Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Adult women, bitches and cliques

76 replies

Stressmess · 30/11/2019 13:39

I take my children to a weekly activity. Small groups of the same children every week. There is one woman who is a complete Queen Bee, has pretty much everyone else in the group hanging off her and completely excludes me. I was friendly with one other woman who I chatted with every week and felt I had a good connection with who has now joined this other group, she now ignores me too which I feel sad about. So imagine Queen Bee with about 3 hanging off her in a group and me sitting on my own every week. No attempts to be friendly or inclusive.
There have definitely been looks from Queen Bee but today she made a dig at me and as if she hadn't said it loudly enough repeated it just in case I hadn't heard. I had heard but chose to keep a dignified silence and pretend I hadn't heard. I raged at my DH when I got home. You don't know me or anything about me so I don't see what your problem is.
Why do some adult women feel the need to make others feel like shit? I was bullied as a teenager and thought as an adult you wouldn't have to put up with things like this but was obviously wrong. Anything else or just me?

OP posts:
NoGuarantee · 30/11/2019 13:40

What did she say? You don't sound very polite yourself calling her Queen Bee and a bitch tbh.

Pipandmum · 30/11/2019 13:45

Fortunately I have the attitude that I could not care less what the Queen Bees of this world think. I'm perfectly happy on my own though I can see it's hard to face that week after week. I never connected with anyone at the activities I took my children too. Do you have a friend with or without a child who could come with you every so often? Just to help pass the time?
I guess they feel the need to big themselves up by putting others down - that insecurity doesn't always fade with maturity. Theres always going to be a queen bee, whether 13, 33 or 83.

Original poster
Stressmess · 30/11/2019 14:26

@NoGaurantee. I don't want to say and be outing but it was comments directed at me and then repeated again just in case I hadn't heard them which I had. I am polite. I chose to ignore her and not rise to her behaviour.

@Pipandmum. You are right it is hard to face it week after week. It is an activity my children enjoy though so I grin and bare it. No just me and my smartphone for company. I think you are right about her bigging herself up but putting others ie me down. She seems to relish being at the centre of the group.

OP posts:
areyouafraidofthedark · 30/11/2019 14:29

Your a better person than me OP. I would of asked her if she had a problem with me.

Original poster
Stressmess · 30/11/2019 14:36

@areyouafraidofthedark. I did in my head! In my head I squared up to her and asked her what her problem is with me? In reality I have always been afraid of confrontation, any sign of aggravation and I would back down. So I just ignored it and pretended that I hadn't heard.

OP posts:
SpiderCharlotte · 30/11/2019 15:21

Yes, I know women like this. One of them tried to 'recruit' me but when I realised that it appeared to be for the sole reason of 'taking me away' from a friend of mine that this other woman didn't like, I very quickly marked her card.

You're a better woman than me OP. I would have had to respond to whatever she said, which is probably what she wanted. You did the right thing.

PlasticPatty · 30/11/2019 15:25

OP, I know exactly the situation you describe. Some women really are power-hungry bitches. I don't know if it's nature or nurture, but it really doesn't help.

My (adult) dd deals with these types by smiling and saying 'Hello! Lovely weather, isn't it?' or some such, as if they were perfectly normal. Eventually, the theory is, they will realise that if they don't respond positively, they look bad. Even to themselves.

GiveHerHellFromUs · 30/11/2019 15:25

I'd like to think I'd have confronted her too but in front of your children you remained dignified. Fair play to you.

I don't understand these women and why they need to put others down to feel good about themselves. I pity her.

Maydayredalert · 30/11/2019 15:31

I feel for you @Stressmess. I've been on the receiving end too and it is so unnecessary. I just ignore them all now, don't even acknowledge that they are there.

I think it is an utter travesty that women behave like this towards each other. I genuinely don't believe that men do. We have such an opportunity in life to support and uplift each other but it seems sadly that some women prefer to backstab and isolate other women.

GrumpyHoonMain · 30/11/2019 15:31

I would have called her out publically and not been polite; she already hates you, might as well give her a reason

Craftycorvid · 30/11/2019 15:36

PkasticPatty’s DD has the right idea: smile sweetly and bid them ‘good morning’ and breeze past. If they are so trivial as to gang up like this, would you honestly wish to be part of it?

ysmaem · 30/11/2019 15:51

OP I'm sorry that you're being bullied. She sounds awful! Cant believe no one sticks up for you either and just idly watches the her torment you. Is there someone who you can talk ylto about it? The person who runs the activity perhaps? Bullying is serious and wont be tolerated, in a room full of children she is expected to act appropriately.

Fleamaker123 · 30/11/2019 15:52

There are some horrible people about, it never fails to shock me how they can be so cruel. I would steer clear too OP you're doing the right thing... And just think to myself thank god I'm not part of that group! I bet they'll get fed up of her and drift over to you...

WorraLiberty · 30/11/2019 15:55

Your a better person than me OP. I would of asked her if she had a problem with me.

That doesn't make the OP a better person.

OP, why don't you ask her politely if you've done anything to upset her?

SarahAndQuack · 30/11/2019 15:57

Unless you are 13, you need to grow up.

TBH, if you are 13, you still need to try to grow up.

AtrociousCircumstance · 30/11/2019 15:57

Was her comment related to you sitting on your own and keeping yourself separate?

UtuNorantiPralatongsThirdEye · 30/11/2019 16:01

It's strange that it's always the women who like to use the term "bitches" about other women that find that no one likes them.

Bigredumbrella · 30/11/2019 17:04

I always think people behave like this because if their own insecurities and dissatisfaction at their own shitty lives. Don't confront her that would be a complete win for her as she would be at the center of some drama and a good way to draw her sad flock in and single you out as a bad apple. As hard as it is kill her with kindness, smile say good morning and don't give her a chance to make you feel shitty. This period of your life will soon be over and you will never have to mix with her again. You will have retained your composure & sanity and she will still be a dick..

Original poster
Stressmess · 30/11/2019 17:19

Thank you for all your supportive comments and for those who have said that I have done the right thing by ignoring her. @spidercharlotte I believe the same thing that happened to you is what happened to me too. @maydayredalert you are so right, I wonder what is wrong with some people?

To those who haven't been supportive well thanks anyway, you maybe never have been on the receiving end of such things?

OP posts:
SpiderCharlotte · 30/11/2019 17:37

To those who haven't been supportive well thanks anyway, you maybe never have been on the receiving end of such things?

Possibly the ones dishing this kind of shit out OP. Does make you wonder.

I couldn't believe how awful some people could behave towards each other until i was well into my 40s.

Rickandportly · 30/11/2019 17:47

This is why I can’t be arsed with people anymore. I smile, say hi, but I am immune to this shit now because I refuse to be part of it and am happier on my own.

I’m sorry it made you feel like shit.

hettie · 30/11/2019 18:16

Is this a kids activity that you sit and watch once a week? (Like dance or judo or something)? If so I'm sorry you're having a hard time but try and get some perspective. Unless of course you all have to make costumes together, or share lifts to tournaments or something... They aren't potential friends or queen beds they are just randoms whose kids happen to attend the same activity as yours.

NoSauce · 30/11/2019 18:28

I don’t understand why anyone wouldn’t say something. No wonder she behaves like that.

Pinkblueberry · 30/11/2019 18:34

Why do some adult women feel the need to make others feel like shit?

It’s not nice - but similarly, as an adult woman you yourself seem to be getting very embroiled and invested in all this. I wouldn’t give two shits quite frankly. It’s an activity for your children - just focus on them.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 30/11/2019 18:59

I've known something of the sort, years ago when mine were at primary stage. Reminded me of the 'coven' of nasty little bullies at school - of course there was a Queen Bee there, and in truth all the others were secretly afraid of her, hence the sucking up and doing her bitchy bidding.

I would honestly do your best to ignore. Smile nicely if you happen to catch anyone's eye, but otherwise take a book or Kindle to be happily engrossed in. Queen Bees want to feel they're upsetting you, so best policy is to make out that they're not succeeding - or better still, that you're not even aware that they're trying.

They are pathetic, but sadly a fact of life now and then.