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Original poster

My toddler keeps calling the Christmas tree an arsehole.

120 replies

JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff · 16/12/2019 10:14

My twins have delayed speech and often make up their own words for things. Obviously, we encourage them to talk as much as possible.

We recently put up the Christmas tree. 'Christmas!' I chirruped brightly at them. 'Can you say Christmas?'

'Scrimshaw,' said DT1. Well, okay, sorta.

'Arsehole,' said DT2, firmly, pointing at the tree.

Oh God. We are going to my mum's for the 25th. Every time DT2 sees a Christmas tree, she now exclaims 'Arsehole!' enthusiastically. She has never heard that word - it's just coincidence that she's making that sound - but it is unfortunately very, very clear.

Can I train her out of it in the next week??

OP posts:
NerrSnerr · 16/12/2019 11:21

My two year old will often tell me loudly to 'shit here mummy' when he wants me to sit down.

Ohjustboreoff · 16/12/2019 11:34

I used to look after a gorgeous American boy and we lived opposite a fire station. How many times a day do you think he shouted "Fire Fuck look at the Fire Fuck!"

AJPTaylor · 16/12/2019 11:37

My nephew as a toddler used to shout "you bastard". He was always pointing at something Ghostbusters related.
Dd1 however at less than 2 referred to keys several times as fucking keys. I curbed my language pronto!

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Christmas Events & celebrations Families
Frothybothie · 16/12/2019 11:37

At least his first word was not Mary.

Biffsboys · 16/12/2019 11:40

My ds used to call the fat controller ( from Thomas the Tank ) the Fukin troller ... it was amazing the amount of people that wanted to read the books with him 🤣

RunningAwaywiththeCircus · 16/12/2019 11:41

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EL8888 · 16/12/2019 11:41

I know this isn’t helpful but that has cracked me up. Plus Christmas trees are often arseholes! My cats certainly think so when they try to fight it 🙈

AveAtqueVale · 16/12/2019 11:45

DS1 mispronounced beach as 'bitch' when he was little. He got the hump one day because I refused to leave church and take him to the beach (instantly, on a day when it was pouring with rain, and bearing in mind we live at least an hour from the sea). He would not be distracted or reasoned with, and got crosser and crosser until I ended up wrestling him out of Mass while he repeatedly screamed 'BITCH' at me, much to the horror of the entire congregation... It was so mortifying I think I started a thread on here about it.

staydazzling · 16/12/2019 11:49

my eldests had speech delay, collection used to sound like erection 😳😳😂, now scarily articulate.

katmarie · 16/12/2019 11:50

Dh is teaching nearly two year old ds afrikaans as he's south african. Afrikaans for rabbit is hasie. Pronounced 'ah-sie'. I've had to explain to nursery and to my side of the family why ds's favourite bunny cuddly toy is called 'Arsey'.

katmarie · 16/12/2019 11:51

And despite dh speaking to him in Afrikaans all the time, arsey is the only word ds has reliably picked up. Mortifying.

bengalcat · 16/12/2019 11:51

Giggles . Reminds me of the time my toddler was at Grandmas and said " fuk " sounding remarkably like fuck . Thankfully she was eating and trying to say fork !

Newcatmum · 16/12/2019 11:58

When my delayed speech 2 year old asks demands for a drink she shouts SHITE! SHITE! SHITE!

milliefiori · 16/12/2019 11:58

Lovely thread but can't stop to reasd it all. Got to go and decorate my arsehole for Christmas.

Newcatmum · 16/12/2019 11:59

Speech delayed even!

Spudlet · 16/12/2019 12:03

DS has a speech delay too. At the moment, all children are ‘boyeeees’ and all adults are ‘mans’.

It was rather awkward when two mature but very firmly female ladies came into the coffee shop, leading DS to announce loudly ‘A man! And... another man! Hello mans!’ but fortunately I don’t think they heard him ShockGrin

AnneTwackie · 16/12/2019 12:03

‘Mama, you cunt, I hide’

PlinkPlink · 16/12/2019 12:06

DS is 2.5.

He says:

'Fuck! Fucks!' = Trucks

'Fuckit, fuckit' = Chocolate

He jumps up and down and shouts it when we give him chocolate. Leads to some interesting looks whilst out and about.

Natsku · 16/12/2019 12:21

Christmas trees are definitely arseholes, dropping pine needles everywhere, so your child isn't wrong. Not sure you'll be able to train them out of the word by Christmas though so good luck with that.

Charlottejbt · 16/12/2019 12:21

Arsehole sounds a bit like parcel - could you put some wrapped presents under the tree and pretend he's saying "parcel"?

PosieParkerIsAHero · 16/12/2019 12:23

This thread really made me smile.

Little pirates. Hehe

Youvegotafriendinme · 16/12/2019 12:44

Op that really made me laugh!

@ AnneTwackie spat my tea all over my phone at the one Xmas Grin

melissasummerfield · 16/12/2019 12:59

Oh god op , I have had a crap morning and this has made me laugh outloud, sorry Grin

Original poster
JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff · 16/12/2019 12:59

Got to go and decorate my arsehole for Christmas

Grin forget vajazzle, in 2019 it's all about the decorated anus.

OP posts:
PlasticPatty · 16/12/2019 13:01

Arsehole?
Was she looking for a 'parcel' underneath it?