Colleagues ignoring me - taking bets on how long they can keep it up

[skiddley]

Just that really. Started tail end of last year, all ok. This summer I got my hours a little bit redjusted to for childcare issues and that's when the fun started. Little snipes here and there. I had a day off and came back to being ignored. Only spoken to about work and only the briefest of replies if I asked anything else. They would chat, when I joined in, that was the chat over.

I spoke to my manager to say I was feeling left out. Her response was flat denial rather than caring. She asked for examples, all my examples were shit cos I was caught on the hop (I shouldn't have been, that was my fault) but I did mention no one ever has asked if I had a nice weekend.

Following Monday, she passes round the work and jokes shell need to give me less as illl be so busy telling everyone about my weekend. Cue lots of sniggerring. The y had obviously gone and told them what I'd said. That week was awful and I went off sick. 4 weeks later, I am pumped full of citalopram and I'm loving it. Came back to work last week andnot one person has asked me if I'm feeling better . No one is speaking at all. Therr is a total silence the whole time I'm in. Chat goes on when j go to the loo, stops when I'm back.

I'm being perverse but I am loving it. I am waiting to see how long they continue to ignore me cos I'm loving the silence. I work tuesday to Thursday so they can chat alm the like those days but right now I am wondering if they will take this right up to xmas. Thay is going to be a fun Christmas lunch

If you don’t need the money just walk out and send your boss a text message saying you’ve left and won’t be going back. No job is worth being treated like this.

Hi,
Just interested in how you say 'too old for this' and mortgage paid off indicated to me that you're mature so not quite sure about 'childcare issues'.....sorry if I'm missing something here or being thick!

Feel for you though they sound horrible.

I think she meant she wasn't a school child, and that an inheritance had helped pay off the mortgage.

Glad you’re thinking of leaving at Xmas OP. It is bullying. And yes you’d think that they’d be too old for school playground shit. I try and rise above my ‘ignoring’ woman - it is difficult though and does take me back to mean girls at school. But I try and see it as training for me - the learning not to give a shit attitude. When I was younger I was a real people pleaser and wanted everyone to like me, now in middle age I am getting better, it’s not easy though. I envy people with broad shoulders who can just sail through life honestly not giving a shit, I’m still a work in progress - but am channeling my inner (and outer) grumpy old woman. Getting easier

Mylittlerobin - I’m mature, over 50 and have childcare issues, I have an 8 year old so have to work around school clubs, pick ups etc. (Single mum too) Had children much later in life than many - I’ve been taken for my DD’s grandma before!

Never heard anything like it ! Really nasty stuff this. They shouldn't really be getting away with this shit ! Like others have said, log it all and take it further. I know you're ok about it but you are effectively being forced out. Make the bastards sorry.

As you are thinking of leaving some time soon you are in the best position to have a lot of fun with this.
They are bullies of the worst kind -cravenly following the leader ( manager I presume) because of some failing that wasnt even personal to them.
So yes - if they chat while youre out then you can pop in and out like a jack in the box.

Or conversely dont go out at all for the whole of your shift. Do overtime .
Make copious notes very obviously when you do come back to sit at your desk and look around as if you are noting down each person. Make eye contact with each one in an expressionless sort of way as you do this.
Yes to the lottery thing once you do decide to leave. Throw yourself into the acting part . The joy in your voice will be real if you imagine how they are squirming because you are definitely not going to be treating them now .
Are you friendly with anyone else in an adjoining office /department? You could be GREAT friends with them - doing the animated chat and laugh then a whispered conversation while looking at your colleagues.
Make a list of people to contact about the bullying and leave on your desk. Head it workplace harassment . Start with HR and work your way up with ticks to indicate contacted.
Leave this government site open when you leave your desk

If you don't need a reference from them and don't need to work for much longer I'd be inclined to work up until Christmas, walk out, and just not go back. No word to anyone. Don't tell them you're doing it, nothing about the lottery, just leave. They'll be left with your workload and possibly a tiny bit of guilt at the way they have acted. I wouldn't even text the manager. Just go. Knowing you can do that should get you through the next few weeks.

Re childcare, I dont look after a biological child (too old) but got a complex family so I am guardian to a family members daughter. Long and complex story but she is my rock at the moment. I would come home crying and she would give me the biggest cuddle. Amazing.

No one knows about the inheritance but I am loving the lottery idea!!! Love it. Very tempted. The idea is tha r I'm just my coming back after xmas. Email will be sent during the holidays. And a mental email that I'll never send that says get to fuck bitches. I dont need the reference but still, not stooping to their level.

Re citalopram, they work being bitches was really just the final straw. Probably should have been on it years ago. I feel like I'm on speed

Id be bursting right out that toilet shouting at the top of my lungs " OH DONT STOP BEING BITCHES ON ACCOUNT OF ME!" and watch all their faces fall to the floor.

In all honesty not a chance in hell would I let any one belittle me or embarrass me in that manner especially in the work place. Poor you OP. I hope you find the strength to either leave or stand up to them

Don't forget to leave a few perishable items (preferably fish) hidden when you leave.

Definitely tape them - maybe even play it back to them.

Ah seen the update - changes everything.
You’ve got to have some fun with the lottery idea ( genius 😂) over the next few weeks, don’t stop talking about it at work even when they ignore you, be super excited all the time and talk about how you’re planning surprises to treat all your friends etc. Then on the last day take in a crappy pack of Haribos or a beaten up box of Celebrations for them all to enjoy 🥳
The next few weeks could be so much fun .

I really think you should write a letter to the owner, telling them why you're leaving.

It's terrible that people can treat you like that and that your manager enables it.

The lottery idea. Get your DH in on it and get him to ring you and tell you he just check the numbers and you won the lottery. Right before christmas.

Thank goodness you have a get out card.

I've had to stick up with a few people at work over the years who've been bullied. I try and encourage them to report it but they rarely do.

Am so glad you can tell them where to stick their job. I'd definitely hint at lotto win. Let them overhear you 'talking' to someone about it

You are handling this so well. I had this from a long standing member of a team I managed. It was a dreadful situation to put the rest of the team in, and undermined me as a manager. She was so contrary, if I put the lights on in order to open up the facility she would switch them off. Our shift pattern meant we had to work four hours together every week, just the two of us. She would walk away if I came near her, would literally refuse to reply, even if I asked her about work, had she completed something etc, and for the last half hour of the shift she would stand with her back to me, looking up at a huge clock on the wall and just walk out as the hand got to the hour mark. So H&S issues for lone working.

After best part of a year of this, when I had involve senior management And escalated to HR , she came in one morning, all bright and smiley, asked if I wanted a cup of tea? I didn’t drink it, I was too worried about what was in it!

I didn’t stay there much longer, but my mental health And self esteem suffered. I would say if you can afford it and don’t need a job in the next few years then get out at the worst possible time for them. You could be off of work sick during your notice period. Are you asked to work a couple of day over Christmas/New Year? If so I would leave before that, so they have to make up your time between them.

Being clearly totally unbothered by the situation and happy is easily the best revenge. They must be feeling really frustrated.

If you can find it amusing rather than upsetting then a) fair play to you and b) it's an excellent way of getting your own back. Bullies want to see you hurt and upset, if you display cheerful indifference, it really annoys them.

What a nasty bunch.
Can't believe you are having the strength to rise above it!

Ugh it's the same wherever you go. If it wasn't you OP it'd be someone else.

I'll be starting out as a mature student with two kids, not at all wanting to live the "student life" at all, just knuckle down, get home to my kids, and get qualified. Sure I'm going to be popular!

I really do hope you have luck in finding somewhere new where you'll be appreciated.

I really think you should write a letter to the owner, telling them why you're leaving.

^I would do this too

Long and complex story but she is my rock at the moment. I would come home crying and she would give me the biggest cuddle. Amazing.

Right this makes me really mad. How dare they treat you like this, you sound lovely. Once, in one of my very first jobs, I temped in an insurance company, and the permanent staff were absolute arseholes - relentless comments by this arsehole guy, including comments on someone's pubes that he could once see when she sat cross-legged doing filing, comments on my underarm stubble when I wore a vest one day (he obviously had some sort of hair phobia/fetish) who was backed up by a coven of giggling bitches. Can you tell I'm still bitter after 20 years? Two other temps just walked out, but because I was very naive and far too nice I negotiated an exit with my agency, and even fucking brought cakes in on my last day for the fuckers. I regret it so much and dearly wish I had just told them all what I thought of them. Or licked the cakes.

Anyway I tell you this in solidarity. There are bullies everywhere and if you're the one getting bullied it means you're a good guy because they always home in on the people who they know are too nice to stand up to them. Also, they're jealous.

The silence will be boring as anything for them so keep it up if you can and keep your head high.

But if it bothers you at any stage there should be someone you can complain to. What a complete bunch of bitches!

They don't just sound 'like' bullies, they are bullies. Ostracising is classic bullying behaviour. Good to hear you have an escape route OP.

In your shoes I'd be so tempted (but probably wouldn't) to drop an envelope onto the desk of one of the Mean Girls on your way home on your last day. Inside the envelope would be a letter, and another envelope tightly fastened up with Sellotape. The letter would say "bye everyone, I've come into some cash so I'm not coming back after Christmas. I want to share my good fortune so there's some money in the envelope for you all." When they finally successfully fought their way through the tape into the second envelope they'd find a pile of Monopoly money and a second note that said "haha, you really believed I'd give you anything after the pathetic way you've all behaved? You're even more stupid than I thought. Byeeeee!"

I’m going to take a punt

Non professional, low paid, high turn owner and, for want of a better word “dull” and menial work. Yes? Essentially boredom unpleasantness. Sounds awful and exacerbated by poor management.

And OP, another punt, you have struggled with friendships and social groups throughout your life?