Help! Overheard DD talking to a friend

[helpdilema]

Both year 9. Friend just 14, DD13

I was upstairs and she didn't realise I could hear. She was Skyping her friend who was telling her that she'd just had unprotected "accidental" sex with her 14-15 year old boyfriend. She seemed cheerful about it. DD was horrified, but now the dilemma is "Do I tell friends mum?" DD doesn't know i heard....
We are friendly but not close but I know in her shoes I'd absolutely want to know....

Regardless of how sensitive you feel the subject is, you were eavesdropping a conversation not meant for you and it’s not your information to share. I know it’s alarming but it very common and you have to trust your friend has had the talks with her daughter about protections. Foster the kind of relationship with your own daughter than she can talk about these things with you and get her to advise friend re MAP or speaking to a responsible adult about contraception. Ensure your own daughter knows the score but don’t get the other girl in trouble for doing what teenage girls do.

I'd encourage your DD to persuade her friend to talk to someone at school. Then no-one is breaking any trusts and the friend gets help from people who are trained for this kind of thing.

Can I ask why you wouldn't tell the Mum? I know you've said she is strict but so what?

What would you want to happen in reverse?

You overheard the conversation. Personally I don't think you can just pretend you don't know and do nothing.

I think you need to tread very carefully. You could ruin your DD's friendship and make things difficult for her.
Could you have a chat with your dd, be honest and tell her you accidentally overheard what was said and find out a bit more what's going on. Is the friend telling the truth, is she feeling pressured in the relationship, what the boy is like, does she think her friend needs help of any kind, then take it from there.

Ok. So DD and I caught up on the way to school. I'm aware this won't be popular but I'm not going to do anything. People are absolutely right that it's not my place to get medical help for someone else's child. DD has info on a clinic near school where she could get MAP and I've said she can go after school with friend if friend wants to.

Not going to tell the mum. It'd be a big breach of DDs trust and impact her enormously at school. I know if I were her I'd want to know but DD is my priority.

@helpdilema I think you have made the right decision. Your relationship with your DD is priority. You can advise her on how to support her friend.

Completely agree with your decision.

I agree with what you've done. Your position is to advise your DD on her choices, and hope that she passes sensible advice on to her friend.

@helpdilema I think you are doing 100% the right thing.

You cannot betray your DD's trust and if you ever want her to tell you anything again you cannot tell.

You can offer to support DD as she helps her friend navigates this issue but you could irretrievably ruin your DD's trust in you if you spoke against her express wishes now

@helpdilema I also think you are doing the right thing. Your daughter could suffer all sorts at school if it became apparent she had told you and you had passed the information on.

Confirm to your daughter that you will support her in helping her friend and also open to talking to said friend if your dd can persuade her. It's ironic that friend thinks she is old enough to have sex but still too immature to follow the next logical steps.

I was going to suggest that you buy the MAP from a local pharmacy but round here it happens so often that the pharmacist comes armed with the first pill and the youngsters have to take it in front of them. As far as I can understand this is to prevent buying for others and also so the girl can have advice about contraception/STDs etc

I am sort of hoping that friend made up this tale on the spur of the moment as an attention seeking plan. It wouldn't be the first time a girl has done that!

@helpdilema This is a really tough call but I think you are doing the right thing, too.

Of course, a mum would want to know if this happened to her daughter but you have to put your daughter first. And I do agree that you should not take the girl to get medical treatment, but I do not see the harm in you giving information of where to get help and medical advice to your DD, who can pass this on to her friend.

Sorry that you are in such a tough situation!

@helpdilema. As I said in my earlier posts, I think that’s the best course of action. 🌷

Let’s hope your DD convinces her friends that the MAP is a good idea & personal contraception and condoms are a must IF she continues having sex.

IF she even did. Maybe she’s reluctant to ask for your help or go to get help in case it outs her fabrication! I certainly knew girls at school that bragged about it that hadn’t.

You are doing the right thing OP your daughter is your number one priority not her friend.

Good call.
Your DD knows she can trust you and that's the best move.
It's now up to your DD's friend if she takes the advice of your DD - if your DD can, she should offer to go with her for any of the suggested options (MAP, GP etc) for support - but you've done all you can by giving the information over. Now trust your DD to pass it on.