Just majorly fucked up things for my 6 year old - what’s wrong with me?

[Drinkandknowthings]

I missed a text from the school about Christ jumper day and DD was the only child not wearing a Christmas jumper. She’s 6 and was really upset.

Today I sent her to a birthday party at 12 with DH to find it had been on at 10 to 12.

I’m so upset for her and disgusted at myself for making such stupid mistakes.

Oh and your husband is an arse.

You are all making me feel a lot better. DH is acting like this is a disaster and making me feel rubbish.

Umm - really? 🤨
Then he can fark right off! Am sure he’s made mistakes at his job before, especially if he hasn’t slept for a week.

The woman who never made a mistake never made anything.
No one died.

I am sleep deprived. DD2 started throwing up Tuesday night so I spent Tuesday, Wednesday & Thursday night in her single bed so I could look after her when she threw up. Friday night she didn’t throw up but woke at 11 and roared/cried for a solid hour because ‘she lost her voice’ Think it was a bad nightmare but I ended up in with her again.

Not a major fuck up at all, a very minor one that most of us make sometimes!

I put these things in my phone and set an alarm reminder to go off the day before. It's easy to forget things when there's a lot on

There I was thinking that this would be something major about family, friends, health or education. Be kinder to yourself, she will not remember today in 10 years.

DH is acting like this is a disaster and making me feel rubbish.

Go into his office and when he makes a mistake tell him it’s a total disaster and he should be trying harder.

We've all been that parent, made mistakes because we're tired and stressed, lost an invitation before it even made it to the diary , forgotten about non school uniform day.

When DD started school there were several non uniform days in quick succession. I forgot one of them, and so did another mum, and the teacher took us both to one side and tore us off a strip for forgetting. She made us feel so bad that we slunk out like little kids. As if we hadn't already been feeling bad

DH has chilled out. TBF we both get agitated when things like this happen so I’d be the same if the situation was reversed

Well if your husband thinks that these are disasters then maybe he should be aware of what is going on for your daughters so that if necessary in future he can avert a crisis!

Have you taken the kids to school when it's still holiday time, Op?

We were biking along & I was thinking-strange, normally seen someone by now!

It did click & we didn't go all the way there but as school starts at 8!

We could still have been in bed by the time we'd picked up some shopping & gone home!

That thing about ‘good enough‘ is absolutely utterly perfect.

I had a perfect mother, who had a massive stress attack and beat herself up over minor shit like this. It was fucking awful. So much stress and tbh I’ve REALLY had to work on my own resilience. I’m so bad at dealing with minor mistakes as I didn’t have a good model.

Im working on being good enough for my own kids.without aiming for perfection Because I DO forget stuff. I’m teaching them it’s their job to remind me about small scale still like jumper days if it’s important to them. My job is remembering big stuff like dotors, dentists and exams.

In terms of not dropping the ball, I use reminders on my phone, both date and location based ones. Eg when I get in the car it pings a reminder to check i have the bake sale shit .. etc

Ask the School Office to add your DH's number to the records. Most bulk texting packages, such as SchoolComms or Teachers2Parents, automatically send messages to all contact mobiles if they're imported from SIMS. So they don't need to think about it after the initial adding and importation, which they'd have to do if a mobile number changes, anyway.

You can do exactly the same with second emails (or third ones), so there is no excuse for your DH not having access to every update and message.

Start using google calendar on your phone and set alarms for events. You can screenshot the text and add it to the even for quick reference.

No big deal really ,we all think we wont do anything like this ,but we all do ! dont worry .I expect shes having a great time playing with her friend! Xmas Day jumper ,again it happens all the time ! I always read through letters twice and check in the evening when DC asleep and a little less busy!

I took ds1 (24) to a hosp Appointment a day late and he almost missed minor surgery as I put the wrong day in the calendar. Thank goodness they phoned and added him to the end of the list. Why am I organising my 24 year olds appointments? He has ADHD and is too disorganised to sort it himself!!!

It’s fine. You need a good afternoon nap.

Honestly, when I was sleep deprived I couldn’t even remember the name of my friends, forget about dates and times. Just get the calendar in your phone, it will make things much easier

I have a family calendar app on my phone and as soon as I get the letter/text email from school and the like, I add it to the calendar. My DH also has the same app so he can see and add things too. I forgot the xmas jumper one year too so you are not alone!

Just because you're a SAHM doesn't mean you have to take on the entire mental load of what the children are up to.

Also, not having the right jumper on the right day isn't a massive fuck up. I thought you were going to say you'd broken her leg or missed an important hospital appointment that couldn't be rescheduled for a year or not sent a school application in.

Way way wayyyyy too hard on yourself.

"I had a perfect mother, who had a massive stress attack and beat herself up over minor shit like this. It was fucking awful."

Same, it's awful, isn't it?

Mine would spend hours making things or whatever and if they weren't up to her standards, she would lose it. Then I would blame myself for her unhappiness. That's how kids see the world.

Still not over it at nearly 40.

Sleep deprivation can really mess with your brain OP. There’s a reason that in some countries it’s used as a method to torture people!

Don’t be too hard on yourself and as PP mentioned, use your phone reminder to keep up with these matters from now on.

I don't understand why you would find this disgusting, everyone forgets stuff, I'm sure the majority of us would be able to tell similar stories.

And if you dh thinks forgetting to wear a jumper for a completely made up day is a disaster might I suggest he gets out a bit more, he doesn't seriously think that does he?

Im awful at this kind if stuff.

My mum waa awful too abd I swore I'd be different but with 4 kids abd a busy job as a GP things frequent slip through.

We have a blackboard, Google calendar and a very mature 9yo yet here we are ...

I'm hoping it builds resilience or something!

None of this is DHs fault. He doesn’t get the texts from the school or the invitations

That should change! And get a shared google calendar on your phone, it is pretty much the only way I know what is going on.

Sorry about above, typos and missed apostrophes everywhere. I'll proof read in future!