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Original poster

How can I stop being angry?

97 replies

Gwenhwyfar · 14/12/2019 20:36

I've been angry for a couple of days for no reason. If I'm not having an argument with someone, either online or in real life, I'm imagining an argument in my head or suppressing one. The only explanation I can think of is tiredness, but I can't force myself to sleep for 12 hours.
Exercise and a sauna Friday night didn't help.
Any tips?

OP posts:
FATEdestiny · 14/12/2019 20:38

Would solitude help?

When life gets too "peopley", I start getting annoyed by everything and need some alone time.

HotSince82 · 14/12/2019 20:40

Not related to hormones is it? Or anxiety?
This time of year is stressful and the weather is depressing which doesn't help.

Other than those pearls of wisdom I don't know the answer? A nice bath, mindless TV or a good book? Some comforting food and lay off caffeine/alcohol if you drink those?

RNBrie · 14/12/2019 20:41

Anger is a secondary emotion, generally covering up a primary emotion, which is (in my experience) usually based in a fear.

Is something happening that you're worried about, are you protecting yourself from feeling guilty/anxious/vulnerable for any reason?

If I were you, I'd myself a cup of tea and sit down with a notebook and write down everything that's going on in my head. Hopefully you'll uncover what's going on!!

Original poster
Gwenhwyfar · 14/12/2019 20:58

Thanks everyone.
I don't have the strength to lay off alcohol and caffeine at the moment, a Saturday night in December. I will be doing dry January and cutting down caffeine at Christmas, so it will come, but not the right time now. I have a glass of something beside me now.

Not really hormones - I'm on day 17 so should be feeling good.

Solitude only helps in the sense that when I'm not with someone, at least I'm not arguing with someone, but I'm actually having the arguments in my head and remembering arguments on social media over the last couple of days, replaying them over and over.

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Original poster
Gwenhwyfar · 14/12/2019 21:00

"Anger is a secondary emotion, generally covering up a primary emotion, which is (in my experience) usually based in a fear."

Yes, I also see it as the other side of fear/anxiety. I'm anxious about Brexit, but this is not particularly new and I was half expecting the election result. I don't think it's that.
My anger is diverted at anything though, totally innocent things like shop workers just doing their job.

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JigsawsAreInPieces · 14/12/2019 21:02

I find the arguments happen more when I’m premenstrual. My mind drags up disputes from 30 years ago and fights them out in my head! People I haven't seen or heard of in nearly 3 decades are in my head arguing. Confused

fllinn · 14/12/2019 21:18

Strangely I am sometimes irrationally angry when I'm thirsty and haven't noticed. Few big glasses of water regularly for a day and I chill out. Something to try?
Also get on YouTube for a calm breathing video, one that you follow breathing with an expanding and shrinking circle or shape. Do that for 5 minutes as often as fits with your day?

Original poster
Gwenhwyfar · 14/12/2019 21:24

Not premenstrual. Not thirsty either. If there's a biological explanation, I think tiredness is the most likely, but going to bed now and tossing and turning for 3 hours probably not helpful.
I decided not to go out tonight though so I can go to bed as soon as I feel a bit sleepy.

Might try the breathing video.
I doubt a bath would work seeing as the sauna didn't (well, not for more than an hour or two anyway).

OP posts:
Original poster
Gwenhwyfar · 14/12/2019 21:34

" mindless TV or a good book? "

I don't think I could concentrate on a book, but does anyone have a recommendation for a TV programme that won't make me angry?

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Hazardexhausted · 14/12/2019 22:14

The good place? Virgin River? Both Netflix. Killing Eve might still be on iPlayer if you haven't seen it already.

TheCrowFromBelow · 14/12/2019 22:20

How old are you?
I second the Good Place if you have Netflix, or Jane the Virgin

IWorkAtTheCheesecakeFactory · 14/12/2019 22:25

Tomorrow get out on your own for a walk for as long as possible. If possible get to the beach/coast or mountains. (I know that’s not always possible) and just walk. Your brain will start working it’s way through the issue, have that discussion in your head. Whatever thoughts come to you- go with them. Toss it over. you’ll probably work out the source of your anger. And if you don’t, at least you’ll have had some fresh air and exercise and sleep better tomorrow night.

Original poster
Gwenhwyfar · 15/12/2019 00:37

I watched Miss You Already in the end. It has a sad theme, but I enjoyed it and no anger for a couple of hours.

I'm 42 years old and don't fancy the Good Place or Jane the Virgin one bit, I'm afraid. I've already seen Killing Eve and don't think violence would be great for me at the moment. I already feel like ripping people's heads off.

Also, walking alone in the countryside would be awful for me, probably make it much worse. I need to go Christmas shopping anyway as it's my last chance - I will be out of action next weekend.

As I said before, exercise didn't help on Friday at all.

Thanks for all your suggestions, but it must be different things that work for me. When I'm angry walking tends to make it worse.

I usually like going round the shops - I like having things to see, but I was biting the heads of shop workers today, either in reality or in my head.

OP posts:
Booberella9 · 15/12/2019 02:52

Do you need to do a big poo? Constipation can be rage inducing..

RowdyManGrand · 15/12/2019 02:55

This reply has been deleted

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Getoffmylilo · 15/12/2019 04:03

I second perimenopause as a possibility.

Orangeblossom78 · 15/12/2019 06:04

I am 43 and also feel like this. I just walk around hating everyone. Feel like a teenager

Harriedharriet · 15/12/2019 06:09

Perimenopause. Get thee to a clinic after reading Menopause Matters.

(I have a theory that estrogen is the drug of tolerance in us women. When Peri kicks in and starts messing with it....WATCH OUT world! )

Original poster
Gwenhwyfar · 15/12/2019 09:29

I thought that if periods were still regular, you weren't in perimenopause. Also, bouts of anger are not new to me. They didn't suddenly appear when I turned 42.
Feeling a bit better already this morning. Didn't have a long sleep, but an OK 7 hours. I have to make a decision about going to a social thing later. If it goes well, it will really help, but if I have an argument...

OP posts:
FredaFrogspawn · 15/12/2019 09:34

Just give yourself a big telling off - there is no excuse to give shop workers a hard time, especially at their most stressful time. It’s shoddy behaviour and you can do better.

Then be a bit kind to yourself. You sound tired, anxious and a bit overwhelmed. Can you get yourself to a dog shelter and do some voluntary dog walking? Or collect some stuff for a food bank, or buy a picky-up stick thing and collect some rubbish from a park or green space. It’s grounding.

Hope you feel better soon.

Original poster
Gwenhwyfar · 15/12/2019 09:37

"Constipation can be rage inducing.."

My digestion is a bit slow.

OP posts:
VioletCharlotte · 15/12/2019 09:43

Come off social media for a bit (including Mumsnet) Have a total detox and avoid the the news and all politics.

Do some exercise to work off some anger and get the endorphins flowing.

Practise gratitude - start and finding each day by writing down 5 things your grateful for.

Do something to help others - even if it's just donating a few tins to the food bank or making a donation to shelter.

Spend time with children or animals. Visit an elderly relative.

Avoid alcohol. Eat healthily and go to bed early.

You'll soon see a shift in your mood Smile

Bluntness100 · 15/12/2019 09:47

Are you bored? Something frustrating uou in real life? Something you've not addressed?

Original poster
Gwenhwyfar · 15/12/2019 10:14

"You sound tired, anxious and a bit overwhelmed. Can you get yourself to a dog shelter and do some voluntary dog walking? Or collect some stuff for a food bank, or buy a picky-up stick thing and collect some rubbish from a park or green space. It’s grounding."

Shows how we're all individual, but the thought of being around dogs or having my free time taken away from me to be doing chores for other people is the most rage-inducing thing for me!
As I said, I have to do my Christmas shopping as I've no other chance. Rain is terrible now so will go out around lunchtime.

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