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Original poster

Divorce for low earner/high earner - suggested settlement

121 replies

Free83 · 09/12/2019 21:58

STBX and I are awaiting our Decree Nisi and have agreed on pretty much everything regarding our split. Our daughters (aged 5&6) will stay with me and he will have them every other weekend and one night during the week on alternate weeks.

We have £400k equity in our house, so £300k will go to me and £100k to him. The remaining assets (pensions, shares, cash) have been divided so that we each end up with pretty much 50% of the total pot each:

Me:
£300k equity
£65k personal pension
£6k car
£5k shares
£9k cash
=£385k total

Him:
£100k equity
£275k personal pension
£10k shares
£9k car
£20k cash

We both work full time, but I work in my daughters’ school so do the full-time childcare. I earn £11k pa and he earns £102k, plus bonus of approx. £28k (av.)pa. He wants a clean break on the basis of the above split.

I haven’t spoken to my solicitor since our initial advice meeting, but STBX says his solicitor is firm in her belief that the proposal is fair and just.

For anyone who has been in a similar position, does this all look about right??

OP posts:

ruthieness · 10/12/2019 09:26

Going forward you will be providing the children with a home which is paid for by your share of the Capital
His share of the capital is providing him with a pension.
He can then get a massive mortgage and pay for that to reduce the amount he has available to pay monthly maintenance.
It looks fair but after 20 years he end up with a house and a pension and you will have to sell your house to have enough to live on.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 10/12/2019 09:29

If you are only working school hours thats not what would be classed as "full time" and its suppressing your earnings. Can you increase your work (and pay) and split the childcare/costs of wraparound?

I assume based on his earnings you will geta hefty whack of child maintenance so you should be ok income wise even on only £11k, but its the housing part you will struggle with - is it enough for you to buy a house or flat with outright? No one will lend you so much as tuppence ha'penny on £11k with two children. Remember there may be costs, stamp duty, legal fees?

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 10/12/2019 09:31

he can then get a massive mortgage and pay for that to reduce the amount he has available to pay monthly maintenance.

It doesn't work this way, the reverse in fact. Maintenance is calculated on earnings before paying mortgage etc, and a bank will factor in him having to pay & reduce the amount they will lend him.

Interested in this thread?

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Family law General money Relationship problems

Answerthequestion · 10/12/2019 09:32

It doesn’t look fair to me and on his income and the disparity in your incomes I would be looking for spousal maintenance too which is fairly standard in high earners

Answerthequestion · 10/12/2019 09:34

His solicitor will always say it’s fair and just, you need to take your own legal advice and then decide if you think it’s fair!

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 10/12/2019 09:36

OP, were your earnings higher before the children?

If you have sacrificed better paid employment to support him by providing most of the childcare, you have a better argument that he needs to maintain you in at a better income level.

If not, you will at some stage be expected to support yourself. The fact that he is a high earner doesn't entitle you to be kept for life although he must provide for his children and thats where its essential that you have adequate housing

Bigpooh13 · 10/12/2019 09:46

I'm being pushed into a settlement by my husband dont accept it. I'm pushing my solicitor for more.

lifeisgoodagain · 10/12/2019 09:49

You should get at least 60% of assets in these circumstances, or you should get spousal maintenance on top of child support until at least secondary (unless he's paying any childcare costs). I'm getting 70% as a comparison (adult kids too)

Thehagonthehillwithtinsel · 10/12/2019 09:49

You need a solicitor.
This s is not even 50:50.
You also can't count on the equity as you don't know how much your house will sell for and have to factor in selling costs.
How much does a house cost in your area?
The pension is tricky because that much divided,minus fees looks like a lot but doesn't give you much in the long term but it is a bargaining chip.
This is the opening bid from his solicitor.
Your over riding need is somewhere for you and your children to live that doesn't require a mortgage.

lifeisgoodagain · 10/12/2019 09:50

Ask for £1000 spousal on top - £3k a month is plenty for him to live on whereas you would be struggling otherwise

JosephineDeBeauharnais · 10/12/2019 09:54

That's not fair, and as others have said, you definitely need to have a proper assessment of the pensions. Don't fall for jam today of the house, while leaving yourself short-changed in retirement. BiL is trying this trick with SiL atm, he's doing everything he can to keep the lion's share of the pensions but isn't as bothered about the house - there's a reason for that.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 10/12/2019 09:55

I dont understand why she should get spousal? The children are in school, she is only 36, she has 30 years left to work so plenty of time to retrain and support herself. Unless she has given up something well paid to support him, its her choice to be in low paid work. He needs to foot the bill for his half of childcare so she can earn more & support herself.

charm8ed · 10/12/2019 09:58

Due to his potential to earn a lot more than you I think you could be due more. I’d start with at least half the pension and cash.

bluebluezoo · 10/12/2019 10:03

OT but 11k for a full time position? That's below minimum wage surely?

SpiderCharlotte · 10/12/2019 10:05

@bluebluezoo That's not at all an uncommon salary for a TA or some Admin roles in a school I'm afraid.

SpiderCharlotte · 10/12/2019 10:06

And it'll be a pro rata wage too.

Clangus00 · 10/12/2019 10:07

You need a solicitor.

TheReef · 10/12/2019 10:12

You need to go via a solicitor. Although your pension sounds ok, it's likely not to give you much per month come retirement. His will.

bluebluezoo · 10/12/2019 10:14

That's not at all an uncommon salary for a TA or some Admin roles in a school I'm afraid

For full time? I thought it was illegal to pay below min wage?

Or from your second post if it is pro-rata that means o/p is not actually full time and the 11k is the portion of the full time wage?

o/p, have you considered asking for childcare contributions so you can retrain or work full time? Long term that might work out better for you, especially as cm will stop when you are 50 or so and you will have to support yourself.

Also as he's a high earner I'd consider whether you might want your children to go to private school and/or university, and get provision written in for that.

HigherFurtherFasterBaby · 10/12/2019 10:21

Oh hell NO.

Get your own solicitor, pronto.

SpiderCharlotte · 10/12/2019 10:27

@bluebluezoo full-time hours in a school are not the same as full time hours in an office, for example.

I'm the OP can explain better, I haven't been a TA for a few years now.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 10/12/2019 12:29

Spidercharlotte

No, they are not any different. School hours work is not full time work. Full time works is 7h per day 5 days a week, eg 9-5 including a lunch break, with four weeks od annual leave. School hours are often only 9-3 with as much as 12 weeks a year off. It can equate to barely half of a full time job which is why the pay is so low.

Original poster

Free83 · 10/12/2019 12:51

I work 8.30-3.30 as a TA in my daughters’ school. It means there are no childcare costs involved as I’m with them at all times, inc holidays. I have been part time, but I’ve just asked to go full time so I can earn more. I used to work in Internal Communications 7yrs age, earning a decent salary. I gave it up to be a SAHM, but started volunteering in the school and then 4years age (when my daughters were 2 and 3) I started working part time.

STBX wants as much of the equity as possible. He had originally wanted max £250k/£150k split but I’ve talked him round to upping my share. We’ve done two sessions of Mediation but have actually just worked things out between us (the Mediator was useless). He says he doesn’t care about pension as he want ready, available capital now. But on agreeing to give me a bigger equity share, he said that negates any entitlement to Spousal Maintenance or pension share, so he wants a clean break to ensure they’re off the table.

It is an amicable split and we are still living together, so need to tread v carefully to not make our home life any more uncomfortable for the girls...

OP posts:

Original poster

Free83 · 10/12/2019 13:14

Also, whenever I bring up potentially needing more of the assets, he starts talking about how his solicitor has advised him that he could go for custody (we’ve agreed the girls will stay with me and he’ll have them every other weekend and one night in the week on alternate weeks). Obviously if he had them more often, he wouldn’t need to pay as much CM and he’d also be able to argue I don’t need as much of a share. It’s unbelievably depressing to know that he would be willing to use them as a way of controlling the finances, but I need to avoid him doing that at all costs as the girls’ would be best off having a single, stable home rather than shuttling back and forth between us several times a week.

OP posts:

desperatesux · 10/12/2019 13:22

He has zero intention of going for custody, how would he manage that on his "big job"
Its just a threat to get you to accept less than you are entitled to. He will also want to be out and about finding your replacement and having two young kids in tow would certainly cramp his style
I believe it is a threat often trotted out but unless he can show clear means of being about the manage custody any judge is going to see through it

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