Carrying a roast dinner 200 miles by train

[hambledon]

This is a similar situation to the thread about carrying a roast dinner to Lanzarote but not a TAAT.

DM moved to a care home a few months ago. It's 200 miles away. Before anybody asks why she's so far away I did try over a long period to get her to live closer to us but the council wouldn't fund residential care near us as it costs much more. She also insisted she does not want to live in London. She wants to stay in her rural county.

I can't drive 200 miles as I have problems with my back and DH has had a hip operation which he hasn't recovered from fully so he can't drive either. So, we decided to get train tickets. The journey is about 45 mins from home to central London then 3 hours train journey and about 15 mins walk to the care home. We are going to go on Christmas Eve to eat and exchange presents with him.

The problems we have are:

1. Her care home are going to let us use their function room for the 5 of us to eat but can't provide food
2. The journey is too long to safely carry pre cooked meat plus it would also be a very heavy load to carry together with drinks, crockery etc especially as DH isn't very steady on his feet
3. I tried very hard over a long period to find somebody who would deliver food to the care home but absolutely nothing available partly as it is a rural area
4. DM fractured her hip not long ago and has dementia and gets very anxious if she even has to leave her room which ruled out taxi ride to nearest pub.

So far my solution has been to pre order a Christmas meal from a pub near the station which we will carry to the care home. But, the pub are not set up for takeaways. We will have to decant 5, 3 course meals and carry it 15 mins uphill to the care home and put in paper plates (too heavy to carry all the crockery and cutlery on the train).

This whole thing seems a stressful palaver (added to which the trains are striking and the journey is going to be very unreliable) I am tempted to just the four of us sit in the pub and have the meal then take a lovely cake, nibbles and champagne to DM and exchange presents. I just know she will be very disappointed. What should we do?

Now that trains have plugs by the seats maybe you could take a slow cooker and cook up a nice casserole on the journey.

You know Mumsnet has got bad when you read a comment like this and don't immediately laugh because it literally could be serious

I think it's amazing the effort you've made and that you started planning this in October xx

I think whatever you end up doing you can go home with a clear conscience that you truly did all you could.

I'm very sure you've thought of this / tried this already-is there no one that could drive you??

Good luck with the journey and merry Christmas xx

Surely she realises that expecting you to drag all that stuff up on (a most likely) very busy train already crammed into a day is just ridiculous? She's being provided with a Christmas meal, perhaps remind her that a lot of elderly people live alone and don't get one meal let alone two. Tell her to be happy with what she's getting, or you could just invent a fantastic story a few days later describing your amazing day with her, she just forgot (that's not a terrible thing to do, worked with my Granny regarding weddings and stuff)

OP hot gravy can work wonders. You could take ready cooked veggies and loads of v thick gravy in a thermos. Add some boiling water to the gravy when there and that will heat your veggies up. You could even add boiling water to the veggies for a few moments to warm them.
If you can bear to use the micro for a moment Yorkshire's will be in and done in 30 seconds.
Now for the meat. If the local pub does half chickens then that's much better than sliced meat. Order a couple of those in tinfoil to en ready for when you arrive and taxi. Failing that if there's a supermarket nearby one of those ready cooked hot chickens you get on supermarkets and taxi.

Taxi

What you are trying to achieve is crazy.
Take buffet foods, smoked salmon etc so it's nice for your mum.
You will all have a proper Christmas dinner the next day anyway, why are you trying to make your life so difficult?
There doesn't seem to be any sensible solution (other than microwave - which you say is not possible - but can't you ask that it is moved to the function room so you can use it there? I doubt the kitchen staff will need it for lunchtime as they are mass catering?)

Deliveroo from the pub to the care home? If there is a carvery place near they often do a take out.

If you are doing the pub thing take a cool box/back - it will keep the food hot. Ask the pub not to 'plate up' and take empty tupperware with you. All the meat in one, veg in another 2 or three, gravy in a jam jar or plastic screw top drink holder.

Is there a WI anywhere near? You could offer a generous donation plus costs for someone to bring the food to you.

Just had a thought, most of it could be wrapped in foil so if you have a cool bag rather than a box you could just take a couple of rolls of foil and a jar for the gravy.

It's a lovely idea OP, but not very practical. I would do as others have suggested and just have a party with simple food and cake. She will be having Christmas dinner on the actual day, so it's not as though she is missing out. I hope it all goes well.

Deliveroo?

It's a very rural area. As I have said maybe 10 times. 😁

Thanks for all the other suggestions.

I have decided to abandon carrying hot food from the pub. I'd already paid a deposit but not a huge one.

We're going to bring nice, cold party buffet style food instead, plus decorations.

I second the cold buffet.

I had Christmas Dinner delivered to me when my baby was less than a week old and I'd had a very rough birth, and sitting on a dining chair to eat Christmas Dinner was a feat of endurance (I'd been laid up in HDU a few days earlier). My friends lived 5 mins away in the car and the boot was loaded up. Everything was fresh and hot.

I can't imagine replicating it without access to your own car though.

I do love the slow cooker plugged in on the train suggestion. What could possibly go wrong???

I was going to suggest a cold buffet but it looks as though you've already arrived at that solution. Let's face it, lots of folk do that on Christmas Eve anyway and your mum will be having Christmas dinner on Christmas Day. Cold buffet was the obvious answer all along really. Most importantly, enjoy your precious time with your Mum. I'm in a similar situation and totally understand your need to make things lovely for her.

I've got to say, the slow cooker on the train suggestion made me chortle. That has got to be a joke and if it isn't, "only on planet mumsnet" hilarious!

I hope my DM doesn't see this, I could see her having a go with the slow cooker on a train idea

OP:

Well since my slow cooker suggestion has been roundly mocked.....

Really, take a lovely picnic / buffet type meal, and use care home crockery etc. Take table decorations.

Travelling 4 hours each way, what is important is time with your Mum. Not scrabbling around with Tupperwares if food carried up the hill with bad backs and hip trouble, and then decanted into cold plates and trying to make cold veg palatable with hot gravy.

It also seems mad to go all that way and then spend an hour or more in the pub away from her.

The trains will be rammed, and stop earlyish, your journey home from the main line station will be hell, due to C Eve.

Be realistic and positive about what is possible.

In the other hand I bet you could do Nigella’s ham in coke between London and Penrith. Anywhere closer, Coq au Vin maybe?

Oops, sorry, missed your update OP.

Good decision, enjoy seeing your Mum.

If you take cold traditionally fancy food from her past that may make up for the lack of hot food. ( Salmon, cold turkey/ham, volauvants ) You could take hot soup or hot custard in a flask to go over mince pies?

Hot soup ver mince pies perhaps not recommended!

sorry I haven't got time to read the whole thread, could you go a day or so earlier and take her out to dinner instead?

It is precisely because she has dementia that she will be upset that we are not having a 'proper' Christmas meal together.

But will she be aware of this? Won't she just appreciate having a nice meal with you anyway?

Given the strike, it seems a bit impractical to do all this in one day anyway. Is it worth travelling up the day before and staying somewhere cheap overnight?

Look this is just ridiculous and way over thinking. You can't do it and that's that. Why can't she have the care homes Christmas lunch then you meet up with her afterwards to exchange presents etc.
You've got to be realistic.

It's Christmas eve
Leave ailing dh and your kids at home to relax and enjoy it and go alone

It's a very selfish plan imo

I can see you’ve gone for the party food idea. I’m wondering if something like a cold pie - Nigella’s pizza rustica, or something layered - with cheese, chutney, fresh fruit - would feel a bit “special” but not take up much space.

Good luck. You’re doing an awful lot for your mum on a very tricky day of the year.

Just seen you are going to do party food/buffet instead of attempting roast. Sounds sensible. I just wanted to suggest as don’t think anyone has, could you not take a flask of home made soup? It may be my family rather than every family but we have a lot of ‘old favoured’ recipes, that my granny learned from her mum, that she always loved. Just thinking that may be something easy to transport warm in a good flask and to make lunch more hearty.
I agree your mum hopefully will be fine with this being a family Christmas Eve meal rather than a Christmas dinner. I’d try to keep light and positive about that, and not get into discussions as to why it isn’t a traditional roast, if you can steer the conversation.