Insta-Mum Drama

[rosybell]

Is there already a thread about the instamum dramas involving MoD today?

@Wemake she called CB "aggressive" which we all know is a word used primarily against black women.

Reading that comment, I know that writing "aggressive" and "using the race card" in the same sentence is racism plain and simple

just white ignorance

I’m sorry but that is such a lame racism excusing thing to say. There is absolutely no way an educated woman who through her work as a midwife has been exposed to all races and creeds and walks of life could possibly hide behind the excuse of ‘ignorance’

If FOD really didn't know about this, I don't know how their marriage could go back to being how it was before. Finding out that your wife has some dubious racist views that she has publicly aired, and also damaged your joint lucrative brand by engaging in spiteful and completely unnecessary online behaviour must be a hard pill to swallow. Not to mention the embarrassment for the older children. Very sad state of affairs for the Hooper family, and what was it all for?

If he genuinely didn't know, his response is wholly inappropriate. Surely if he believed that trolls commenting on their online lives had led his wife into such a toxic cul de sac, he would take stock and reassess the whole model, not assert his determination to continue on as before. It doesn't make sense

@wemake - what is the difference between 'white ignorance' and 'racism'? In your question you imply these are different. When they are not. White people being allowed to be ignorant of the offence a statement makes is the very embodiment of structural racism.

There is a very interesting discussion on 'the next question' about all this: www.tnqshow.com/watch

Btw white ignorance is racial bias and racism. We all make errors but this is bigger than that. CH refuses to do the work (anti-racism) as so many others do, not being racist is not enough (clearly by her comment(s) on that site)

Believing your (as in a white person's) experience/views/opinions trump the actual lived experience(s) of a Black/POC is not just ignorance when the very people who are in charge of care/schools/etc are continuing the cycle that needs to be dismantled.

Okay, “aggressive” I’ll take.

Samosaurus - I know what you’re saying, but I am not white and my husband is. Occasionally he’ll say things like “if I were your aunt I’d learn English” (she’s lived in England for 50 years and can’t speak English). He’s being ignorant because he’s seeing the world through his very privileged white lens. When I explain, he concedes. He’s not being racist. Sometimes people are just ignorant or clumsy or struggle to see things without their privileged, white gaze. And sometimes people are racist. But not always. I wanted clarity!

Griefmonster - I’ll watch that, thank you. Perhaps there isn’t a nuance.

BlackMUMba - Believing your (as in a white person's) experience/views/opinions trump the actual lived experience(s) of a Black/POC is not just ignorance when the very people who are in charge of care/schools/etc are continuing the cycle that needs to be dismantled. I strongly agree with you.

@wemake I suppose there are example that are genuine ignorance, especially in the older generations unfortunately, but Clemmie is a supposedly switched on 30something with a job that entails working with a diverse group of people. In her case if by some bizarre reason it was just a case of ignorance then she would have posted the comments on her main feed, not on her formerly anonymous troll account.

Samosaurus - yep she obviously felt free to let her real opinions (as do we all on anon forums) flow on Tattle!

I hope she does read this and see that she has work to do. Not in protecting her brand, but in the way she perceives the world.

@Wemake it's a very thin line to be honest as like you said the white gaze/lens has perpetuated the notion that speaking English to a certain standard is a sign of education and class

Essentially, it is racist ideology that somehow speaking English means something of note.

I'm glad you challenge your husband as most times it has to start with those closest to us (as hard as it is), and your aunt sounds like she's done just fine not having learned English (to whatever standard)

On a separate note & probably off topic, the whole mumfluencers thing who are supposed to be representing "us" & have a platform & have repeatedly reduced criticism of transparency etc to #not
raisingwomenup #lettingdownthesisterhood has been exposed as bitchy, backstabbing, uber competitive & fake. That doesn't represent the women or mothers I know.

@BlackMUMba thank you for your clear, nuanced commentary on this, I appreciate it

If FOD really didn't know about this, I don't know how their marriage could go back to being how it was before. Finding out that your wife has some dubious racist views that she has publicly aired, and also damaged your joint lucrative brand by engaging in spiteful and completely unnecessary online behaviour must be a hard pill to swallow. Not to mention the embarrassment for the older children.

Whose to say that the views expressed by his wife came as a surprise? They may both hold those views for all we know.

@kittlesticks agree, it's a great book. Would highly recommend it to anyone who hasn't read it. I just feel that MOD's behaviour is far more problematic, as I know most of us are willing to forgive a one-off slip of the tongue/ stupid moment, which this blatantly isn't.

BlackMUMba - second what sausages says! It’s difficult, isn’t it? I almost think I only recently “woke up” myself.

Will always challenge my husband or friends, they love me for it . And it helps us all, as you say. (And yes, my aunt is one tough lady. Came here penniless and pregnant. Started up a business which she still runs to this day - despite not speaking English. Her kids are now grown up and successful in their own right. Amazing lady.)

CH should definitely take this as a wake-up call to examine herself. Perhaps other insta-mums who are following this saga might do the same? Not just to be careful where they post their opinions, but look at why they might have them in the first place.

@Siousesoo - I'm interested in how MOD was outed too. Surely the only way to ID a Tattle poster is to know all IP addresses that they've posted from?

So was it MOD who reported CB to her sponsors so they would drop her for her past job?

I'm assuming stuff went on behind the scenes & MODs hands were forced as I wouldn't imagine Tattle actually outed her & apparently posters on there suspected months ago.

There's a post from a VIP member on page 28 of that tattle thread. Interesting.

@SiousieSoo @HowlsMovingBungalow are you worried about your own personal data on Tattle after commenting there?

I can't see how it's really relevant except to try and divert blame from MOD to Tattle. Tattle is obviously a very amateur website and I myself would never set up an account with them, as I would be a little wary of sharing my details with an anonymous forum.

Pm

Nah, not worried as I was banhammered and never returned as a signed up member again.
True about it being amatuerish and not run professionally.

@HowlsMovingBungalow The one re a journalist? I saw that but didn't understand. Perhaps she's pissed a lot of people off?

Now I'm not comparing her to Weinstein or Tiger Woods but how everyone knew about both but weren't in the position to challenge that power. There was a really interesting article some yrs ago on Tiger & IIRC about how he was close to getting outed (was quite brazen around the town with his other women) but agreed to a cover or advert that was owned by a media tycoon which kept the lid on it. The only reason is cheating was published was because of Elen & golf club incident & even then it took a while to break. It tells you a lot about how the media works.

Posters on Tattle are saying that the media aren't portraying the whole story but that's the media, they choose a narrative that fits their agenda & runs with it.

@legoiseverywhere

"It's good the tone of the thread really reflects where we are, it's all gone way out of control and been twisted into something it never was. I wouldn't have talked about the posts from the suspect account if I knew it would blow up to this. It was embrassing and funny, nothing huge and there's loads of suspect posters on tattle that probably are infuencers. She's just become a target for people to vent at and use to boost their following"

Oh right. I saw that & just assumed that when posters on there were discussing whether MOD was also there but using aliases they had no idea how it would blow up or if it was even true & felt bad.