Male gym employee walked into female changing rooms while I was naked

[ShakinScarecrow]

I've recently joined a private family owned gym & spa.
It closes at 8pm on Sunday. The female changing rooms are open plan with 3 showers and no cubicles.

This evening I went swimming and left the pool at 7.45pm when asked to by a female employee. I then had come out of the shower and was naked at 8.01pm when a male employee walked into the female changing rooms.

There was a female employee cleaning, and another gym user who was dressed and just leaving the changing room and as she left he told her off for being late and said he would cancel her membership. It was at this point he walked right into the changing room, saw me naked and walked out. He did not knock, or announce he was coming in, or check if anyone was in there. He did not apologise not did the female employee.

Another female employee then came in, so there were 2 of them in there.
A minute or so later he came back in and I said "please don't come in I'm naked". He then stood by the door, where he couldn't see me, and told me off (I can't remember exactly what he said) asked how long I was going to be and said he would cancel my membership then left.
I said to the female employees this was unacceptable and should I complain to the owner. I asked if my membership would be cancelled as it was 8.03pm at that point. They said that they would let the owner know and someone shouted at this employee in the male changing rooms recently so he was in a 'bad mood', also that I shouldn't worry and he wouldn't cancel my membership as he just said that because of his bad mood.

I quickly dressed and left by 8:05. The 3 female employees were still cleaning various areas of the building. I don't know if any other gym users were there. As i left he was at the front desk scrolling on his phone, he did not acknowledge me.
I sat in my car and cried.

I know they do close at 8pm and he came in at 8.01, so it was after closing time. However, the staff were not waiting to leave and were still cleaning. He could have asked a female colleague to speak to me.

I've come home now and have a range of emotions- anger, humiliation, indignation. I'm absolutely going to complain to the owner. I don't feel comfortable going there again while he's there.
What should I do?

It's funny, FWR has a reputation as being the scary place but you'd never see an OP mobbed by people eager to blame her for someone else being an arsehole on there. This is a bearpit! But, like, if most of the bears specifically didn't like women very much.

Still confused as to how all the people breezily dismissing a random bloke seeing a woman naked as if she shouldn't be bothered about that grew up in the same culture I did. I don't know any British women irl who'd be totally unfussed about that, nor any who'd consider it a just punishment for running late.

kierenthecommunity
Ah right.
At my gym its normal for everyone to muck in, get the place closed up so it's fairly normal for people to go back and forth from the front desk to changing rooms etc.

A word would have been better. I take your point.

I think I've seen too many friends held up by people with the OP's lax attitude to closing times and being irritated when challenged.

When I read the post I have the image of a worker hurrying up a gym user who is has been in the changing rooms over 20 minutes since they were asked to leave the pool with no signs of them showing any urgency.

The thing is that even if you're annoyed with a customer for taking their sweet time to leave that doesn't mean you can barge in on them when they're naked and you're the opposite sex, shout at them, and threaten to cancel their membership. At least not unless you aspire to be known as the Fawlty Towers of the gym world.

differentname
My point is, this thread shows people are clearly concerned about males in female changing rooms. Yet women are called intolerant for suggesting this. People don't seem to be aware that this is perfectly fine under many swimming pool policies, if the male-bodied person feels they are not male.
My first sentence to the OP was saying sorry that this happened and I also stated that the employee's behaviour was not acceptable. If the OP's situation makes this clear for just one woman reading this who thinks this is not acceptable then they are welcome to come over to the FWR boards where it's being discussed.

Sex-segregated spaces are on their way out. If this worries you in any way, start making a noise about it.

TheProdigalKittensReturn
I did say that he should probably have called through first just in case (though to be honest I don't think it's entirely unreasonable to expect the changing rooms in a closed gym to be empty).

The OP said that the comments about how long and membership were from outside the changing rooms after he'd already left and returned later.

If he'd stood having a go on first entry then I'd totally be calling him a dickhead.

Oh, so standing in the doorway shouting at someone and threatening to cancel their membership is OK then? Seems like a lot of people went to the Fawlty Towers school of customer relations.

it's fairly normal for people to go back and forth from the front desk to changing rooms etc.

Is it Farley normal for men to enter the female changing rooms without knocking, at your gym? If that’s the case they either need to update staff training or get new staff. He knew there was female workers in the room and if the OP was late getting dressed they were capable of explaining to her. He’s a misogynistic asshole that took the opportunity to throw his weight around.

If I got pissed at every client that was running late I’d close up my business. Part of running a business is knowing that people won’t always be on time either arriving or leaving.

I’ll ask again. Why has no one paid heed to the posters that actually work with the public and explained that they always allow that extra time for those running behind. Is it just more convenient and satisfying to berate an upset female or is it more important to defend a man?

*fairly

I think a lot of people are confusing council gyms and large chain gyms with small privately-owned ones. They don't tend to have lots of staff and walkie-talkies. They do tend to rely on their customers keeping to the closing times.
I completely understand why OP is upset but also don't think the employee did it deliberately. They're not mutually exclusive positions.
And as a child of a cleaner, I hated when people didn't leave on time so my DM couldn't start or finish when she was supposed to. It shows a real disdain for women in lower-paid positions.

There are many male corners too working in gyms too, so I don’t think there can be any accusations of distain for women, in this particular situation, unless you men his attitude towards the other staff.

*mean

I think OP is well within her rights to complain that the male employee entered unannounced, giving her no opportunity to make her presence known. Although she should not have been present, given that it was past closing time, it only takes 5 extra seconds it takes to be cautious and check first.

Unless he has form for such errors of judgement (which only the management would know), it seems excessive to demand / hope that he is sacked. An official reprimand for him and some sort of compensation (a free month of membership for example) seems like a more reasonable outcome for all concerned.

Is it Farley normal for men to enter the female changing rooms without knocking, at your gym?
Not when the gym is open.

But the gym was closed!

That's why I don't think it was wholly unreasonable for him to enter. The gym was closed. He probably should have knocked and called through just in case there was someone incapable of following the closing times.

I'm not sure it is misogynistic for gym staff to enter changing rooms after the gym is closed.

And as a child of a cleaner, I hated when people didn't leave on time so my DM couldn't start or finish when she was supposed to. It shows a real disdain for women in lower-paid positions
That's how I feel with people who don't show regard for staff and their hours. It's the same attitude as just nursing the last of your of coffee still at 5:35 after the cafe has closed.
Some people are more prone to ignoring closing times than others and I suspect z given the OP has said she's left late from gyms before, that she has this attitude.

Over 89% of cleaners are female T0tally .

Personally I don't think he was out of order. You were given enough time to get changed, you knew it closed at 8. It was past 8, he had a job to do which you were holding up. He was rude about it, and shouldn't have let his bad mood get in the way of his work but still, you were being unreasonable too.

And in terms of my gym, it says male and female workers staff/clean the changing rooms. Generally it's same sex but they knock and call through to check during open hours the day if they have to come in near the end of the day.

Either way, what my gym does during opening hours and what another gym does when the gym is closed is irrelevant.

I wouldn't expect cleaners to have to anticipate shoppers hanging around the toilets in a shop after the shop has closed and I wouldn't expect gym staff to be having to get people out of changing rooms after the gym had closed.

How do you know the staff member wasn't female? Did they say that they identified as male?
So any pervert can claim to identify as female and wander into the female changing rooms. I am male, (unlikely to be confused with a female because of my looks), but I don’t feel the need to wander around with a sign saying what I “ identify as”.

At 8.01 you should of been on your way out not still getting dressed. What were you doing for 15 minutes? But saying that he should of announced his presence before entering.

I don't think they are going to care about your complaint or the fact you aren't going to go back

So any pervert can claim to identify as female and wander into the female changing rooms.

Under self ID, which is what many organizations have adopted (including rather notably Marks and Spencer), literally anyone can claim to be any sex, or "gender", and challenging them on that in any way is seen to be bigoted and inappropriate. If it's another customer doing the challenging rather than a member of staff then it's that customer who is to be told to go elsewhere.

Yes, it sounds so completely insane that it's hard to believe, but that is in fact what the policies mostly say. People have been grilling M&S about this on Twitter for the past few weeks, go look if you don't believe me.

Are people having a go at OP for being a few minutes late?

And that makes it OK for her to be intimidated by male employees?

Have a word with yourselves.

This man just wanted to get home to his PlayStation/ girlfriend/ Netflix/ see his mates.
Whatever it was, he just wanted to lock up and leave work.

I highly doubt his response to the complaint will be that he is identifying as a woman. FFS.

Yes it's embarrassing for you, but you need to get over it. You knew you was in there past closing time

I am willing to bet this months salary that this chap hasn’t entered the female changing room because he self identifies as female 🙄 otherwise why would he have left, sharpish?

Are people having a go at OP for being a few minutes late?

Yes, yes they are.

Whatever it was, he just wanted to lock up and leave work.

In no way does that make it acceptable to shout at and threaten customers. Again, what kind of businesses are people frequenting that they think this is normal or acceptable behaviour?

Bit of a straw man Chardonnay. OP didn't say she was intimidated. She felt humiliated and embarrassed because she was naked. I have every sympathy with that. I'd feel the same. But it doesn't mean the employee deliberately set out to make her feel that way or that he acted any differently than he does every other night after closing.