You've got your hands full comment

[readysteadylook]

Why do people say this? It's obvious if someone is walking around with 3/4 children and shopping etc they are struggling.

The past 3 days when I have gone out with my dc I have had this comment said to me many times.

If someone has said this to you before what was your reply? I started of by smiling at them but now it's got to a point I just pretend not to hear them.

On the other hand if you have said ' you've got your hands full' to anyone before, why did you say it ? Apart from to state the obvious.

I never take offense to it at all. It sounds like you are defensive for some reason.

@isabellerossignol
I have a big gap between two of mine too, and I wouldn't find it hurtful or offensive if someone said that they were glad they had theirs close together. I'd consider them a bit thoughtless, maybe. Again, I think it depends on the tone and context.

I don't think you can compare that to someone outright saying 'rather you than me'. I might privately think that about someone with X number of children, but I certainly wouldn't say it

I have baby twins and was getting them out of the car in the rain the other day to take my four year old DD to school.

Chap in the car park next to me says "you have my condolences".

I had 3 under 3 by the time I was 22. People used to say it but I didn't take it as a criticism. I had a coach built pram with the baby in it. 15 month old went on the seat. Shopping went on a tray on bottom of the pram and 2.5 year old walked alongside me for a mile to nearest supermarket. We managed fine

I don't think you can compare that to someone outright saying 'rather you than me'.

People have said that to me repeatedly, particularly when my younger child was born and we went back to nappies and sleepless nights after a few years of 'normality'. I honestly don't get what's offensive about it.

I don’t think that’s offensive personally, just someone acknowledging your situation looks difficult.

I'm struggling to even imagine how it can be said offensively. I have never known it to be so.

I think it's people just trying to be sympathetic/make small talk. I had four under 7 for a short period and I lost count of the number of times people said things like "Don't you have a telly?" "You do know what's causing them don't you" etc......

I used to just give them a withering stare and move on with my day - honestly - 'You've got your hands full' was often the kindest thing said!

(People are just weird - on my wedding day, sitting in the car on the way to the church, people were shouting "don't do it, love", 'Still got time to change your mind" etc. How horrid!! There were others saying Congratulations etc, but my mother always taught me if you don't have anything nice to say, just don't say it - I wish more people adhered to that mantra....!)

"I am offended by it as it's not always said in a nice way. Sometimes it will be said with a smile and a look of sympathy, but more recently it's been said not in a sympathetic way "

I've been trying for ages to work out what this means?

Can you describe the look? Was it an 'angry stare' or something?

I'm genuinely confused

I hear it all the time!
It’s usually a friendly jokey comment so I say ‘yes, full hands and empty pockets’

I get it allllllllllll the time with my twins. I try to accept that people want to make comments/be nice... but if I'm having a bad day it makes me cross because my twins are mostly well behaved! Just smile and carry on. "double trouble" winds me up even more; so as long as they haven't said that, I'm usually quite polite

My fil was keen on telling me that ds 1 ' is getting a handful' at 1 or 2. Yep, that's what children do , get into everything and are hard work. I hated it , but had to be polite.
Nobody really wants to hear the truth especially not me! Trouble is he seemed to relish saying it.

This is the reason people have given me for not inviting me around for Christmas (should have a baby by then) and it really annoys me. Yes I will have my hands full with a baby - but when they had their hands full I still made them Christmas dinner and brought it around for the cunting fuckers. It just seems like because I can’t host this year (first time in decades) I am now no longer required.

I hated it. I had twins and a two year old. One woman said 'I pity you' to me in the middle of Lidl once
That finished me off for the day
A very nice and very smart businessman man complete with hat and umbrella once came up to me when the twins were tiny and my toddler was having a meltdown - 'Don't worry - It will get better, I've been there' he said. Now that was a nice comment. It actually made me feel better.

@GrumpyHoonMain

That's really awful, the rotten sods.

Please don't host them again!

A lady in a shop said this to me, I had 3 boys under 3 and one was tantruming. Gave her half a smile and carried on dealing with the children.

She was waiting outside for me to apologise for upsetting me, I was the first person she'd spoken to for a few days as she lived alone and had been unwell. Obviously made it clear I wasn't upset just busy and stressed! We had a lovely chat. I see her fairly regularly and keep an eye out.

Sometimes I think we get so busy with our lives that we forget people are often lonely and don't get to spend much time with others.

My response is always just “ha! You’re not wrong!”

It's one of the many things I learnt to say as small talk to people.

There's little I'm comfortable saying to anyone, even people I know.

Whether it's this comment, or something about the weather (I couldn't give two craps about the weather unless it's actually snowing) I will come out with crap when people expect me to say something.

When I say it, it's meant kindly, or to get people off my back, or whatever. I'm not socially competent enough to talk to other people at the best of times.

This is just my position on this situation and I hope it helps.

There's no malice in that. It's recognition of how hard the job you're doing can be. A little bit of "I see you, I get it" moral support.

I get it all the time. I've got four kids, 3 of them are between 2 and 5 years old, so I do get looks and comments. " Are they all yours?, You've got your hands full" etc. It doesn't bother me as I normally just think they're being friendly and making conversation. If I do get comments while one is having a tantrum and I'm obviously stressed then I don't like that. It just makes me more stressed as I know I'm the centre of unwanted attention.

I was guilty of this the other day! Just empathy really as remembered what it was like with young DC and a dog! Lovely lady with a Baby and toddler and 6 month old pup! She took it well and smiled

You've got your hands full didn't bother me when my four were small.
"I don't know how you do it?!" Usually accompanied with a horrified look used to annoy me a bit.
Also "I think you need a tele love" usually from older men used to bug me I used to just smile sweetly and say "we have a tele we just watch a lot of porn"
Many shocked faces after that

I only have two children but when I was out with a 2 year old and newborn I got it a few times. It's just someone acknowledging that having small children/ lots of children can be difficult at times- which it bloody well can be. (They're now 4 and 2 and I still feel like I have my hands full most days!!)

It's just something people say, like "Turned out nice again". I always took it as said in a sympathetic way. If anyone had actually meant it snarkily, I would think that would be their problem, not mine. As RuPaul says, ""What other people think of you is none of your business."

But my "D" SIL raising her eyebrows if a child so much as raised their voice and saying "Oh dear, are they always like this?" did piss me off. But then she had kids of her own and found out about karma