How many friends have you got

[Mumof21989]

I have one mum friend and one friend I met at 18 12 years ago.

I say hi in the street to people from school but all my school friend ships have fizzled out.

I don't have a bestie that I spend heaps of time with anymore.

Just having a thoughtful moment as there's a page opened on Facebook this week for school pictures to be exchanged amongst ex students. Weird looking back to my school days and seeing all the faces I spent most of my life with back then.

7 school friends/best friends that meet up every month, day trips and holidays away.

5 or 6 'dog' friends that I meet with weekly to walk with/nights out etc

3 long term work friends, but only meet up around twice a year

a handful of mum friends that I have coffee/lunch with before or after toddler or baby classes.

I have very little family tho x

None for me. I've never had many close friends but never had none before. I do have (I think) two people outside family that I could call on in a child emergency. But I know them from nursery/play dates.
It's been lonely at times but now I have dd it's been hard finding time and energy to do anything about it.

I find this really interesting, of late I've had the opportunity to make more friends, get to know people and it amazes me how people just don't want to be friendly. I'm not suggesting bussom (sp?) buddies but people appear to struggle with just being friendly when you see each other at a mutual social occasion.
Friends wise, this has me thinking so
3 from school (see each other once a year it's always a lot of fun and I would do anything for any of them)
2 from Uni who I am close to, but don't see that often but can discuss anything when we do
Then a local group of 5 who are long term, all very supportive. Then some more peripheral people. The thing is I find I can throw my friends together in a group and they will all get on well with each other. I love the friends that enrich the different parts of my life and all the different things I enjoy. But I don't suffer fools or take shit, so people know what they see is what they get! It seems to work. I do however have a tendency to watch over my friends try and check all is ok with them, I've occasionally wondered if this put myself out there too much but off late I have had confirmation of how much this is appreciated so I will continue to do so.

2 very close friends from secondary school. 1 I see weekly and the other I see every other day for play dates catch ups etc (live on the same road)

A playgroup "friend" we dont socialise outside of it but always meet each other on the day. And people I say hello to but wouldn't invite round.

Also DPs friends partners but I wouldn't consider them friends as if we split up I wouldn't keep in contact. I find it hard to maintain the level of contact that is sometimes needed with "new friends" I just CBA sometimes and luckily my old friends don't take it personal.

I'm totally with @WallyWallyWally and @joyfullittlehippo

I know people who are always super lovely and smiley to absolutely everyone. They tend to be the ones with lots of friends, or at least the people everyone likes. Nothing wrong there. All I'm saying is these people must be better at hiding their true feelings in order to be nice to everyone, even the ones they meet that arent nice (we all come across them) or they dont notice as much as others do.

Or maybe don't judge as quickly as some other people ?
I can be friends with people that hold different views from myself, even views on what we might consider 'big' issues. I'm not 'hiding my feelings in order to be nice to everyone (except in a work scenario), I just don't condemn people for not being perfect themselves. I am far from perfect (which one of us is?) and therefore I don't expect other people to be perfect. Sometimes people say things that come out wrong. Sometimes people are in a difficult place in their lives at that time - again, who hasn't been grumpy or annoyed or exhausted or drained at some point ?

I do stuff that has been condemned by some posters on here as 'being taken for a mug' or 'letting people walk all over me'. Things that I consider to be perfectly normal way of living, such as having my dcs' friends round without expecting an invitation back (or similarly my friends come to that), or giving someone a lift when I am going to something anyway, again without keeping a tally of numbers of lifts they owe me. I was brought up that it is normal to help someone out a little if you are in a position to do so. Equally, I would be happy to ask for help as and when I need it. I believe in 'community', and that involves getting on with people, which then leads to friendships.

Lol @BackforGood i hear you. Maybe people do think I’m a doormat or hide my true feelings in order to have lots of friends. Not true. I’m pretty good at phasing out people that bring me down. I quoted this somewhere else today: the key is to keep company only with those that uplift you, whose presence calls forth your best. Epictetus.

I would also say, OP, that your question is misleading: it’s not quantity but quality that counts with friends. 1 really good friend is worth 10 so-so acquaintances. I think the difference between me and my introvert friend is how many of these closer, deeper friendships we can sustain at one time. Me - I can easily keep a lot of those kind of relationships going, it’s something I thrive on. After an afternoon with one of my close friends, I feel buzzed, energised: uplifted. My friend? 1 or 2 at most. Her reserves get depleted and she needs to retreat to recharge her batteries for the next encounter.

I know what you mean about not judging and that's a valid point. But I'm not talking about people you choose as friends. I an referring to people you dont want to be friends with and have decided on that. Some people are really good at not showing that they dont like someone and others are not as good at that.

I think some of you are misconstruing my comment about hiding feelings as an insult. It's not a dig about being a doormat or being fake or anything remotely negative. Being able to hide your feelings is an asset from a social point of view.

I'd say 4 close friends who I holiday with & am in touch with most days. 1 long term school friend who I see a couple of times a month/year depending on where she is. I love her but our lives have moved in quite different directions so although she's my oldest friend she's no longer my closest.

2 best
4 more close friends
Couple more I see occasionally

1. 3 I've had since nursery and primary 1, 1 I met at about 13. Don't see her now as she moved. Still see the other 3. One neighbour I would call a friend and that's about it.

I'm not really interested in making new friends. I have met a few people I've liked but just sort of get bored keeping in contact with.

I have been lucky in friendships. I have 8 friends I would trust with my life. One of them I've know my entire life, two I met at 12, two at 19, and two when we moved across the country 6 years ago. I have good friends outside of that who I adore as well.

I did not have a great home life growing up, so I've been fortunate to have friends who have become my family. We host large neighbourhood parties every year as well which is a ton of fun since we don't have family near by.

Dh is the same. Has a group of guys who are like family.

I can't imagine not having friends. I've recently moved to a new area and have been putting a lot of effort into making new friends which has been quite exhausting but I have made a few potential friends. I have moved around quite a lot but my tally of friends is;
2 school friends
4 friends I met through study/work
3 friends I lived with
2 friends from another course
my NCT friends
I have a sister also
I'm pretty lucky but with distance and
work/kids contact is mainly WhatsApp and meet ups when we can.

I meant three at 19! My math doesn't add up above. ;)