Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

How can I prove this barman took prejudice against me?

93 replies

norkins · 10/12/2019 16:47

Out for a night out recently. Tried to order a drink at the bar and the barman refused to serve me. Initially on the false grounds that it would be irresponsible to serve me more alcohol (I'll come into the point that I was NOT intoxicated) then when I calmly challenged this he was very rude and agressive and claimed I didn't say please. He then refused to serve my friend because she was with me.
It was very odd and very upsetting. I had to stay at the venue and couldn't get a drink because I was with a group.
I was not staggering, slurring my words or in anyway inappropriate. I'd had three drinks to this point. Admittedly not sober enough to drive a car but in no way incapable.
I have many witnesses to this fact. One male who was in my group admitted he was drunk, spilt a drink on the bar (this was after I was refused) and they said nothing and continued to serve him.
I have complained. They said the barman is being disciplined for rudeness but that he was within his rights to refuse service under sensible drinking laws.
I'll just let it go now but the whole thing is fishy. The manager claimed one of my group encouraged the staff not to serve me. This is not true. So seems to me they are lying to cover up this inexplicable prejudice.
Did he just not like my face? Was it because I was a woman?

OP posts:

BoneyBackJefferson · 10/12/2019 22:36

HamAndPineapple

Yes, but mainly those that have been on the other side of the bar/situation.

I have seen and experienced both sides of this, so know that both are equally as plausible.

BoneyBackJefferson · 10/12/2019 22:39

and the OP asked how she can prove her side, which she won't be able to do.

Happysummer2020 · 10/12/2019 22:42

If you weren't sober enough to drive a car then I'd say he was perfectly reasonable to refuse to serve you

What a ridiculous statement.

oabiti · 10/12/2019 22:45

Are you sure a member of your group didn't say anything to him, beforehand?

Or, you resembled his ex-wife.

Or, you were pissed up.

Or, he was bored and fancied causing some drama.

Thescrewinthetuna · 10/12/2019 22:50

I’ve had a similar situation, sometimes people just take a dislike to you for no reason. When we were in our early 20s my friend and I went into a bar one afternoon and as soon as we walked in the barmaid looked at me with such hatred. It was absolutely bizarre. She asked what we wanted really abruptly, we ordered a bottle of wine so she asked for ID. We showed her them and she laughed in my face without even glancing at my ID and said my licence looked fake and she wouldn’t accept it. She looked so pleased with herself, I was actually quite scared of her at this point, honestly the looks she gave me. I showed her my credit cards that matched my name on my driving licence etc and she refused again. Instead of getting upset (and inside I actually was quite upset!) I just said ‘OK I’ll take my money elsewhere’ and we left. She must have mistook me for someone else as i had never seen her before but her reaction to me was so extreme and my friend noticed it too.

Anyway my long winded way of saying I get it OP but you can’t prove why he acted like he did. I believe you when you say you weren’t drunk and he just disliked you. Sometimes you meet people like that and they use their ‘power.’ Pressing the matter won’t help you.

NaturalDisasters · 10/12/2019 22:50

He mistook you for someone barred from the pub last week, or you look like his ex-girlfriend, or someone had waved a note at him and he felt like exercising his small amount of power over someone. Who knows?

Divebar · 10/12/2019 22:58

Are you sure he’s not some guy you’ve previously shagged and then never called again ? MN is forever teaching us that karma is a bitch.

Shockers · 10/12/2019 23:24

I’ve seen something like this happen, in a pub in Kent. We arrived and asked for a table- were told yes, but it would be a 20 minute wait. Two minutes later a German man came in and asked and was told a flat ‘no’. He was pleading with the barman- even offering for his family to sit outside (it wasn’t all that warm), but he was told the kitchen had shut, and the barman accused him of making a scene. He took his wife and two young children and left.
Then an English family turned up and were told 30 minutes for a table.
I told them they could have ours; I’ve never witnessed such blatant discrimination before, and the barman smirked as the German family walked out. Twat.

Thestaffarealwayswrong · 11/12/2019 08:24

Wth, this thread is like some sort of parallel universe.. 'It's illegal to sell alcohol to an already drunk person'? Are you serious here? Theoretically it might be so, but it certainly doesn't happen in RL. Go to any, ANY pub/club/bar whatever in any town on Friday/Sat night and in each and every one of them you'll see plenty of already drunk people being sold more alcohol happily. I've myself visited and lived in many different cities and been to many different pubs/clubs in various states of drunkenness (from tipsy to shitfaced) and never once was refused a drink.

Yeah serious, says so in black and white under the licensing act. So it's not 'technically' illegal. It's illegal. And it's a typical attitude when the person doing the drinking and demanding faces none of the concequences. I agree it does happen, people who are drunk do get served, of course they do, but I've also worked in two places that had warnings and sanctions applied to the license because of anti social behaviour in the area, the licensing team were not happy that people were able to get more alcohol while already 'shit faced' as you so eloquently put it. Faced with losing the license or toughening up, what do you think he did? I'm facing the concequences, I make the call.

Although I do agree, all getting alcohol is a God given right, you are seriously at risk if some jumped up little jobsworth refuses you a sale of alcohol..... All part of the master plan for bar staff to use their power taking over the world one refused vodka and coke at a time.....🙄

Bluntness100 · 11/12/2019 09:37

Op you keep going on about the men being served, but I'm sure other women were being served as well. No?

happycamper11 · 11/12/2019 11:06

You can't know and it is absolutely his right to refuse service and give no reason at all. To give a reason and say I'm not serving you because you are a woman/black/have ginger hair then that's an offence but in this case being pulled up for rudeness is the best you can expect

happycamper11 · 11/12/2019 11:17

Ex landlady here and still a licence holder. I can assure you it absolutely does happen in real life. Pretty much every day I would refuse at least one person. Maybe some people are less careful with their livelihoods but I certainly adhere to it and know many others who do

MyNameIsMrsGrumpy · 11/12/2019 12:42

I’ve had similar - funny thing was I was stone cold sober as I was designated driver (and recently discovered I was pregnant) hadn’t touched a drop of alcohol. I was ordering drinks for the group of friends I was with. So 4 x alcoholic drinks and 2 x orange juice and lemonade - according to the bar man I was pissed and he refused to serve me 🤷‍♀️

Just put it down to the bar man being a dick...we went somewhere else in the end.

Barbarbar · 11/12/2019 13:05

Sounds like you're just a once a year drinker, just accept that you were deemed too drunk, maybe you whistled or clicked your fingers or waved some cash around in a way that made you seem irritating enough to warrant not being served - every bar has a right to refuse service and that night just wasn't your night

Sagradafamiliar · 11/12/2019 13:30

He might've been an arse, or had a mix-up but was then committed to his 'no'. It happens.
Once I went to a bar with an ex and the woman behind the bar wouldn't look at me, only my boyfriend. When I got my purse out, she demanded I showed her ID and stalked off, when she came back, she spat out that it was fake but my boyfriend could have a drink, just not me . Think she fancied him, but we obviously left and went to one of the other 1 million bars in our city centre.

Polly199 · 11/12/2019 15:12

Brilliant, you go in to a bar, demand a drink are now playing the “is it because I am a female card” no you were rude, I wouldn’t want to serve you either.

katy1213 · 11/12/2019 15:21

If he's already being disciplined for rudeness, what are you hoping to gain from this?

MulticolourTinselOnTheTree · 11/12/2019 16:13

Polly199 how do you know the OP was rude and demanded a drink?

But in general, while most people can be drunker than they think, there are indeed some idiots behind the bar who are sad enough to enjoy being petty in exercising the little bit of power they have. I used to work in a bar, I've seen a few wazzocks in my time.

Flip

1 2 3 4