Colleagues ignoring me - taking bets on how long they can keep it up

[skiddley]

Just that really. Started tail end of last year, all ok. This summer I got my hours a little bit redjusted to for childcare issues and that's when the fun started. Little snipes here and there. I had a day off and came back to being ignored. Only spoken to about work and only the briefest of replies if I asked anything else. They would chat, when I joined in, that was the chat over.

I spoke to my manager to say I was feeling left out. Her response was flat denial rather than caring. She asked for examples, all my examples were shit cos I was caught on the hop (I shouldn't have been, that was my fault) but I did mention no one ever has asked if I had a nice weekend.

Following Monday, she passes round the work and jokes shell need to give me less as illl be so busy telling everyone about my weekend. Cue lots of sniggerring. The y had obviously gone and told them what I'd said. That week was awful and I went off sick. 4 weeks later, I am pumped full of citalopram and I'm loving it. Came back to work last week andnot one person has asked me if I'm feeling better . No one is speaking at all. Therr is a total silence the whole time I'm in. Chat goes on when j go to the loo, stops when I'm back.

I'm being perverse but I am loving it. I am waiting to see how long they continue to ignore me cos I'm loving the silence. I work tuesday to Thursday so they can chat alm the like those days but right now I am wondering if they will take this right up to xmas. Thay is going to be a fun Christmas lunch

vinandvigour sorry you had this too. I wouldn't have touched that tea either

I just dont get the bullying attitude. I've never ever treated anyone like this. Ever. I've worked with many people I dislike but I am polite to them . I might not go out my way to be friends but I'm always polite. This cliquey nonsense is boiling my piss. Tbh, I'm also fairly introverted and donf have a loud personality. I also hate confrontation. Ads or not, I'm unlikely to call the out on it. But who knows...

There is just a skeleton staff in between xmas and NY. I have obe day to cover, really just for admin and getting stuff done that gets put on the back burner. No client work. But do you know, cough cough, I can start to feel a tickle on my throat ....

I dont open the mail but I'm not doing that! The girls that do open the mail are sweet

I would hang on if you can till Christmas and then hand in your notice just before you go Christmas Eve, but when the owner has time to open it. I would be putting in there that you are leaving due to the bullying behaviour of x,y and z and that you are engaging a solicitor with a view to seeing for constructive dismissal

Then wait and see what happens

I worked in a place that would treat people like this. I wasn't one of the targets, but two lovely women both left because of one awful bullying bitch.

Actually, I changed departments because of that, and eventually they did it to me (different bullying wankers) I left. It wasn't worth it. Makes you feel so bloody awful. Don't know why people do it.

It's nice that you are able to walk away in the new future and aren't letting it get to you.

I find this and other things I have heard about. Women are turning on women. I have seen so much of it and it is getting worse. It is fine to be strong women but don't trample on other women

OP sorry this is happening to you.

I had a weird thing. Small HCP patient facing team, part of a bigger department..

There was one young woman A, there who was always no more than civil to me. She seemed to get on with others, and was friends with one or two outside work. But did not get on with B, an older woman, like me, but who was a manager. B was often openly hostile to A in particular, and B didn't treat me that well, either!

Everyone else was absolutely fine towards me, including her out-of-work friends who also used to comment how different she was outside work compared to in work.

I wondered whether it was embarrassment? A had come to our bigger department on placement as a student, with other fellow students. 3 or 4 of her cohort joined us and they'd say how A was a bit odd, lasted 3 months in a shared house before retreating home, didn't really have any mates. But she was befriended by the older women in the department, where she became a bit of a pain, constantly phoning these women, asking if she could drop by (why they were making dinner, helping with DC homework etc), outstaying her welcome. I am friends with all these women.

But they recognised she was lonely so were nice to her.

Then, another woman joined the bigger department; she and A hit it off and became partners (now married). Suddenly, A froze out all the older women who had befriended her and whom she had been dependent on. Absolutely blanking them in the corridors. And A would know full well that I knew of this past dependency.

Then A joined our specialist team.

Anyway, we 'got on' as much as was professionally necessary- til B left. Then suddenly A was all smiles, all 'How was your weekend? How are your boys?' and sometimes voluntarily putting herself down to work with me, something we both avoided like the plague prior (and something I felt awkward about, given this volte face!).

Anyway, I (and the rest of the team) have no idea why B leaving caused A to thaw towards me!

I'm glad to say, A left us a year or so ago, though.

But people are weird.

lovemenorca its paid ok, I think, better than in some areas. Wed all love more money and holidays but for what we do, the pay ok ok. Not too menial either most, not all, have degrees. But I am older than most buy about 20 years. The 2 who are nice and are nearer my age work very part time and are in a different room to me. We hardly see each other.

Social groups, never fitted it. Have a small very good group of friends though. And happy to keep it at that.

My one thing is that I dont at work. I am not going to be that person who stands in the break room holding court and snagging off colleagues. K might mean but actual butching nope. I dont do it. My mum never did it and she once told me was was always lonely at work because she played no part in the bitching either.

Well well well.
But they are a small bunch of bitches,and we are on your side,sitting on your shoulder,and there are more of us.
Yup,leave at the most inconvenient time for the company.
How about beginning of December,that should cause a few issues for them covering when they want to do stuff for the run up to Christmas.

Tbh I wouldn’t hand in notice

Go back to doctor and show doctor what these people are doing, show your note pad and get a sick note, then another and string it out

No one should have to put up with this, put in for ssp

Holy crap! I hate this app. Ok, that was meant to read bitching. I dont bitch at work and my mum didn't either. Not butching. Where did that come from

And people really are weird. The woman opposite me, 42 times ahe was on her mobile messaging and whatever. 42 that I saw and marked down. There is a no phone on from policy that only gets adhered too when we see the boss's car pull up outside (about one a fortnight) . I am a little guilty of checking my phone, just not that much

miljea that's just plain odd. What a weird woman.

* And people really are weird. The woman opposite me, 42 times ahe was on her mobile messaging and whatever. 42 that I saw and marked down*

it’s a little “weird” to be marking down how often your colleague checks her phone

@skiddley I'm like this too, lots of people are. But most people I've met haven't bullied me because they're not horrible. Don't blame yourself, it's not a flaw to be socially awkward, I bet you're really kind and a loyal friend - in terms of friendships I think quality is better than quantity.

lovemenorca yes it is, I know. But she passes so much work on to other people cos she is so busy. Not so busy that she can spend all that time on WhatsApp. So yes, if I'm being bitches about and ignored, I'm doing what I can to build up a picture of workplace bullying, and the working environment that surrounds it, incase I ever want to make a complaint.

You sound lovely, glad the drugs are working.

That sounds like a really toxic workplace. I think I would write your resignation letter to the actual owner, citing list of reasons why it is a toxic workplace. How you tried to deal with it to the manager, which made the situation even worse. Then leave

This saddens me so much TBH The "sisterhood" well and truly made a mockery of by a few sad shallow women who seem "put out " by someones work patterns! My Mum worked in a small office and used to cry after a day at work (also P/T) .Thought it had died out but apparently not .I feel very fortunate that I am a SAHM and have been for some years .However this must happen quite a lot, and there should be more action taken with these complaints .

The manager is awful! In fairness, she is awful to pretty much everyone. So it was easy for the everyone else to snigger when she made that remark to me because it wasn't them that time that was being made a full off, it was someone else. Annoyed that she is off on Monday, as I don't work Monday's, but I think she's off Tuesday too. Yay

I'd whack my phone up on my desk and record the room whenever I left/came back to demonstrate the difference. Every time. Go for constructive dismissal and a payout ... think you'll have earned it.

Thank you 3dogs2cats

DottieDoodah - people really don't like parents/guardians seeming to get an extra 5 minutes out of work that them. I don't get paid, or take them as holidays, when I take random days off to be with my ward. I'm sure colleagues will know this, but it still doesnt stop (when they were talking to me) snide comments about how may holidays do you have left, your ward must e so much hard work. I had days off here and there when my mum became ill and the trauma that that entailed, but that was ok, everyone was nice. But with my ward, it seems they think I'm getting something I don't deserve.

I second going for constructive dismissal. You need to find out what the law is and follow it to the T. I seem to think you have to raise a grievance before you can go for constructive dismissal (I could be wrong) and so for that you need evidence. Keep a diary of everything and speak to your manager again. I would raise a grievance against her for her shitty behaviour and her failure to protect you - she has a duty of care toward you and that includes your mental health.

Contact your union/ACAS as well or an employment lawyer to find out where you stand.

As you are leaving anyway I would raise seven types of hell to really piss them off.

Afterwards, I second leaving rotten prawns under a square of carpet near a heater just before you leave. They deserve a lot more.

I really feel for you. I had a manager start freezing me out years ago, funnily enough also came to a head over childcare issues. She is really manipulative and excellent at playing 'head games'. Made it her absolute mission to make me look like a psycho and turn everyone against me (I ended up on medication too she nearly tipped me over the edge). I've moved departments since and no longer have childcare issues. Gradually people are starting to see what she is really like, fortunately I rarely have to see her now but she still makes me feel really uncomfortable and things with colleagues aren't the same, however I need to work and like you I'm too old to deal with the crap (medication definitely helps 😁). Sadly I work full time but just get my head down, do the work and go home to my family and friends.
Good luck whatever you decide to do and remember that you are the (much) better person in all of this.

A few people have said to record them. To be honest, the tablets are helping but 'm really really not sure hearing them bitch about me will be good for my mental health at all! that might set me back.

They are happy ignoring me. I'm happy (now) being ignored, because the end is in sight and I'm an on the happy pills!

It is unlikely that I am going to go for constructive dismisal - life has battered and bruised me the past few years. Mine and DH's parents have had serious health issues and are no longer with us. My mum died a couple of months ago, one week after going into a home. She was 87. Ive had major rows with siblings since then, and DH and I have been short with each other for ages. Then this crap on top of it all. No wonder I needed the pills.

I am so lucky that I can leave, that I am in a financial position where I can walk way and that is helping greatly too. I don;t want any more agro or stress in my life. DH and I always talked about when re retire we would get a canal boat - we've just started talking about that again and after Christmas , if we are in a better place emotionally, we will start to look into this more.

Walking away is the best option for me and my health. It really is. DH feels like they are getting away with this crap, but I'm shedding it like a skin as the ensuing issues taking them to court - just not worth it for me.

I have a project that I'm working on for a super lovely client, that will finish in the next few weeks and then I will bide my time until then.

That is really a horrible situation, op. I'm surprised you can stand it, I'd have found another job in your position. You're extremely brave and your colleagues are plain nasty (including manager).