28

If he wanted to, he'd move heaven and earth to be with you.

He's choosing not to.

If you're happy being a single mother, tell him to get stuffed and contact you only if he grows up.

Bluerussian · 19/12/2019 09:38

Softleftpowerstance Wed 18-Dec-19 20:06:07
I think those suggesting abortion realise that continuing with the pregnancy is not an easy situation either. Everyone alludes to post abortion grief as a reason to never have one, and forgets that pregnancy and parenthood will have an ongoing impact on the OP, not to mention her child.
........
Yes plus people do get over abortions, some quicker than others but life does go on and the op already has a child which is a blessing. So many people can't even have one!

The op's situation sounds really tacky to be honest.

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