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Original poster

DH and School Run, wwyd

85 replies

StarsShineBrightly · 12/12/2019 21:08

DH does the school run. His work is closer to the school, mine is about half hour away so I leave before they do.

Found out that he's getting them to school consistently late and the teacher is getting annoyed and saying that it's interfering with getting set up for the day.

I knew they were late sometimes, but hadn't realised how late or that this was virtually every day.

Gates open at 8.30-8.50, they're there for 9ish. Bright spark at the school said they're not officially late until 9.15, so he doesn't see 9 as a problem or late and thinks that teacher is being ridiculous.

Relevant points.

Both kids probably have ADHD. One is medicated, the other is being assessed. They are easily distracted and unfocused in the morning so mornings are not easy in our house.

DH also has ADHD and struggles, clearly, to get them out the door.

I get them there for 8.30 when I do the school run, so it's not impossible but you do have to be aware of where they are and what they're doing.

I feel the only option I have is to take them myself and hope traffic isn't too bad so I'm not too late to work.

Do I keep fighting him on the importance of being at school on time or do I just give up and do it? My work are understanding if traffic is bad and I'm late, but it will be stressful and he will just remain in bed.

OP posts:
BetterEatCheese · 12/12/2019 21:15

The ADHD part makes it very tricky as he is most likely trying but is a poor judge of time. Just reading an excellent book called 'Is it you, me or ADHD' which may help you decode what to do

666onmyhead · 12/12/2019 21:21

Tell him the rules have changed and they must be at school at 08:45 from now on.

Elbeagle · 12/12/2019 21:23

Have you told him the teacher is annoyed and it’s having a negative effect on the class?

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managedmis · 12/12/2019 21:24

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EvilPea · 12/12/2019 21:25

Surely the kids feel more settled and ready to learn if they aren’t late

ifeellikeanidiot · 12/12/2019 21:26

Just take them. See it as a kindness to do for three people you love. I have lots of adhd symptoms, and dh is just amazing about them, even though they impact negatively on his life.

lottiegarbanzo · 12/12/2019 21:29

I'd check the facts with the teacher first.

If he gets them there consistently at 9am (or at any time) then he does have control over time. He needs to aim for 15 mins earlier than he currently does. So tell himself they need to be tehre for 8.30am.

ifeellikeanidiot · 12/12/2019 21:30

My dcs are older now, but dh always sorted kids out for school. It was just too stressful for everyone if I was involved. I could beat myself up about that, but there are a million others ways in which I'm a great mum, and beating myself up just batters my self esteem.

selmabear · 12/12/2019 21:30

I'd probably just take them myself tbh as that would probably make it easier for all 4 of you in this situation.

SparkleFizz · 12/12/2019 21:32

I’m not sure you can blame the ADHD if your DH thinks it’s fine to turn up at 9am.

Dragongirl10 · 12/12/2019 21:32

It is horribly unfair on the teacher and other pupils to frequently have kids walking in late......tell DH to get up 15 mins earlier!

SparkleFizz · 12/12/2019 21:32

Is there a breakfast club available for dropping them off earlier than 8:30am?

Sirzy · 12/12/2019 21:33

What time do you have to leave?

Can you get into a routine where everyone is ready before you leave so he just needs to get them out the house? Everyone getting up half an hour earlier if needed so they leave half an hour earlier?

Introducing visual aids and having things clearly laid out may help everyone

GloGirl · 12/12/2019 21:38

I suspect I and my child have ADHD.

I have had to set my morning routines up

Kids up by 7.15 latest. No food before uniform on. Me in shower at 7.45 latest. Shoes on at 8.30. Coats on leave house at 8.40. Yes they have breakfast spills and leave the house in mucky clothes but it is literally the only way we get ready on time.

We're always a few mins late Blush but staggering our morning works really well and is teaching us both timekeeping.

It's no shocker but having things ready the night before, including your husband having his own clothes picked will make the mornings much easier. At least they do when I can actually do it, the 3 times a year.

AdaColeman · 12/12/2019 21:42

Maybe timers for various tasks would help?

mindutopia · 12/12/2019 21:52

Are there things that can be done the night before so that they are more ready to go in the morning? I don't think a couple minutes late is a big deal frankly. Mine are 2 minutes late sometimes (not 10). I don't really care that much. But it does make it a whole lot easier if one of you (it doesn't have to be you!) sorts out bags and cloths and breakfast a bit the night before so there is less to do in the morning. Please don't fall for this rubbish about you just taking them yourself! Your kids will be fine being a few minutes late and your dh can learn to manage his time better. It's not your job to swoop in and fix it for everyone so he doesn't have to deal with it.

AlwaysCheddar · 12/12/2019 21:53

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HollowTalk · 12/12/2019 21:54

You can tell you are not a teacher, @mindutopia!

RJnomore1 · 12/12/2019 21:56

Sorry what time are they supposed to be there for?

I don’t understand your description of 8.30/8.50/9.00/9.15

Uptheduffy · 12/12/2019 21:58

If he always gets there for 9, he could always get them there for 8.45.
It might not be easy for him, but he's the grown up and it will not be easy for the children to arrive late and get settled when everyone else has already begun.

MiniMum97 · 12/12/2019 22:00

@managedmis and you know so much about ADHD because....!!!

People with ADHD typically have trouble being on time. So it's very relevant in this situation actually. You wouldn't say to someone who had a physical ailment that they just needed to not have that ailment right now because it annoys someone. The same goes here. It's not a choice. .

I think leaving a Dad with ADHD and two children with ADHD to get somewhere by a particular time is a recipe for disaster tbh. You either need to leave them to it and accept they will be late often or do it yourself and maybe allocate another task to him that will better suit his skill set. He isn't magically going to get better (although he could consider medication if he hasn't already?)

MiniMum97 · 12/12/2019 22:08

Some of the comments on this thread are disablist. I've reported them.

Muchtoomuchtodo · 12/12/2019 22:08

Lateness is rude and disrespectful, not to mention disruptive for the teacher and the rest of the class.

ADHD or no ADHD. If they’re consistently getting there for 9am, they should aim for 20 minutes earlier. That, quite simply, means starting everything 20 minutes earlier.

You cannot risk being consistently late for work. If you end up doing the morning school run then you need to negotiate a later start time with your employer.

EL8888 · 12/12/2019 22:23

@GloGirl l can relate to a lot of what you say and organise myself in a similar way! I’m dyspraxic and it appears my fiancé is as well. To get ourselves to work at 7am or on a train for 5.55am or in the car for 6am -depending on where we are going and what we are doing. We lie out all of clothes the night before, have alarms to prompt getting up / getting ready to leave / leaving, have food prepared etc.

OP then your husband needs to up his game. As others have said getting there on the last minute / late probably isn’t helpful for your children. Why should the whole getting to school burden fall to you, when it makes more sense for him to do it?

EL8888 · 12/12/2019 22:32

@MiniMum97 l disagree about the “leaving them to it”. I doubt that OP has zero involvement in the morning. Plus surely her husband needs to work on time management skills, rather than “oh well, the wife can do it”. I have dysgraphia and dyspraxia which basically meant l was told l had to try harder. My teachers and parents made little allowances for me and l had to find my way through to get stuff done