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Original poster

Male gym employee walked into female changing rooms while I was naked

392 replies

ShakinScarecrow · 08/12/2019 21:51

I've recently joined a private family owned gym & spa.
It closes at 8pm on Sunday. The female changing rooms are open plan with 3 showers and no cubicles.

This evening I went swimming and left the pool at 7.45pm when asked to by a female employee. I then had come out of the shower and was naked at 8.01pm when a male employee walked into the female changing rooms.

There was a female employee cleaning, and another gym user who was dressed and just leaving the changing room and as she left he told her off for being late and said he would cancel her membership. It was at this point he walked right into the changing room, saw me naked and walked out. He did not knock, or announce he was coming in, or check if anyone was in there. He did not apologise not did the female employee.

Another female employee then came in, so there were 2 of them in there.
A minute or so later he came back in and I said "please don't come in I'm naked". He then stood by the door, where he couldn't see me, and told me off (I can't remember exactly what he said) asked how long I was going to be and said he would cancel my membership then left.
I said to the female employees this was unacceptable and should I complain to the owner. I asked if my membership would be cancelled as it was 8.03pm at that point. They said that they would let the owner know and someone shouted at this employee in the male changing rooms recently so he was in a 'bad mood', also that I shouldn't worry and he wouldn't cancel my membership as he just said that because of his bad mood.

I quickly dressed and left by 8:05. The 3 female employees were still cleaning various areas of the building. I don't know if any other gym users were there. As i left he was at the front desk scrolling on his phone, he did not acknowledge me.
I sat in my car and cried.

I know they do close at 8pm and he came in at 8.01, so it was after closing time. However, the staff were not waiting to leave and were still cleaning. He could have asked a female colleague to speak to me.

I've come home now and have a range of emotions- anger, humiliation, indignation. I'm absolutely going to complain to the owner. I don't feel comfortable going there again while he's there.
What should I do?

OP posts:
SimonJT · 09/12/2019 13:50

He should have opened the door a little bit and shouted before going in. I wouldn’t personally expect a naked person in the changing room after closing, still putting a shoe on etc yes. But it’s still best to knock/shout and check.

Lots of gyms shut pools etc 20ish minutes before closing to make sure everyone is changed and they have left at closing time.

Butterisbest · 09/12/2019 13:54

Just checking that this has been posted in Chat not AIBU.
Some of these responses are fucking awful
So op was late and that means it's ok for a man to enter a room when she's naked. Return, shout at her and threaten to withdraw her membership. Loads of women with internal misogyny here. It's ok for a man to do anything he wants because he's a man.
Op if I were you I'd complain in very strong terms.
Ignore the women hating posters here and hope you don't meet any in real life

PawPawNoodle · 09/12/2019 13:54

I'm sorry that you felt humiliated by his actions - I agree that he should have knocked or shouted out, however I am working on the assumption that he thought you would be dressed and ready to go. He certainly shouldn't have taken his frustration out on you.

I think the people calling him a predator or a pervert are wholly out of line. There isn't any indication that he was sexually motivated or intended to see her naked, and simply seeing someone naked isn't an offence. The language used in this thread is dangerous and minimises the actions of true sex offenders.

Regarding your conduct OP - I think you acted thoughtlessly and without empathy for staff working at 8pm on a Sunday. This whole situation could have been avoided if you had respected the opening times of the facility as you would have been leaving with the other guest. It isn't your fault that he treated you like this, however I hope in the future, wherever it is, you are punctual.

LolaSmiles · 09/12/2019 13:57

I’m bemused that so many posters here have so little experience of gyms/shops/any building open to the public that they honestly think the OP committed some terrible faux pas by still being in the changing room one minute after the official closing time
Oh I'm not surprised that some people take a flexible approach to closing times. I've seen and heard enough from friends in various sectors to know there's a fairly substantial number of people who have absolutely no regard for other people and like to operate on their time and take things at their chosen pace regardless of closing times.
What's depressing is that it seems to be increasingly expected that any business or someone at work should bend around the inconsiderate nature of some people.

Whereas for many of us, if somewhere closes at 6 we are out by 6, not meandering to the tills at 30 seconds to. If the cafe closes at 5:30 then I'm leaving at 5:30, not just finishing the last of my cuppa. Anything else is to decide my time is more valuable than the people who are working there and that's rudem

glsgow107 · 09/12/2019 14:10

Ummm who stands about completely naked but can check the exact time on their phone?!

EBearhug · 09/12/2019 14:14

Sort of thing I would do, to see how much time I had left. The time shows on my phone even if the screen is locked, so it takes about a second, and my phone is usually in my bag with my clothes.

EBearhug · 09/12/2019 14:15

I'LL also be checking it as soon as I'm back near my phone again after swimming this week, because I am on-call for work and like to know if I have missed a call.

MarshaBradyo · 09/12/2019 14:22

It’s a good idea to check as you get out if you’re close to closing time

I’d probably look at any time just to make sure no calls from schools etc rare as they are

MinervaSaidThat · 09/12/2019 14:24

@glsgow107

Ummm who stands about completely naked but can check the exact time on their phone?!

At my gym women will be naked and have their phone out lying on the bench. It’s not unusual at all as it’s unthinkable for a man to intrude like this man did.

BrainFart · 09/12/2019 14:29

Butterisbest

Ha ! Again, if you don't agree with the OP to the hilt, or find the man entirely in the wrong, it's internalised misogyny and you're a woman-hater. What a Brave New World of simplistic thought and labels we live in.

Most people who have allowed for the fact that perhaps the OP was also in the wrong and that the man has not been a monster have still supported the OP in lodging a complaint because his behaviour needs correcting (both for him and so that processes are put in place for other employees to avoid this happening again).

Gogreen · 09/12/2019 14:42

It’s just a body, why is everyone so hysteric, it’s not like he stood there watching, he came in, saw you was undressed and then left, it was obviously accidental and it was after closing hours.

I don’t think anyone, male or female should be losing their job before Xmas because your hung up about being seen naked....even though you obviously don’t mind walking around naked in a public changing room in the first place...why didint you have a towel around you too? As I’m curious.

ChardonnaysDistantCousin · 09/12/2019 15:45

’s just a body, why is everyone so hysteric, it’s not like he stood there watching, he came in, saw you was undressed and then left, it was obviously accidental and it was after closing hours.

It might be only a body but everybody has the right to decide who can see it.

Also, the word “hysterical” in this context is in very bad taste.

BarbaraStrozzi · 09/12/2019 15:48

It's the OP's body, not yours.

She gets to say who she's comfortable with seeing it, not you.

And as someone pointed out upthread, why are so many people on here frantically pretending we live in some "let it all hang out, let's all share saunas" Nordic utopia. We're British. Culturally, we have body hang ups. And that's okay. Anyone can draw the line about what they feel comfortable revealing anywhere they want, for any reasons they want.

(I was pretty fucking pissed off about a year ago when a woman came waltzing into the women's changing rooms with her children including two teenage boys, ffs.)

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 09/12/2019 19:00

Nobody has any right to tell OP what she should and should not be comfortable with. Most women are not happy to be seen naked by men with whom they do not have a close relationship.

springydaff · 09/12/2019 19:15

What a nutjob thread this is for the responses.

It was an assault. Report it to the police.

BrainFart · 09/12/2019 19:34

*What a nutjob thread this is for the responses.

It was an assault. Report it to the police*

Please see your first line. It is emphatically not an assault.

I would hope any police who received this report would openly piss themselves laughing at properly file at the very bottom of the inbox, the idea that they should "investigate" a male employee walking in, then immediately out of, a female changing room, after opening hours.

ForalltheSaints · 09/12/2019 19:40

I think the question of closing time is a matter for a separate thread.

I stand by my original comment that the OP should complain, as the man entered without warning. I think it also puts the female staff in a difficult situation as they may feel torn between loyalty to the OP (or other women) or the male colleague.

JenniferM1989 · 09/12/2019 19:50

Does it really matter when the pool closes? This man walked back into a changing room one minute after he just saw a naked woman in there! Who the fuck does that? Who manages to get their partly wet body clothed within a minute?

When they say closed, I would assume the pool then there's time given for the changing rooms to be used afterwards.

No wonder you cried OP, it was bloody mortifying for you. Fair enough if he walked in by accident and quickly said oh I'm so sorry and left you to get dressed then spoke to you on the way out and said to be a bit quicker next time but no, he stood and berated you while naked! He walked BACK IN knowing you were naked and unlikely to be dressed yet and told you off. It's not ok, whether you were late or not. It sounds like their system is confusing as you'd previously been there all the way until 8 then got changed but this time were asked to leave the pool at 7:45pm so I would assume you thought you had longer to get changed since the last time you were able to get changed after 8? It seems like this guy needed home promptly and acted very shitty about it

MonstranceClock · 09/12/2019 19:50

Don’t really see the big deal if it’s a man or a woman seeing you naked. Unless you assume everyone is some sort of predator. You were out of order being so late. He probably didn’t think anyone was still in there.

JolieOBrien · 09/12/2019 19:52

This sounds familiar ...

MarshaBradyo · 09/12/2019 19:52

He didn’t walk back in after a minute JenniferM? He stands at the door and says how long and the rest

T0tallyFuckedUpFamily · 09/12/2019 19:55

No one has the right to tell any woman where HER boundaries should lie! The amount of minimising and mockery of the OP’s wishes and rights to have no man seeing her naked is up to her, not those that don’t care. Her rights to dignity is not yours to give away.

RabbitBeaver · 09/12/2019 20:16

She’s mentioned she’s been late before, so he was probably pissed off with going home late. If it takes you longer than 16 mins to get ready you leave earlier. There was two women workers in there who she was happy to be naked in front of but the bloke comes in after closing, sees she’s naked and then turns around. He should of shouted but there shouldn’t have been anyone naked by then, maybe drying hair or putting shoes on or packing bag etc but not naked.

JenniferM1989 · 09/12/2019 21:21

He did go back in but stood where he couldn't see the OP! He still stood there and gave her bollocking while she was naked! He could have easily waited until she was dressed

cyclingmad · 09/12/2019 22:17

Quite frankly I am not excusing the guys behaviour he should of announced he was coming in. Doesn't mean he is some predator either as OP stated he quickly walked out when he realised.

However OP is fucking unreasonable for being late to leave. She was getting out of he shower a 8.01 in her own words. She wasn't one minute late! She was more then that! Its one thing to be putting on your shoes and grabbing your stuff 1 minute late but walking out of a shower still means getting dry, putting clothes on, packing bag and then leaving.

Its not her first time either.

My gym makes it clear if you book classes and can't come and dont cancel your session after 3 times you are blocked from booking classes for a period of time. Too right! Don't take the fucking piss constantly and expect to get away with it. Take some personal responsibility.