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Original poster

How can I prove this barman took prejudice against me?

93 replies

norkins · 10/12/2019 16:47

Out for a night out recently. Tried to order a drink at the bar and the barman refused to serve me. Initially on the false grounds that it would be irresponsible to serve me more alcohol (I'll come into the point that I was NOT intoxicated) then when I calmly challenged this he was very rude and agressive and claimed I didn't say please. He then refused to serve my friend because she was with me.
It was very odd and very upsetting. I had to stay at the venue and couldn't get a drink because I was with a group.
I was not staggering, slurring my words or in anyway inappropriate. I'd had three drinks to this point. Admittedly not sober enough to drive a car but in no way incapable.
I have many witnesses to this fact. One male who was in my group admitted he was drunk, spilt a drink on the bar (this was after I was refused) and they said nothing and continued to serve him.
I have complained. They said the barman is being disciplined for rudeness but that he was within his rights to refuse service under sensible drinking laws.
I'll just let it go now but the whole thing is fishy. The manager claimed one of my group encouraged the staff not to serve me. This is not true. So seems to me they are lying to cover up this inexplicable prejudice.
Did he just not like my face? Was it because I was a woman?

OP posts:
HoneysuckIejasmine · 10/12/2019 16:50

Well maybe. But we don't know you. Do you want us to play "guess how I was discriminated against" without knowing who you are?

Complain again, share your experiences locally, name and shame... There's not much else you can do really, unless you have video evidence which is obviously unlikely.

Sorry you had a crappy experience.

Original poster
norkins · 10/12/2019 16:51

Well yes I get you can't make that judgement
Just wanted to share I guess

OP posts:
Branleuse · 10/12/2019 16:55

Id be really annoyed by that, but you cant do anything about it because they are allowed to use their own judgement on this. I wouldnt go back there

Original poster
norkins · 10/12/2019 16:59

No definitely won't go back!

OP posts:
ButDoYouHaveASleighTho · 10/12/2019 17:10

What is your reasoning though? Obviously we weren't there so can't judge but are you sure you might not have come over as tipsier than you think? What would he gave gained by refusing you?

Original poster
norkins · 10/12/2019 17:12

No I'm sure I didn't come across anyway other than ordering a drink reasonably at a bar!
I think he just took an inexplicable dislike to me. Felt pretty horrible.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 10/12/2019 17:14

Very odd. Most bar men are falling over themselves to serve the women and often are too busy to even give a shit. So it's very odd he decided not to serve you. Were you rude to him?

Fraggling · 10/12/2019 17:16

Things like this happen sometimes.

Put it behind you and don't go back.

misspiggy19 · 10/12/2019 17:19

Is this worth taking up anymore of your time? Move on and forget about it

Original poster
norkins · 10/12/2019 17:20

No I wasn't rude
I get you just have to take my word for it!
Yes I should move on Grin

OP posts:
Batshittery · 10/12/2019 17:21

Why would he have an issue serving a woman? He works in a bar

Witchend · 10/12/2019 17:23

Admittedly not sober enough to drive a car
If you weren't sober enough to drive a car then I'd say he was perfectly reasonable to refuse to serve you.

People generally underestimate how drunk they are too.

Original poster
norkins · 10/12/2019 17:26

@Witchend you aren't sober enough to drive a car after one drink according to law.
But it's perfectly reasonable to have more than one drink in a bar.

OP posts:
Looneytune253 · 10/12/2019 17:26

If you think he was actually discriminating against you because you were a woman then it will be a clear cut case as no doubt he was refusing all the other women too and just serving the men?

crazycatgal · 10/12/2019 17:27

@Witchend How does that make sense when 1-2 drinks can put you over the limit.

xChristmasJumperx · 10/12/2019 17:28

Well I believe you. I have experienced this in two bars in Ireland in the last year or so. It's always the same type, short sleeve shirt wearing sycophants who obsequiously tend to the golf club rugby season ticket holder types, they feel inadequate but because they put on a tie, they can convince themselves it's a noble profession to refuse to serve a woman. In their world view, they see you coming in earning three times as much as they do (they have no idea obviously but that's their fear) and they don't like autonomous women with their own money. Women should only be earning a bit of pin money, as a hairdresser's assistance or a receptionist. Their husbands should buy them a drink, if their husband thinks that's appropriate

So, I 100% believe you OP

Queens in Dalkey, Arthur Maynes in Donnybrook

Winkywoop · 10/12/2019 17:28

This thread is bizarre! Are you hoping for compensation OP?

OrangeZog · 10/12/2019 17:29

Perhaps because you weren’t polite he assumed it was because you were drunk. 🤷🏻‍♀️ I don’t see how you can prove anything especially when you were intoxicated and he is legally within his rights to refuse to serve anyone, drunk or not.

peachesandclean · 10/12/2019 17:30

I'm a barmaid, I cannot tell you how much training I have had telling me how important it is to not serve a drunk person, and how illegal i is to serve someone who is intoxicated. He was well within his rights to refuse you and taking it further with management won't do anything because he did what he was supposed to do. Nobody cuts people off for fun, trust me

Also it's not really for you to decide how drunk other people are, not your place seeing as you were drinking at the time

We personally could face big fines, the pub too, one could lose their job and I'm pretty sure it would go on your permanent record (maybe criminal? I'm not sure).

Cruddles · 10/12/2019 17:31

15 years ago i got refused service and i hadn't even had a drink, AND I'M A MAN

IWorkAtTheCheesecakeFactory · 10/12/2019 17:31

If I were to guess I’d say you were more drunk, or appeared more drunk than you think you were and someone in your group probably did advise them not to serve you more. Bars are in business. It’s in their interests to keep serving you until closing time. They were still serving your group, they were still serving other women, so it will have been their belief you were already intoxicated that prevented them serving you any more drink.

Original poster
norkins · 10/12/2019 17:32

@OrangeZog where did I say I was intoxicated? That's my point, I wasn't!
Also I made it clear my male colleagues were very drunk and we're still getting served.
Hope that helps

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 10/12/2019 17:33

If you weren't sober enough to drive a car then I'd say he was perfectly reasonable to refuse to serve you

Eh? So you think all licensed premises should serve everyone one drink each max?

xChristmasJumperx · 10/12/2019 17:34

Can you complain on trip advisor OP? You may get some sort of response. I have been in this position and it's such a blatant discrimination, it's bizarre, and barmen like this DO EXIST. They're oldschool. Which is supposedly a defence. I was with a male friend on one of these occasions and he saw it and agreed with my interpretation but just expected to INSTANTLY shrug over it. I was trying to make sense of it.

Bluntness100 · 10/12/2019 17:35

I'm also not sure why you want to "prove he took prejudice"

Are you after a compensation claim? Confused