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Original poster

Just majorly fucked up things for my 6 year old - what’s wrong with me?

105 replies

Drinkandknowthings · 08/12/2019 12:11

I missed a text from the school about Christ jumper day and DD was the only child not wearing a Christmas jumper. She’s 6 and was really upset.

Today I sent her to a birthday party at 12 with DH to find it had been on at 10 to 12.

I’m so upset for her and disgusted at myself for making such stupid mistakes.

OP posts:
SecondaryBurnzzz · 08/12/2019 12:45

I think at times like this it's good to make light of it to DD, she needs to really know that you are fine, and in control and that things like this just happen. If you make too much out of it, you might freak her out and make her think that you are unravelling in a scary way.

Loyaultemelie · 08/12/2019 12:45

It was through a fuck up like this I gained a best friend(largely because we are so similar Blush). Chicken pox outbreak so Dd1 party postponed for a fortnight, old party 12-2 new party 11-1 (venue availability). Friend appears flustered and very pregnant at 12.30 thinking she's 30 mins late not almost over. Her dd1 got fed with the rest and we paid for her and ours to stay on in soft play. Now Mum, Dad, dds1 and dds2 are all best friends and going away together next summer. We have developed the strategy of one of us remembers an event, non uniform day or party we inform the other so most mistakes are averted

Boppingbooper · 08/12/2019 12:47

Meant to say the app is linked for us all so if I add something, for example if the school text me something, it adds it to dh and dds app too. So it shares the mental load out a bit and it means dh also knows what's going.

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6 year olds Families
StoppinBy · 08/12/2019 12:47

This must really suck for both you and your child at the moment, I am sorry that this happened.

In a few years time this will all be ancient history.

She wont have been the only one not wearing a xmas jumper, there will have been other parents who either forgot or chose not to participate.

Invite the birthday girl/boy on a special playdate - go to the movies, go bowling or something else fun and I am sure all will quickly be forgotten.

underneaththeash · 08/12/2019 12:51

Everyone makes mistakes sometimes, I'm usually really organised and a sent the wrong child in mufti a couple of months ago. It wasn't the end of the world.

Tableclothing · 08/12/2019 12:58

Google Donald Winnicott and the Good Enough Mother.

Winnicott argues that children benefit from having mothers who are good-enough, not perfect. The child of the perfect mother never feels disappointment or embarrassment or overlooked, and is consequently ill-prepared for adulthood. The child of the good-enough mother knows they are loved and cared for, fed/clothed/kept safe, etc, but has to face some disappointmentsv and difficulties. From such minor disappointments the child learns a sense of proportion, self-control, resilience, forgiveness, a degree of self-reliance. (The good-Enough Mother gets it right about 50% of the time, btw)

Your DD has had a couple of disappointments. She has not been physically hurt, or traumatised. She'll overcome these difficulties and be a little bit stronger on the other side.

MayorPrentiss · 08/12/2019 12:58

I took DS to a party 2 weeks early last month! We all fuck up sometimes.

Bear in mind this is an important part of life for her too - learning to shrug off small mistakes is a key part of growing up and she will take her lead from you. Cut both of you a break and enjoy your biscuits!

Sparklybaublefest · 08/12/2019 12:58

We have all done things like this op , dont beat yourself up

MayorPrentiss · 08/12/2019 12:59

Ha yes what tableclothing said more eloquently!

BreasticlesNotTesticles · 08/12/2019 13:01

I took one of the dc to a soft play party. Didn't know the birthday child as not often at pick ups.

Dc runs off and lady comes up to ask who I am.

Have taken dc to wrong soft play and gate crashed another kids party BlushGrin

Now that's bring shit!

Divebar · 08/12/2019 13:01

Woah. Easy there OP. Why is it your job to remember everything? Why didn’t your DH know what time the party was and that it was Christmas Jumper day. ? Wife work alert. I have this a lot... I work long hours and often don’t get home til after 8.00pm and sometimes not til 10pm but my DH will still ask me school based questions. (Read the f-Ing newsletter yourself). I also expect my DD7 to give me a heads up and remind me.... she’s REALLY bad at remembering but she’s coming up to 8 years so I expect her to start taking some initiative. It needs to be a collaboration and not a one woman show

KurriKurri · 08/12/2019 13:06

I once took DS to a party a w hole day late - got the time right but the day wrong. It happens especially if you have another child who is poorly - throws your whole week out I find because you aren;t doing your usualy routine.
Sounds like your DD will have fun at birthday girls house - I'm sure there will be cake left and a spare party bag - probably more fun that the original party.
Christmas jumpers - she'll forget about it, let her wear her Christmas jumper whne you next go out, or for last day of term if children are allowed to wear non uniform.
She'll be fine - don't beat yourself up.
If it's any comfort my DS was about 6 when I missed the party - he's grown up now and has no memory at all of the missed party incident !

Apackoflips · 08/12/2019 13:07

Be kind to yourself OP. I miss texts all of the time and would miss things at dds school if I didnt also have a family calendar on the fridge that I fill in from the newsletter sent out by school. If there is something not on the newsletter then I reckon its schools fault as mobile phones are unreliable sources of information due to battery and connection/data problems.
And really I have never heard of a birthday party starting at 10 on a sunday morning . Im assuming it was an organised activity rather than the traditional cake and games type which is usually timed around a meal?
But anyway given your stressful week I think you are allowed to get one or two things slightly wrong. Its a learning curve OP. You will only have messed up if you get it wrong again next time DD needs to be somewhere or do something specific.

UnaCorda · 08/12/2019 13:07

Firstly, don't be too hard on yourself. You've not been negligent, just a bit scatty and you've had an ill child to deal with.
Secondly, try to put a system in place so that this kind of thing doesn't happen again. As your older daughter is 6 she can probably help with reminders - she's too young for it to be her sole responsibility, but it won't do her any harm to be aware of her own diary and she might enjoy feeling a bit grown-up.
Thirdly, use this experience to teach your daughter that adults make mistakes sometimes. It doesn't mean they don't love the person affected, but they deal with the mistake by apologising and trying not to do it again.
Fourthly, I was going to say do something nice with your daughter to make up for things, but it sounds like you already have that planned.

Original poster
Drinkandknowthings · 08/12/2019 13:10

divebar he doesn’t get the texts. I’m a SAHM so we do see this as my responsibility.

You are all making me feel a lot better. DH is acting like this is a disaster and making me feel rubbish.

OP posts:
Witchend · 08/12/2019 13:11

We've all done that.
I remember thinking a party was a week earlier than it was. Not only that, but I said goodbye to a group saying "see you at the party later"
They all believed me and we had 6 very sad 6yos standing outside the venue clutching hastily wrapped presents. Grin

A friend sent her dc into school on inset day once. She was running late, stopped at gate and child ran in and she drove off. She arrived at work half an hour later to find a message on her desk. So not only did the school, know, all her work knew too, and her dd made sure everyone else know. Grin

I can give you countless examples of that sort of thing... even the most organised mum sometimes does that sort of thing.
It'll actually be good for your dd because she will see that sometimes grownups make mistakes and then they try to solve it, and say sorry.

HarrietTheFly · 08/12/2019 13:12

Don't worry op it really isn't the end of the world. Busy time of year, lots of sickness going around etc. You've not messed things up, you've just made a couple of mistakes x

UnaCorda · 08/12/2019 13:12

P.S. Christmas jumpers are really bad for the environment. Maybe you could talk to you DD about this and sponsor a polar bear together or something! I think with WWF they send you a lovely soft toy (probably also not great for the environment...) which would more than make up for not having a Xmas jumper imo.

StoneColdSaidSo · 08/12/2019 13:13

A few years ago I messed with dd’s party. I made up some online invites for her bday party and before sending them, we changed the time so I had to go back and amend the invites. Somehow, I ended up sending half the people the amended invites and half the old invites, with the original time. It was a whole class party and there were 40 kids invited! I was so annoyed because loads of kids didn’t show up at the start, only for them to turn up 90 mins later, while the original lot were eating!!! I was mortified. We laugh about it now but at the time I was so upset!

UnaCorda · 08/12/2019 13:13

DH is acting like this is a disaster and making me feel rubbish.

That's helpful. Hmm Did he in any way help to avert the so-called disaster?

Original poster
Drinkandknowthings · 08/12/2019 13:13

At DDs school about 80% of important information is sent by text. Which is really annoying.

OP posts:
Therunecaster · 08/12/2019 13:14

Ahhh I did that. 3 kids in the same school only ones without a Christmas jumper and to make matters worse the only ones without a party plate. Teenagers now and we laugh about it. Be kind to yourself and brush it off. Grin

Serin · 08/12/2019 13:15

Shit happens.
But there's a lesson to be learned from everything.
You have learned that Birthday girl's mum is lovely, I'd be cultivating her friendship.
Your DD has learned that mistakes arent the end of the world.
You have been given some great organisational tips too! Photographing each letter is genius.

Original poster
Drinkandknowthings · 08/12/2019 13:15

Luckily enough the same day as Christmas jumper day there was a movie night at the school so she wore her jumper then.

OP posts:
returnofthecat · 08/12/2019 13:16

Given you've made more than one mistake recently, you've used quite harsh language and your other DD has been ill - my guess is you're sleep deprived.

We all make mistakes and start to judge things a bit strangely when we've repeatedly missed out on sleep. As a short term fix, could someone look after both children for a few hours so you can just have a nice, long nap without risk of being woken up?

As a more long term fix, do you have any other parent friends who are SAHPs? You could possibly take it in turn to have play dates so you all get a chance to a few uninterrupted hours during the week to have a snooze. Making time for yourself is important - it's what makes you then capable of looking after everyone else.

Don't run yourself into the ground just because you're a SAHP. It makes sense that you have certain responsibilities, but it doesn't make sense that you don't treat your own welfare as one of those responsibilities.