You've got your hands full comment

[readysteadylook]

Why do people say this? It's obvious if someone is walking around with 3/4 children and shopping etc they are struggling.

The past 3 days when I have gone out with my dc I have had this comment said to me many times.

If someone has said this to you before what was your reply? I started of by smiling at them but now it's got to a point I just pretend not to hear them.

On the other hand if you have said ' you've got your hands full' to anyone before, why did you say it ? Apart from to state the obvious.

No offence taken here either. I had 2 under 18m. One is a runner and general menace. The other relatively compliant 😂.

People say you've got your hands full to me and I just smile and say yes! I've often had people help me out or try and entertain the kids if they're fed up and bored.

No need to look for offence. I highly doubt anyone goes to the supermarket looking to offend another person about their family choices

I say, "yes, I am, would you like one?" with a big grin but I've never had anyone say it to me in a shitty way. I think, with families being smaller now than ever, it's just unusual to be herding a tribe through the shopping aisles.

Being an older lady in my fifties I have been known to say this, I say it because I am acknowledging what a tough job parenting can be at times i’m certainly not being critical.Parenting can feel like herding cats wether you have 4 kids or just one who’s having a moment, one of mine has ADHD so I often had my hands full just with him.
I often use it as prelude to an offer to help as in” you look like you’ve got your hands full can I get that door for you / hold your shopping bags ( so that you can chase after an escaping toddler or wrestle a wee one into their jacket) / help with your buggy down a flight of stairs”.

Some people just want to talk. And don’t always remember to have a perfect smile plastered on their face first.

Don’t be such a grouch. No one you meet in passing cares enough to judge you for ages about the number of kids you have. They will have forgotten you 4 seconds after saying it.

It's just part of the social script... like, 'weathers turned now hasn't it'

You clearly have insecurities surrounding the number of children you have and are trying to take offence when there is none meant.

You are incorrectly perceiving their reactions (‘sympathy’ ‘negative’) as a slight against you and becoming defensive because of this, when it’s simply nothing more than small talk.

It’s something I say. I’m just making small talk; it doesn’t mean anything except perhaps a small nod to moral support.

I've got three children under five, my hands are definitely full so it's just a statement of fact, but if said with the subtext of 'because your children are little shits' then clearly that's not nice.

It's not as bad as 'ooh, somebody's not happy!' Said almost exclusively by older women when one of my children is crying or having a tantrum. I mean, did you think I hadn't noticed?!

I always saw it as an empathetic comment implying moral support

^totally and I doubt anyone has looked at you with horror and thought ‘rather you than me’. You are making a huge assumption about someone just reaching out to you.

It’s small talk, nothing more.

You are probably being over-sensitive.

Older people seek to interact with parents of young children because seeing them reminds us of those days, which we all look back on with rose-tinted spectacles.

I have started to say this sort of thing to people in shops. I think it's a bid for conversation, just to have a bit of adult contact in the day. And to show solidarity.

Why is a 'rather you than me' look so offensive?

You really need to ask this?

I commented up thread, I've had this comment a lot, and I only have 2 children. But a small age gap.

It's just small talk chat. I just laugh and say"yup!"

It's not as bad as 'ooh, somebody's not happy!' Said almost exclusively by older women when one of my children is crying or having a tantrum. I mean, did you think I hadn't noticed?!

I used to give a weary laugh and reply "Nope! I wouldn't let her run into traffic" or something equally truthful.

I see it as a solidarity comment.

Why is a 'rather you than me' look so offensive?

You really need to ask this?

Yes, I do because I've no idea why someone not wanting to do the exact same thing that you're doing should be offensive to anyone. People have said 'rather you than me' more times than I can count, about various things over the years and I don't understand why it would be a criticism.

I get this a lot, and I just say ‘yes I have!’. It has never occurred to me to be offended by it. It’s usually said to me on the days I have a friend’s DC after school while friend is at work (I have three of my own).

I also don’t think ‘rather you than me’ is offensive. Just because someone doesn’t want to be doing what I’m doing, doesn’t mean they’re criticising me or my choices!

I would be hurt and offended if someone made that comment about my children/the number of children I have.

Thoughtless, tactless and rude thing to say, IMO

Both to say it, and 'the look' !!

I would be hurt and offended if someone made that comment about my children/the number of children I have.

Can you explain why you feel that way? I have a fairly big age gap between my children, one that is often viewed as 'too big' on mumsnet. If someone says to me 'oh, I loved having my kids close together' am I meant to take it as a criticism of my children? It's a bit of a stretch to think that them enjoying having two children close in age means that they think badly of me.

I always took "rather you than me" as meaning "well done, I couldn't do what your doing".

I always saw it as a way of people trying to be emphathetic to help the busy person feel better ie acknowledging shopping with three kids must be tricky. It makes some people feel better if they look stressed that others understand it must be hard for them.

I always just replied “oh yes, but they are great fun”. It shuts up the haters and makes the nice ones all gooey. Win, win.

I say, "yes, I am, would you like one?" with a big grin

I am going to steal this! 5dc under 12 here