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Original poster

How can I prove this barman took prejudice against me?

93 replies

norkins · 10/12/2019 16:47

Out for a night out recently. Tried to order a drink at the bar and the barman refused to serve me. Initially on the false grounds that it would be irresponsible to serve me more alcohol (I'll come into the point that I was NOT intoxicated) then when I calmly challenged this he was very rude and agressive and claimed I didn't say please. He then refused to serve my friend because she was with me.
It was very odd and very upsetting. I had to stay at the venue and couldn't get a drink because I was with a group.
I was not staggering, slurring my words or in anyway inappropriate. I'd had three drinks to this point. Admittedly not sober enough to drive a car but in no way incapable.
I have many witnesses to this fact. One male who was in my group admitted he was drunk, spilt a drink on the bar (this was after I was refused) and they said nothing and continued to serve him.
I have complained. They said the barman is being disciplined for rudeness but that he was within his rights to refuse service under sensible drinking laws.
I'll just let it go now but the whole thing is fishy. The manager claimed one of my group encouraged the staff not to serve me. This is not true. So seems to me they are lying to cover up this inexplicable prejudice.
Did he just not like my face? Was it because I was a woman?

OP posts:
Thefaceofboe · 10/12/2019 20:03

@Thestaffarealwayswrong fair enough but I’ve never known everywhere who abides by this unless the customer is intoxicated. So I highly doubt that was the problem with OP

AFairlyHardAvocadoHoHo · 10/12/2019 20:31

OP, I say this with love but you're getting yourself in a state over something not worth this much energy! He's not going to agree he discriminated so you won't get anything out of complaining.

It sounds unlikely he did this maliciously but even if he did, he wouldn't admit it and you couldn't prove he felt a certain way or that he didn't think you were drunk or rude.

You do sound quite intense and maybe for some reason you unknowingly seemed drunk or out of sorts. What would have been in it for him to purposefully not serve someone for no reason?

Take a breath and let it go I think Thanks

HamAndPineapple · 10/12/2019 20:35

@BoneyBackJefferson that's stupid though, there's no more evidence to suggest that the OP is an asshole than there is to suggest that the bar man is an asshole.

People are choosing to assume that the woman must have got it wrong.

You can't win in these situations. You highlight it, you're ''over invested'', you ''need to let it go'', you are ''entitled''.

Original poster
norkins · 10/12/2019 20:35

Suppose I am quite intense. I just hate injustice or unfairness. Even seemingly minor incidences. It all adds up to a worse world to be in.

OP posts:
AFairlyHardAvocadoHoHo · 10/12/2019 20:39

@norkins

Suppose I am quite intense. I just hate injustice or unfairness. Even seemingly minor incidences. It all adds up to a worse world to be in.

Maybe chalk it up to that OP, some people will take intensity as rudeness and feel the way you are talking to them as unjust.

Maybe he had customers be rude all night, had had it up to here with it, thought you were rude too and so was a bit more severe with you.

I'm not saying that's what happened but I agree - the world is rubbish enough at the moment, so don't assume the worst of people.

Everyone has off days - maybe it was his turn. You know you didn't mean to be rude or difficult but you can't be sure how you actually came across.

I say make your peace with it as it really was a super minor incident and not worth so much headspace with everything going on in the world!

Channel this passion for tackling injustice into more important things to make it positive Thanks

ShadowOnTheSun · 10/12/2019 20:42

Wth, this thread is like some sort of parallel universe.. 'It's illegal to sell alcohol to an already drunk person'? Are you serious here? Theoretically it might be so, but it certainly doesn't happen in RL. Go to any, ANY pub/club/bar whatever in any town on Friday/Sat night and in each and every one of them you'll see plenty of already drunk people being sold more alcohol happily. I've myself visited and lived in many different cities and been to many different pubs/clubs in various states of drunkenness (from tipsy to shitfaced) and never once was refused a drink.

The only exception to this I've seen is when a customer is drunk AND overly loud/rude/aggressive (not saying OP was, just in general). Not being served after 3 drinks as 'too drunk'? Don't be ridiculous.

BHouse19 · 10/12/2019 20:42

Have you got googly eyes that make you look tipsy?

Original poster
norkins · 10/12/2019 20:44

Googly eyes Grin
That did make me laugh
Maybe I just look like a nutter!

OP posts:
EmmaC78 · 10/12/2019 20:44

I would just forget about it and move on. Life is short and I can't see you have much to gain by giving this any more thought.

AFairlyHardAvocadoHoHo · 10/12/2019 20:45

Agree it would be rudeness etc that would stop them serving, not someone being sozzled. That's kind of their bread and butter after all! Like I said OP, forget about it and focus on more important things Smile

Original poster
norkins · 10/12/2019 21:03

I know you've got to take my word for it but I've honestly never encountered this before. I'm very polite and civil to bar, restaurant staff etc
I used to work in a job dealing with the public, sometimes drunk and agressive so I get being on that side of the coin too.

OP posts:
PlanDeRaccordement · 10/12/2019 21:07

Three drinks can make many people intoxicated. 3 large glasses wine, 3 shots in ten minutes.
It’s strange that a barman who had already served you three drinks would suddenly decide to discriminate against you and not serve you a fourth drink.
I don’t think you can prove anything.

PlanDeRaccordement · 10/12/2019 21:09

Unless you’re pregnant or appear as if you might be.

Fraggling · 10/12/2019 21:09

It happens op.
I believe you :)

AFairlyHardAvocadoHoHo · 10/12/2019 21:27

Yep it happens OP. You'll never know why it happened in this instance though, so there's no point giving it so much headspace now! It's done and in the grand scheme of things it's very minor and you're giving it a disproportionate amount of energy, onwards and upwards!

mrsbyers · 10/12/2019 21:29

Were you waving a note at him ? All bar staff hate that Wink

FoamingAtTheUterus · 10/12/2019 21:29

Meh, my brother in law was refused a drink because the barman insisted he was.drunk.......we were all very amused because he's such a square. He gets tipsy at the very most. Sometimes we just come across a.jobsworth 💁🏻‍♀️

CountYourRoosters · 10/12/2019 21:32

I've seen this in small bars where they ignore anyone who isn't a local or a regular. Any chance this might have been the case? Obviously totally inexcusable too, just grasping at straws here

Original poster
norkins · 10/12/2019 21:33

Definitely wasn't waving a note Grin

OP posts:
ThisBear · 10/12/2019 21:35

I can see this happening. A barista at the chain cafe near my office took a dislike to me, no idea why as I'm quite easygoing, always say hello before launching into my order. I can only think she either confused me with someone else at first and it stuck, she didn't like my non-local accent, or assumed something about me from my look. Who knows, but people do take things out on undeserving customers sometimes.

Ronnie27 · 10/12/2019 21:38

Sounds like he was having a bad day and set out to ruin someone else’s night and may have succeeded. Some people are just horrible for the sake of it. Hope it made him feel better about himself, don’t waste any more head space on it. Flowers

Sizeofalentil · 10/12/2019 21:40

I've had this before- was told by a barman that I was too drunk and he'd serve me but that was my last drink. Said in an extremely patronising manner.

I hadn't even ordered a drink yet Confused

BoneyBackJefferson · 10/12/2019 22:04

@HamAndPineapple

Yes that was my point.

I know that things like this happen, I have seen both sides.

HamAndPineapple · 10/12/2019 22:25

But it was the customer who posted here and she seems very reasonable and yet everybody has raced to side with barman!

That is ridiculous!

HamAndPineapple · 10/12/2019 22:26

@ThisBear yes. Absolutely it does happen.