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My crazy life

106 replies

Ohdearieme1987 · 02/11/2019 22:48

So- my life is crazy and way out of balance. For background, I work 60plus hours a week, as does my Husband. We also have a 3.5 daughter. But our life is totally mad- neither of us can cut down hours ( I own my business) and my husband is a director of another company. We have a cleaner and someone to help with the ironing. But still everyday is a struggle- my clothes are dirty or wrong and I eat badly. My house is a mess, my social life is dire and it’s all a bit too much. Anyone have any ideas/ advice/ anything?!

OP posts:
PegasusReturns · 02/11/2019 23:49

Also have cleaner change beds and ironing lady put clothes away.

MsPotterPepper · 02/11/2019 23:49

Are you suggesting I shouldn’t go to the gym? Sacrifice myself on the altar of motherhood? Good God!

I know, it's awful to have to prioritise your child's needs above your own.

Ohdearieme1987 · 02/11/2019 23:49

What needs Pepper?

OP posts:
Helmlover1 · 02/11/2019 23:50

I know some people at my place of work who do 12 hour shifts and they literally go home, eat (or sometimes don’t because it’s so late by the time they get back) and then go to bed. These are mostly child-free people who still live at home with their parents so don’t have to worry about feeding/entertaining kids, cleaning up etc- so if they are living in a zombie-like state, barely managing, then I really don’t know how you and your husband are coping OP.

Ohdearieme1987 · 02/11/2019 23:50

Pegasus- that’s a good idea! She leaves them hanging on doors at the minute- terrified of opening the wardrobe perhaps?!

OP posts:
IWorkAtTheCheescakeFactory · 02/11/2019 23:50

Fwiw OP my mum worked 60+ hours a week and martyred herself at home with the cleaning and cooking etc. She was always stressed. She bloody should have had a hobby and a social life.

Ohdearieme1987 · 02/11/2019 23:52

Thank you cheesecake. FWIW, I’m really starting to agree!

OP posts:
TryingAndFailing39 · 02/11/2019 23:53

@MsPotterPepper FFS go away. Perhaps you’ve had a drink this evening or you’re just feeling brave behind your keypad today, but you’re being a dick and you’ve been called out by a lot of posters.
Lots of women work and OP posted a specific question which you took as permission to attack her. It doesn’t make you big or clever, it makes you judgemental and the repeated nature of your posts makes you a bully. Go away!

MsPotterPepper · 02/11/2019 23:53

You don't think a child needs a reasonable amount of good quality time and engery directed at them?

MsPotterPepper · 02/11/2019 23:54

Fine, I shall leave the thread. I do hope the OPs child doesn't resent her parents in the future though.

CanICelebrate · 02/11/2019 23:54

@MsPotterPepper omg give it a rest Confused

Ohdearieme1987 · 02/11/2019 23:55

What do you define as “good quality” and a reasonable amount?

OP posts:
minesagin37 · 02/11/2019 23:56

You sound bonkers op. Try calming down a tad. Yoga? Meditation? It will help with your disorganisation and your anger and stress levels too.

Ohdearieme1987 · 02/11/2019 23:57

Disorganisation and stress yup! Hence why I posted.

OP posts:
Ohdearieme1987 · 03/11/2019 00:00

Again - a really big thank you to all those who have been helpful and lovely. I don’t want to miss all of that because of a few goady posters.

OP posts:
morriseysquif · 03/11/2019 00:01

What about a laundry service? Our washing machine broke down and we had to use the laundrette, oh the joy of a bag of freshly washed and folded clothes! Grin If I had to outsource, it would be this. Do you need a cleaner as much as you are hardly home?

Ohdearieme1987 · 03/11/2019 00:03

You’d think- but the house seems to look very “lived in” even through we are hardly there. Great idea for laundry - I’ll have a look. I’d guess they tumble everything?

OP posts:
lalafafa · 03/11/2019 00:06

Does your partner help? Not being goady, are the domestic duties split equally? Even though you’re rural someone maybe interested if you’re offering flexible hours between the time you’re both at work for 3/4 mornings a week.

IfOnlyOurEyesSawSouls · 03/11/2019 00:08

@Ohdearieme1987 it simply comes down to values.

What are your top values in life ? We are at our most happy when our values align with our lifestyle/ work role.

My values are my children & family , compassion, growth, looking after my physical & mental health, holidays & nature.

I do have a good job but as you can see from my list it isn't something i value highly , which is why i only work 26 hours a week ... to be able to live out my important values.

This makes me happy .
I used to be like you , but i got fed up of just existing.

Balance is really important. Ask yourself honestly is your DC getting the best of you ?

AtrociousCircumstance · 03/11/2019 00:11

Some posters are being horribly judgemental about working parents. And they can surely fuck off.

SandAndSea · 03/11/2019 00:12

OK, so, here are some ideas:

Washing: Get a machine which can take a big load and has a timer. Then, every night, you can programme it to come on in the wee hours, ready for you/DH to peg it out when you get up. Help yourself with this by having towels, bedding etc either all white or all colours. Store bedding in a box under each bed, with whole sets together, so you've always got it there ready. Get rid of all the extraneous bedding/clothes which get in the way and stop all this being easy.

Ironing: Do you really need to do this? (I don't.) If you do, cut it down to the minimum and ask your cleaner to do it.

Clothes: Declutter. Look into capsule wardrobes to simplify all decision making. When you find a classic item which you love, buy a few of them.

Shopping: Order groceries online for delivery. Diarise to do this.

Food: Plan meals, eg. a 2 week rotation. Look into batch cooking and slow cookers.

Working hours: (I mean this genuinely as I have done this myself.) Look at your spending and look at your hours. Does it add up? What I mean is, spending less means you don't have to work so much.

Diarising: Put in everything. Eg. Boiler service - I know my plumber is in demand, so I put it in to book it a month before I need it done. Similarly, if you speak to someone, always record their name, number and brief details.

Birthdays: Sit down every January, go through your birthdays for the year and buy all the cards. When they arrive, write and address them all and store them in date order. Set yourself auto-reminders so you know when to send them.

Declutter & stop letting more stuff come in: I can't tell you how much this has helped me. It makes everything easier.

If you need any help with anything in particular, please ask me.

Ohdearieme1987 · 03/11/2019 00:20

Oh wow! Sand- teach me your ways please! I think my brain is programmed wrong- so scatty!

OP posts:
damnilovejam · 03/11/2019 00:31

One load of washing per day. Get a GOOD washer dryer - think Bosch, Miele.

Gousto or Hello Fresh.

Cleaner twice a week.

Get car cleaned at work - there are plenty of mobile people that will visit workplaces regularly if there's demand.

SandAndSea · 03/11/2019 01:03

Feel free to PM me. I love this stuff! Grin

SandAndSea · 03/11/2019 01:11

Be kind to yourself. You're doing a huge amount.

I've just thought of another:

Anytime you learn of a good tradesperson/service, write it down in your one place that you keep these things. (Eg. address book.) Save it under the name of the service. (Not the person's surname, this makes it all too hard work.) These details are invaluable!