I wish weekends were different (big rant!)

[confusedofengland]

I have posted about this before, so if you think it sounds familiar, it probably does, but I need to vent.

More & more, our weekends (our life!) are being taken over by football & I hate it so so much. There is training every Saturday, matches every Sunday, watching it on TV most weekends & watching it in person on the other weekends. This weekend, there was training 8.30-11.20 yesterday, then matches 9-2 today. Last weekend there was training 8.30-11, Premier league match 1-10pm Saturday, then matches 10.40-1 on Sunday. Then when they get back from training/playing there is another 1 hour on unpacking the car, showering & messages before they are really with us. On our recent holiday, DH spent approx 2 hours of each day on his phone (messages) sorting out a problem at the club

All of the above is DH & DS1 (10). DH is chairman of DS1'S club & coaches 2 teams. They support a Premier league side 2.5 hours' drive away. DH also spends many hours a week at the club, sorting out bins/draining/signage/whatever else plus 2-3 evening meetings a month.

When they are off at football of either sort, I am left with DS2 (8, ASC) & DS3 (5). They take our only car. We live in a village, don't have much money so getting buses is out of the question. We arrange to do things with friends/family when they are around, but most people want to do things with their own families at weekends.

DH doesn't get why I am so so fed up with it all. Doesn't acknowledge that he won't really be with us until 3pm today & by then it's nearly dark & he & DS1 are shattered & don't want to do anything except watch TV. He says that I am in the wrong for 'making the time we do have miserable by being annoyed'.

He has been talking about doing training 1 midweek evening instead of Saturdays, which would be amazing, but that won't happen until next season at the earliest. By that time, DS1 will be at senior school & less likely to want to spend time with us anyway!

That was such a long rant & maybe this is just what family life is like & IABU, but I'm so fed up with it all. It feels worse atm because of the wet days & dark nights, so I feel a bit trapped with the little 2

It's much better if the coaches don't also have a management role. Then, why parents moan to the coaches, they can be sent on to management who will generally tell them bluntly to appreciate the time the coaches put in and that they're welcome to either hep themselves or find a new club. The managers at our cricket club were a bit older, kids just about grown, so that really worked for us because they'd been the coach themselves. Is there someone older at the club would could deal with disgruntled parents for DH? So that he can concentrate on coaching and non parental aspects of the club?

Sparkli, I also volunteer, but I do so without it impacting on family time. So he's no better than me in that respect.

OP this would be my personal hell, truly. You have all my sympathy, I am just horrified at the sheer intensity of it all! I am so hoping my children don't get into football, I dread the prospect. Sure, exercise is healthy, but there are FAR better ways of being healthy that don't involve one child getting ALL of dad's attention and the other two going without. When is there family time? There isn't. DH needs to step back on his coaching duties, perhaps go down to one team. I'd be tempted to get rid of the tv just so I didn't have to suffer the constant football matches on tv as well (irrational, I know).

No real solutions I'm afraid, just sympathy OP. I understand absolutely why you're upset.

Ah but he is being selfish Sparkli. He's giving ALL his time to a hobby that he clearly loves while completely ignoring that his wife and 2/3rds of his children never get any time with him. That's pretty selfish to me. He needs a better balance.

I would tell your DH that he needs to step down as chairman at the end of the season and that he needs to do activities out of the house with the younger DC. Saturday afternoon swimming either as a family, he he takes them while you do something for yourself
This or a trial separation leading to divorce personally. Love is an action and he’s not showing it (except for ds1 and everyone else in the club). Also, phone free time on holidays, I would say I will stomp on your phone, drive over it then flush it down the toilet if I see you on it in a phone free period and he would know that I meant every single word of that.

Oh and it’s sky or the season ticket. No funds for you and younger dc is not an option. You are not second class citizens in your own family.

There are 5 people in the family but 2 of them are using up all of the spare funds, family time, and the family transport. The other 3 are left with zilch unless it magically fits in around the wants of the 'Golden Two'.

Your DH can't keep cherry-picking which bits of parenting he feels like doing. He has 3 children and needs to be spending time with all of them, not just the one whose interests mirror his own.

You also need a break from childcare - whether that takes the form of a hobby of your own or just a bit of space to recharge your batteries.

This is such sad reading OP. Your DH may be generous and giving when it comes to his hobby but he is utterly selfish towards you and his two younger dc. I can't believe he is spending money on a season ticket and premium sport tv when you don't have a lot of money. Do you ever get to spend similar amounts on yourself or your other boys OP?

So what are you going to do OP?

I feel your pain! At one point my DH was coaching both our boys' teams as well as an academy side so he was at it 3 nights a week and both weekend days. And the house was full of footballs, cones, kit that had been left behind etc. I did threaten to leave saying I felt there was no point in me being in a relationship with him because I never saw him.
There is light at the end of the tunnel, our boys are older teens now and DH is only coaching one team. I know it's hard to get other parents to help but maybe if you explain how you feel he can try to shift some of the responsibility to others...

How are you going to break this cycle of bullshit OP? Five hour round trips to enable your husband to escape his lifestyle choices is not sustainable. Him failing to parent his other kids is unacceptable. He’s failing you all. Your life would be easier if you divorced him and he had to actually parent his three kids 50% of the time.
‘The one car is the problem’-obviously not, the man is failing to parent his kids, adding another car to the household just means he can feel better about ditching his wife and younger kids so he can avoid them and piss about and do five hour round trips.

Could he car share with someone else from the village? Then you'd have the car. Or could you all go along and watch/find a nearby park when you've had enough?