How many friends have you got

[Mumof21989]

I have one mum friend and one friend I met at 18 12 years ago.

I say hi in the street to people from school but all my school friend ships have fizzled out.

I don't have a bestie that I spend heaps of time with anymore.

Just having a thoughtful moment as there's a page opened on Facebook this week for school pictures to be exchanged amongst ex students. Weird looking back to my school days and seeing all the faces I spent most of my life with back then.

I don't know!

My oldest friend I've not lived any closer than 2 hrs away from for the last 30 years but we still see each other at least twice a year and ring about once a month. I would love to live back closer to her!

I lived in Midlands, west coast of Scotland, east coast of Scotland, North East and the South west - each for several years so have friends from each of those places but it is hard to keep proper friendships going when you've lived apart for so long. I've only got one friend from uni left now - and I only see her once a year max.

I've got great colleagues several of whom I would say are friends but not close friends - apart form work socialising I don't see them outside of work.

I feel quite lacking in local friends at the moment. Loads of acquaintances but...a lot of moves (including two emigrating) in my friend groups, changes in circumstances and in some cases getting to know people better has meant that several people I would've called friends in the past, even close friends, have slowly become acquaintances. I need to start making more effort I think.

Interesting question to ask as I expected lots of replies of people having loads of close friends but there’s actually a lot of us ‘friendless’ folk out there!

Facebook, instagram etc can sometimes be a friend contest I believe. Look how many friends I have and all the fun things we’ve booked that have to be documented on social media for all to see.

I used to get down about it but I’ve gotten used to it now.

I have zero best friends but many acquaintances.
I was popular at school and in my first job but then I had kids young and due to having no babysitters I slowly lost close contact with my good friends until now, 14 years on I have no one.

Not to play a violin for myself there. I have my OH and DM. I have plenty of people I can chat to in the street or at work.
Just no one to do stuff with or talk about big things with.

I have just one real, true friend. One who I know I could turn to if I ever needed her (and vice versa). We havent known each other for a long time - just over a year.

I have so many acquaintances /mates but wouldn't feel like I could turn to them if I was in trouble.

Back home I have a lot of very good friends, friends that I see each time I travel back to see my family. Probably about 10 really close friends back home.

Where I’m living now I probably have 3 really good friends and then about 5 acquaintances made through baby groups.

One best friend who I'm very close to, i know she would lay her life down for my kids and I hers.

Another 2 friends I've known 36 years, we're close but find it hard to spend much time together as we all have such opposing schedules.

Probably another half dozen people that I'm friends with & socialise with but not exactly close. But we have an absolute blast when we're together.

5 real friends

Then other more superficial people who are more than acquaintances but not real true friends iyswim

4 that I would drop anything for, as individuals, we are not a group. A few more that are mum friends. No close female relatives other than DM.

I have 1. That's all. About 15 years ago I had loads of friends, most petered out, 1 I fell out with and a few I quickly realised were users in one form and another.
I'm a lot happier now, as I'm under no obligation to be anywhere, do anything for anyone and can concentrate on my own family and DC.
Not sure I'd meet any good friends at my age now

I have 10 really close friends 4 of which I went to school with. I then have another 8 who are my partners friends partners but who we socialise with without our partners and also 4 school mum friends who I socialise with.

This is asked on MN a lot.

It must depend on how you define 'a friend'.
I would say I have hundreds of friends - as in people I am friendly with.
I have friends from school, colleagues, friends from hobbies, friends from Church, friends from volunteering, friends I've met though the dc at various things over the decades.
But then I don't 'fall out' with people, or 'end friendships' as I see on here. As life moves on you don't see people as much as you used to, as lots of friends are 'circumstantial friends'. Sometimes, you reconnect with those folk 15 or 20 years on.

None and it makes me so bloody sad!!!!

Competitions that call for you to tag three friends on Facebook ... I can’t enter because I have no one to tag

I have my two best friends from school who are not friends with each other (haven’t fell out just never were). I see them each every 1-2 months. Actually didn’t see one of them for a few years - just life happened - but we got back in touch after a bereavement and I’m so happy we did, picked up where we left off. Quite different relationships but I love them both in a way you only can with someone you share a history with.

A group linked to one of them I see socially a couple of times a year but rarely see/speak to any of them individually. They got close as a group at a time when my life was going in a very different direction.

One old work colleague friend who I see one/twice a month depending on schedules. A couple of other work colleagues from same place, where we all started at the same time, and meet up once or twice a year.

My friend of an acquaintance friend. Neither of us speak to the acquaintance anymore. We were very close for quite a few years even though we live a couple of hours apart, our lives were similar at the time, now they’ve gone in different directions. Occasional texts and a fun get together with cocktails approximately once a year.

A very good friend of 12 years who I see the most and live nearest to. Our kids have grown up together.

A group of old colleagues who are great fun on a night out once or twice a year - probably starting to become less frequent four years after leaving.

Lots of current colleagues I get on well with but don’t socialise with. One who might be becoming a friend.

I have a few other people I’ve lost contact with along the year but who still have a place in my heart and I would be there if they asked without hesitation.

So 5 close friends, 7 social friends, 20+ past/current colleagues, 1 potential friend.

All of my friends are very separate though. They’re all quite different and I feel like they all see a slightly different side to me and honestly would feel some discomfort at the idea of them all being together. I’m aware that’s a bit weird, it’s a confidence thing I think, that’s less of a thing as I get older.

I moved recently and lost most of my old friends and haven't managed to make any new ones. I'm in a bad place really, and terribly lonely.

Someone needs to make a successful dating app for friends. I know there are attempts out there but we need a POF or a Tinder for friends. Where there’s no stigma.

2

None 😌

Honestly - one friend that I would genuinely trust with any problem, and I can count on them to always be honest!
A couple more that I am close to, known them 10+ years.
Plus DH of course!

One best friend I've had since school.

Two close friends, one from college and one from university that I don't see very often (geography being the main issue), but still keep in contact.

A handful of 'mum' friends that I socialise with. I probably see them more than any of my other friends, but not as close with them.

I have a lot of aquantences because my closest friend is a friend collector. I do have 5 people I would call friends, people I can talk to about anything. None of them from school. But this year, through pregnancy and child birth, I've spent most of my time in a fog and sort of shut the world out, I've just started to come back out now, so rebuilding those friendships as I've neglected them all.

3 best friends
And 3 work friends who I meet up with from time to time and chat on fb with.

I don’t think I’m a very good judge of how many friends I’ve got.

I’ve been burned a few times thinking that someone was a close friend but then realising I was nothing to them eg thinking of them as a potential bridesmaid to me but then not even getting an invite to their wedding!

But I do have a few real friends I think!

One from primary school one from high school, 2 from uni, one mum friend, a handful of looser friendships with women with a shared interest. I have colleagues I consider friends but realistically they probably wouldn’t last beyond the workplace.

I don’t feel like I invest enough time in my friendships. Family life is so consuming!

Loads. I am an extrovert, and really, really enjoy people. I determinedly look for the best in them. I’ve been burned a couple of times, but I hope I’ve learned from that without getting jaundiced about people in general.

M’y mum is similar I think. We are not a family that expect to socialise exclusively together. We all get on well, but my mum is not my best friend - she doesn’t want to be, she’s my mum. She always had friends around, and my dad’s sociable too in a quieter way. We used to go camping in a big group of 3-4 families several times a year, and the other families often visited us at home too.

I put a lot of effort into my relationships. It’s worth it, it gives me energy and recharges my batteries. My friends are varied, and they each bring different things to my life.

That sounds smug. It’s not meant to.

Ironically one of my closest friends is totally the opposite to me. She’s an introvert, so she has to psyche herself up for periods of extended contact and interaction - even with me. She’s from a family with a history of depression and anxiety, which had to be kept secret at all costs, and she doesn’t remember her mum having any real friends. Plus they moved every 2-3 years through her childhood so none of them got the chance to make long lasting friendships as they would inevitably have to start all over again. She is, overall, quite suspicious of people: she basically doesn’t trust them very much. And she’s intensely private, she doesn’t let people in easily because she’s quite vulnerable under her fairly chippy exterior.

It’s very hard to go against ones basic nature and the lessons that we learn in childhood. Tbh I think the ability to make and keep friends is down to so many variables, mostly luck.

I only have 2 friends.

I find it really hard to make friends because I have an aversion to asking questions.

So I can't ever ask someone if they want to meet up, or go for a coffee or exchange numbers. I know it sounds weird but I just can't ask people for stuff. It's really held me back in jobs too. I'm very self sufficient though.

This is really interesting to read. I would say I have two close friends ,about a dozen not so close friends who I enjoy their company and lots of acquaintances.
I grew up in a very small household (mum and sister and not much other family) and my mum does not have many friends. I also moved alot so never had long term friends. I didn't really 'get' that people stayed in touch until I was in my 20s. . I like my own company and have more introverted tendencies so I'm not fussed about having lots of friends.

I also find alot if people are to be quite honest, not that nice. I'm curious to know whether those with lots of friends find the same and they don't see it or just hide their feelings better?

One of my DDs is like me and very cautious of people and keeps her friendship grroup small and close. But the other DD has a much wider group of friends. I always thought she was oblivious to people making spiteful comments / being a bit crap or whatever else. But actually I think she does notice but is better at hiding her feelings about them and keeping the friendship going . It was only when she left her secondary school that she told me she didn't particularly like several 'friends' but pretended to in order to keep the peace. Whereas DD1 and I wouldn't have been able to hide our feelings and would have stayed away from them.

Basically, I wonder if the secret to lots of friends (if that's what you want ) is to be better at not reacting to people who are being arses.