Dad as primary parent and Mum takes a secondary role

[FreedomBird]

I’d love to talk to you if your ex (male) is the primary parent/primary residence.

And you are a female that has a secondary parenting role.

It seems very taboo. Just wondering if there are many of you here.

It’s unworkable if it’s 50/50 but it’s not clear at all that is in the child’s best interests.

I’d speak to a solicitor OP - if you need to move for your sanity and work I’d do this, at least consider it, taking the kids with you. The evidence does not show that children do better with 50/50 or have better relationships because of it.

You want honest-then I’m afraid you have to take all opinions.

My mum left when I was 5, for whatever reason she decided I was better off with my dad. I categorically was NOT better off with my dad-he was emotionally unavailable and the woman he married was abusive to me.

I’m in my 30’s with children of my own....I’m afraid I’ll never forgive her for leaving me. I was just a kid. We have a relationship of sorts, but it’s not, nor will it ever be, what it should be.

Society frowns upon it because Mother Nature never intended for mothers to be separated from their babies, it goes against all instincts.

I have my school age children 50/50 with their dad. We do exactly the same amount of overnights a month unless one of us has to work away or something. I moved away from the family home around 3 years ago when DD was in the first year of school, and now live about a 20 minute drive away from their dad and their school.
My dc wanted to stay at the same schools and I would never have moved them away from their friends and where they were settled and happy. I do half the school runs every week and then work in the evenings once they're in bed. Logistically it would be a LOT easier for their dad to do the school runs and the overnights on those days, but I couldn't have had them only every weekend, and my kids would have missed me terribly too.
My eldest DS has just gone up to high school and I think he may want to stay at his dads a little more soon as he likes to play out with his friends. Luckily their dad and I co-parent pretty well together and if one of us had something on like work or something we will swap a day with no bother.

If your Ex was great with the DC it would be different but he's not and you know it.

If you fight and lose then that's horrible but you know you fought.

Honestly, I can't imagine leaving DH and leaving my DS behind.

Unless you are certain that your ex would be as good a primary carer for your DD as you are, I would move her school and keep her at your home until court. This is assuing your ex hasn't already warned the school that his permission for this is withheld.

At 6 your dd will be fine to move schools. You need to go to court to get an order in place that allows you to move the school to your new town.

You have been the primary carer. You do at least 50:50 now. You should be able to do this. If you act now. And if you want it.

How long have you been separated? Surely you are the primary carer as you have the preschooler more?

How long has the new partner been on the scene?

Move the child’s school fgs!

Why would you let your children stay in the main custody of a low level abusive bully, by your own description?

When I was reading through the thread I thought your older DC must be atleast 10, but she's only 6? At that age changing schools really shouldn't be an issue? I just get the sense you're making it harder than it has to be.

I would take both kids, enrol them where you work. Have them full time except eow. No question. I would not be asking, I would be telling. You leave your kids now and you've one hell of a mountain to climb.

How are you doing today, OP?