I understand completely as it was like this when I was a mum at the local church school in an affluent part of North London with a clique of privileged mums whose daughters were their clones. Inside the school they didn't have the name "Queen Bee", a few were referred to as ring leaders which says it all really. I never had much to do with them really, except for one who I did get on well with, we became close friends but I must say I let myself become her confidant, and therapist as well as the go-to person when she had a problem with the other members of the clique. She would tell me all their personal business as well as her own and swore me to secrecy and then would go around telling everyone she knew the exact things she told me, looking for sympathy or anyone who would listen to her problems which led to some of these friends asking me for updates when I met them while walking the dog in the park. I had some problems of my own at the time but couldn't talk to anyone as no one was the slightest bit interested in what was going on in my life. She enjoyed telling me some explicit information about her friend's husband's affairs, and in return, I advised her to keep it to herself as it could break up marriages but I think she liked the idea of holding such power. We had a lot in common but she could regularly have hurtful and cruel spats with me, making nasty comments. I noticed she only talked about herself and her problems most of the time even when I was going through something quite serious and I would be lucky if she gave me fifteen minutes of her time. I stupidly looked after her dog when she was at work and during holidays etc but she then complained her dog got fleas from coming to my house sometimes. I would bring to the conversation something similar that had happened to me in my past and, she would shut me down completely by saying "yes but we aren't talking about you are we". She talked about her friends behind their backs and told me in detail about what was happening in their lives as well as her depressing but worthwhile work she was doing in Africa for hours on end, not to mention giving me insight into her children's lives (they were a very well off family, unlike mine) telling me that "I will take them on a safari maybe that will help" when her daughter was suffering with very severe mental health issues and would continue on to say "oh its hard being a single mother" in spite of having lots of money and support - she even had a cleaner. I had put myself out there to help her through the issues she was having with her daughter but when it came to my children, she didn't return that despite also having a child who also suffer with severe mental health issues. I have been a single working mother for more years than i can remember, with no financial help from anyone and struggled to pay the bills, so I found what she said really patronizing and hardly ever asked about my children or myself - or if she did it would last five minutes she would make subtle underhand digs and then we were back on talking about her again. She had a very wealthy ex-husband who had an affair with one of these so-called good friends who all knew about the affair and invited the couple for dinner and parties without her knowing. I felt really sorry for her as I knew she still loved her husband and wanted to get back with him. I knew about all the details of how much she hated her once-good friend who moved opposite her ex-husband just to be near him. I even had a word with one of her friends from school saying you have been really cruel not telling her about it. I supported my friend emotionally but after about three years of this and her nasty comments, I couldn't bear it for much longer I was getting very depressed and had no outlet for how I was feeling, as well as serious menopausal symptoms that if I mentioned she would laugh at and just tell me to deal with it as it's natural. I was making quiet plans to move from London to Bath, but meanwhile, I took a few more nasty, snidey comments about my children, my home, the way I looked, and just waited for her to overstep the mark (moreso than she already had) and she did, so I quickly dumped her feeling much relief and therefore had nothing to do with her for nearly six years when I moved away to Somerset. When I moved, I had a new job, new everything, had time to think about my very toxic friendship and felt a bit silly for putting myself into that situation in the first place as she was known as the Ring Leader of a very nasty clique of a wealthy woman in the area. I became seriously ill after about a year of moving and was diagnosed with stage four breast cancer and felt very alone and contemplated moving back to London as I was so homesick after I lived in the county for four and a half years. I found a nice large flat near to where I use to live in North London and moved back. But this was hard as I was now living with Breast cancer that had spread to my bones and needed a wheelchair to get around. When I got back to London, I thought I would go for a coffee in my favourite coffee shop and noticed a woman who was part of this large clique with a good friend of my ex-friend. I noticed she got her phone out and from a short distance, shamelessly held up her phone in my direction, seemingly to take a picture of me or film me... and I knew then that it would get around quickly that I was back. A few months went by and I saw many people I know and I told them that I was now living with stage four cancer and happy to be back in London. I met an ex-neighbour whom I had known for about twenty years and really got on well with and trusted. I told them about my cancer and how I had struggled in Somerset with coping with my illness, she looked at me in disbelief and sneered at me, and said "actually, no one would believe you have Cancer, looking the way you do". I said thanks but it didn't sound like it was meant to be a compliment - she really didn't believe me which felt strange as I had been already living with it for four years. She asked if I was still friends with the ex-friend (Ring Leader) and I said no I haven't seen her, I asked if she was still around and she said yes, so I stupidly said "gosh I can't go back to everything that came with that friendship" and "I really don't think I could cope with it now I'm so ill" and expressed my old frustrations about her behaviour before we fell out - in hindsight, it does seems like this woman was egging me of to continue talking her negatively... For a reason that I don't understand she went and told everyone in my ex-friend's clique that I was lying about having cancer because I looked really healthy with a full head of hair. She told them what I said about my ex-friend, but hadn't told my ex-friend at this point - I think she recorded me and it was put on social media because everyone ghosts me now. Now I am living in a small part of North London where the mums from the school my son went to 15 years go, never talk to me and I am being ghosted by this group of women and some of my neighbours, who have been told I don't have cancer and was nasty about my ex-friend. I just didn't want to get into that again. Then one day I bumped into my ex-friend by accident and she was so nice and I was generally pleased to see her so we said we should meet up for coffee and we did. It was so nice to see her but we returned to the same habits again - the first part of the conversation was all about her divorce and children, ignoring the elephant in the room of my being in a wheelchair until she was done... but that is who she is. We had a nice time so we had another coffee about a month after and caught up a bit more when she told me about a few breakups of couples we both knew and how sad it was. Later, I was speaking to one of the friends of the woman who was going through a breakup that I had heard what happened, and it was a shock. I told her I thought they were so happy and I didn't expect that and she asked where I got that information from (in a particularly nasty way). I told her the truth and said I had coffee with my ex-friend and she told me. Knowing our history, this person they said I thought you didn't like her (my ex friend), I said I do like her I just won't be so involved this time so she can't take advantage - expecting she wouldn't either as I am ill - so I was happy to have a coffee with her about once a month to catch up. That didn't go down well as I think they have told her everything. She clearly hates me now and won't talk to me again, ignoring many calls and texts I had made. It has shown me that I put up with so much to the point where I think it even made me ill. I was the most loyal friend, all I wanted was a little bit of that friendship back. What I said has had repercussions, hurting her as well as me. This is what cliques do. Being in a clique is about power and with that comes jealousy, spite and being obsessive about controlling who talks to their friends. I haven't really lost much as I have made nice new friends as well as people in my cancer group that are supporting me, and I support them. It's not good to be in a clique, it's good to have a diverse group of friends who you can trust and that won't say nasty things to you when things when you're down, or struggling, or ever.... Friends support each other. I left them to bitching about me and each other and bragging about what they have over others (myself included most likely). They are now in their fifties and still acting like they're in a playground. I now mind my own business, ignoring them when they're in a group and sneering when I am riding around in my wheelchair. It sometimes makes me wonder if they would do that if they were on their own, away from their clique and I was fit and healthy, walking around like I used to. I bet they wouldn't.