My toddler keeps calling the Christmas tree an arsehole.

[JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff]

My twins have delayed speech and often make up their own words for things. Obviously, we encourage them to talk as much as possible.

We recently put up the Christmas tree. 'Christmas!' I chirruped brightly at them. 'Can you say Christmas?'

'Scrimshaw,' said DT1. Well, okay, sorta.

'Arsehole,' said DT2, firmly, pointing at the tree.

Oh God. We are going to my mum's for the 25th. Every time DT2 sees a Christmas tree, she now exclaims 'Arsehole!' enthusiastically. She has never heard that word - it's just coincidence that she's making that sound - but it is unfortunately very, very clear.

Can I train her out of it in the next week??

*pissing FFS!!!!!

Hahaha children are a fucking gift.

My 5 year old son recently told me that girls don’t have a willy, they have a “cut”. I initially thought he said cunt, which was horrific. Then I realised he said cut, which is weird.

Was cleaning kitchen the other week, listening to my DD (who is 3) playing with her paw patrol toys. 'How lovely that she's playing so nicely' I thought....

just as she says, determinedly - 'Chase, you little shit!'

DH was reminded, somewhat sternly, to use nicer language when shouting at TV during footy matches in future

its always the swearing that come out as clear as a bell

This thread has really made me chuckle today

Brilliant!

We have almost the opposite situation; in the last two weeks DS2, who is called Alexander, has become much more enthusiastic and proficient at saying his name and we were thrilled until his clarity improved so much that we realised he thinks he is called Advent Calendar!

I'm sure I've commented before about the difficulty of pronouncing 'st'. DD1 loved finding sticks in the park, and used to run around shouting variations of: "I've got a big dick" "Mummy hold my dick" "Look at my dick" and so on.

Advent Calendar is brilliant

We have “raisins” for ravens (“look! A raisin!”), “eagles” for seagulls (we see a lot of seagulls around here, not so many eagles). “Farmer” Christmas (I think the reindeer have confused him).

And best of all, “belly button”, pronounced “welly button”, to refer to his urethral opening. Yep, the end of his penis is his willy button. Any attempt to redirect him to his tummy results in toddler hilarity that Mummy is so silly as to think his willy button is up there. He thought that was such a funny idea that he did try to demonstrate that his penis fits INTO his belly button (which it sort of did). More hilarity. Toilet training is clearly going to be a joy.

2yo dd siting in her car seat as her dad had to slam the brakes on when someone pulled out in-front of us. She leaned forward keenly and asked “ is he a Fucking idiot daddy?”

MIL was not impressed.

I have a small baby so looking forward to this in the future.

But I have to say I have just been crying with laughter at these!! And planning how I deal with it when she starts to talk

DD aged about 4, visiting my German in-laws:

Excitedly: ‘Mummy mummy let me put my new dress on so Oma will tell me I look shit!’

Oma was actually telling her she looked chic, which in Germany is pronounced ‘shick’

DD thought you told someone they looked shit if you liked what they were wearing

That's hilarious. I wonder what she's trying to say or if she really thinks it's an arsehole

4yo ds also has a speech delay and calls spaghetti 'die'
Which is why he was holding onto me, very distressed, crying 'die, please' at the top of his voice in a cafe because they didn't serve spaghetti.
That got us some very funny looks

Thank you for giving me a much needed giggle! Im heavily pregnant and very tearful today!

When my daughter (now 14) was a toddler, if you asked her what sound a clock made, she'd tell you "dick cock, dick cock"

Every time someone sneezed my toddler would say F U.

Eventually worked out he was trying to say bless you.

@AnneTwackie absolutely classic!

We've had a few of these with ds. On one page of Stickman there is a clock on the mantlepiece which was "Dickman Cock" for some time!
Whilst picking up various toys asking what they were I told him one was a dumper truck. "Dumb fuck?" he replied. Me (thinking quickly) " I think it might be a lorry". Ds at top of his voice "No mummy, FUCK."
We also had him pointing at a book shouting "sexshop" with increasing volume as we all looked at him. He meant hedgehog....

@Lancelottie pmsl

Im sorry, but this made me laugh!

And another one. Snack box was "sex box" for a while