If your childminder left your child with their under 16 yr old daughter

[StayClassySally]

Yesterday I dropped DD (8) off at the childminders. The childminders daughter opened the door and it was a quick drop off. As I turned around, I realised that no cars of the childminder or her husband were on the drive. I sat in the car and the childminder drove very quickly on the drive and quickly walked looking very stressed from the car to the house. I realised that the daughter had been in charge for an unknown amount of time of several primary school aged children.

The daughter is in high school herself. Around 15/16.

What would you do? She is one of the best in the area. There are other niggles including her younger daughter being quite nasty to my daughter at times meaning during school holidays DP has to take several days annual leave while still paying for the CM and disorganised annual leave that has screwed me over 2 out of the last three years.

The entrance hall is huge and used as a room so typically you can see the CM. The play room off the entrance so she can be seen from there. The only times there has been any concern beforehand is when she was once on holiday and the assistants looked after all children. This was explained at drop off and once when she was in the kitchen. She may not have been but all cars were there on that occasion. I'd say she popped her head out so I was sure. Until this I had no reason to believe that she wasn't.

I still don't understand why you haven't spoken to her. She drove up before you left. Why didn't you ask her what was going on?

I haven't asked because I assumed I was wrong on the day and waited for DD to confirm last night. Then I spoke to DP. He wasn't happy but said realistically at her age it would be fine. This morning I didn't say anything because I wanted to get other opinions and I don't collect her so next chance is tomorrow am. DDs best friends parents aren't bothered at all. Not even replied.

I text them. They read it. No response.

You said in your original post that you sat in the car and saw the childminder arrive. So you knew that she wasn't there. I still don't understand what's going on here, sorry.

OP, something similar happened to me years ago when my DS was small.

They had a playroom at the bottom of the garden and one morning my DH popped back to find my 18 month old strapped into his night alone. The gate to the garden was open so anything could've happened. The CM was in the house having a wee.

I later found out she also left the younger ones with her cleaner now and then.

I reported her to Oftsed and fuck all happened.

When my DD was born I used a nanny instead.

It was a truly awful situation and I agonized over what else had gone on that I knew nothing about. You have my utmost sympathies especially as I had great trouble finding another CM for him.

I think once you no longer trust someone to look after your child you have to find someone else.

Technically you left your DD with childminders daughter. The childminder did not. You do not know if the childminder rang the other children’s parents and sought permission for this as a one off, if the children were all 8 or over. As a childminder, I wouldn’t do this but it’s not illegal. Although, I do find your statement ‘can you ever trust a childminder’ to be confusing and damaging when most childminders are trying to build a trustworthy reputation, which you are destroying with this statement. Do you tar all primary schools with the same brush. For example, if something happened at DD’s school, would you say that’s it, all schools are untrustworthy. Of course you wouldn’t! Please don’t tar us all with the same brush. If you are not happy and cannot trust the childminder then please look for childcare elsewhere instead of slating all childminders.

The reason she did not seek permission from you was ,perhaps, she thought she’d be back in time or that you’d wait 2 minutes until she was.

If she arrived while you were still in the driveway then it sounds like she was late by a few minutes at most. You are responsible for handing your own child over to a suitable adult!

@HugoSpritz she was in her school uniform and is a school goer. I would say this means she is not employed.

@bohemia14 I saw her pull in as I sat in the car to drive away. I assumed someone else like her husband was in the house at this point. I waited until seeing DD in the evening to ask the question.

@Liverpoolgirl52 I am not basing this on this childminder alone. DD has had three plus a nursery. All have let me down in some way or another. I could list them but it seems pointless.

I was late to the childminders so the fact that she wasn't there is worse. Her allocated time is 8-8.45 when school starts. I have spoken to DDs BF and she was there when he was dropped off and he was not notified that she wasn't going to be. Had I dropped her off on time, she may have not been there for longer or I would have been in DDs BF parents position and been unaware because i couldn't have known.

Again I accept that I am the one that left her with the daughter but fucking hell, she should have been there. Simple. I shouldn't have been in that position and neither should our daughters. I can't be even later for work waiting for her to get back home when she shouldn't have left in the first place.

Sorry but you didn't check the childminder was there, you assumed. I actually can't imagine doing that. I would need to physically see the childminder before leaving my child.

@BumpkinSpiceBatty how can she be late to arrive at her own house? Again, she had other children in her care that she shouldn't have left. I was the one that was late. Not her.

She should have been there, of course she should, but you should have checked.

@HeatedDryer agreed and normally I do but it was a manic morning and I assumed the childminder would've be there as she should be. Why would I ever think she wouldn't be at her childminder setting during childminding hours when she doesn't have an assistant?

Op, you’ve been going on about this all day.,
Just pull your daughter out if you’re that upset.
End of.

You made a lot of assumptions OP. We all have manic mornings but you should have checked. The childminder was in the wrong to do what she did, and I would be looking for a new childminder in your position, but also I would take this as a lesson to physically hand your child over in person, that's just common sense.

@dirtyrottenscoundrel I've been responding to people. Is that not how threads work? Am I supposed to stop responding after an appropriate amount of hours?

@StayClassySally cm's do have to leave occasionally in an emergency, to take a child to hospital etc, attend a emergency medical appointment for herself etc. She may have sorted this with the parents of the children who were there, her husband or another suitable assistant may have been in charge and she planned to be back before you dropped off which is why you weren't aware.
You won't know any of this unless you speak directly to the cm and ask her to explain. I also wouldn't take a eight year old child's account as 100% truth.

She sounds pretty disorganised OP and I would look for somewhere else for your DD. I would be cross about the late booking of annual leave and I would be cross that she wasn't at home when you dropped off.

The problem is often finding a CM that has availability and can drop/collect from your school. We only have one near us (who is lovely luckily) but if not you're relying on wraparound care at school which is notoriously oversubscribed.

I think you’re getting a hard time OP. I let my dc, at a similar age to your dd, walk into school from the car alone. Due to the odd set up at the school entrance you can’t see that the school doors are open or that the teachers are there. I trust they will be because it’s a school day, my dc are expected to be there and nobody has told me otherwise. You were in the same situation - you had a session booked and nobody told you not to attend. They have your contact details. If the childminder’s dd isn’t allowed to mind your child she should not have opened the door to you or accepted your child without letting you know her mum wasn’t there. I’m finding all these accusations of you not caring for your dd a bit odd in these circumstances. If you left her on the doorstep of the childminder’s empty house they might have a point!

@BumpkinSpiceBatty you're right. I do of course take my 8 year olds account with a pinch of salt. The reason she stated which I put in one of my many posts seems quite unjustified and she could have just got a taxi for this person she normally drops off at her nursery. I assume it's an adult non driving worker. However, another update states that one other set of parents were unaware. So she definitely didn't ok it with them.

@Myshinynewname thank you

I'd have pulled my child out after the holiday fiasco. You didn't have to accept her saying that she would leave your child with an unknown CM to go on holiday. The fact is she gave you less notice than her contract states and you could have insisted she fulfil the terms or not paid her. She is self employed and she wrote her own contract - there's really no excuse for her not adhering to the terms she set.
I think she's totally taking the piss. And of course you should be able to leave your child at the designated time and expect the cm to be on the premises, whether you saw her or not. It doesn't matter who else is in the house - you are paying her!