You've got your hands full comment

[readysteadylook]

Why do people say this? It's obvious if someone is walking around with 3/4 children and shopping etc they are struggling.

The past 3 days when I have gone out with my dc I have had this comment said to me many times.

If someone has said this to you before what was your reply? I started of by smiling at them but now it's got to a point I just pretend not to hear them.

On the other hand if you have said ' you've got your hands full' to anyone before, why did you say it ? Apart from to state the obvious.

It’s probably just chat and small talk, I don’t imagine people mean anything by it. I’m sure people said it to me when mine were small, I didn’t think anything of it.

It's just a passing comment, a bit of social interaction. Just smile, agree, and get on with your day. It's really no big deal.

I always saw it as an empathetic comment implying moral support. I was certainly never offended by it.

I've never said it to anyone; but I think I'd take it as a) sympathy for the struggle and b) awe over how you manage it! My mother took us all four shopping when we were tiddlers and I have NO idea how she managed it. Awe! She must have royally had her hands full!

I think I'd just say "Yeah but I'm pretty practiced at it now" as a response. Or "if you're impressed by this, you should see when I've got all eight of them with me!" for a laugh.

Nor me. Why get offended?

Reading some of the threads on here over the years I think it's better never to attempt chitchat with anyone

Normal social interaction. Just be nice.

I always see it as someone empathising and recognising what I’m bloody struggling with daily 😂

I have less than zero problem with people saying it to me. It’s bloody true for a start!

I just laugh and say "yes I really have". I struggle to take offence as it's usually from older women giving me a very sympathetic look so I like to think they've been through it at some point themselves and are acknowledging what I'm dealing with.

One comment I got once was from an old lady who pointed at my then newborn and 16 month old boys and said "that's worse than twins that is". I didnt know what to say to that tbh!

I think it depends on the tone and manner, i.e. With a smile and nod - it's a compliment, show of support. I usually get that from older women who go on to tell me that they too had 3/4+ children

But yes, I've had it too with a 'rather you than me' look of horror

I don’t believe I’ve ever said it, but if I did it would be a passing comment to express empathy.

Certainly not an underhand way of saying “God your kids are right little shits aren’t they?”

@Thewalker75 Snap

I am offended by it as it's not always said in a nice way. Sometimes it will be said with a smile and a look of sympathy, but more recently it's been said not in a sympathetic way.

I've been guilty of this, I had no idea it was so offensive. It was just an attempt at being friendly and supportive, acknowledging that wow, that must be hard work and you're doing a great job.

*But yes, I've had it too with a 'rather you than me' look of horror
*
This is what I mean.

I get this all the time - I’ve got 3 kids under 5. I’ve also been asked a few times if they are all mine
I don’t take offence to it. Just people making small talk I guess

I get it alot, I have 4 kids.
Worse was when I lady serving me at the supermarket asked if my children were always so lively (they were being perfectly normal, but perhaps normal I'd skewered by the constant madness!) So I replied that yes they were and she told me I was more patient than she was. I just paid and left as it was obviously a backhanded criticism. But honestly they weren't being naughty or disruptive, just the usual chatter and laughter.

What do you think they mean by it if you don’t believe it’s said kindly?

Generally this is done with empathy and kindness.

Are your kids behaving and under control ? I'd struggle to understand why someone would say it in a mean way to you unless there was an issue that was in some way bothering them.

I think it's annoying too, sorry. I know it's just chit chat but if it's an acknowledgement of wow that looks hard work and you look like you're doing a great job, it would be much better to say that 😂

Now, I'm starting to feel justified that I don't usually bother trying to pass the time of day exchanging pleasantries with strangers.

Why is a 'rather you than me' look so offensive? There are loads of things I'd say, or think, 'rather you than me' to, but it's not sneering it's just a genuine feeling that I wouldn't want to have to do that. It could be having two children only a year apart, it could be training for a marathon, it could be studying for a doctorate. Anything. The fact that I wouldn't want to do it doesn't mean that I've got malevolent feelings towards anyone who does.

My usual answer is "yup"

I say "yes I do"

It's just an acknowledgment, a verbal pat on the back. I've said it to someone before, only because she reminded of me of when my kids were small and I was wrangling with them. People offended me more with the 'what do you do all day' type remarks and I took the you look busy comments as meant with kindness.