Mumsnet the musical

[sashh]

Ok it's silly O'clock so my brain is doing weird loops and I just thought, what if mumsnet was a west end show?

There would need to be songs about

Parking
Woo
some mystery eg a locked safe, 3am man, disappearing ironing board
AIBU would be a chorus number
Wooly hugs would be a soulful sad song with an uplifting chorus.

What else?

Who would play Justine?

Would there be a plot or would it be a game of Mornington Crescent?

Scenes or lines would need to be deleted on regular basis, to give it authenticity.

So there would be lots of aggrieved feelings, rolling of eyes and shrugging of shoulders, as we get to opening night.

There would be interwoven thread story lines and a hunt for the troll with a funny sock puppet number.

Someone would find a shopping list and sing about naice ham.

Someone behind the scenes will flounce occasionally.

I will survive - LTB!

I am up late too and can totally imagine this musical. I can imagine an actor trying to unsuccessfully park a car on the stage and a gospel choir singing “Draw us a diagraaaam” in the background. Same gospel choir would be pointing dramatically and singing “Yes you are! Yes you are!” during the AIBU number (which was made up of the most ridiculous of things that makes the poster indeed, BU).

Justine could be played by Anne Widdecombe! No real reason other than I think it would be funny 😂 Anne looking down on everyone and makes banned users scrawl lines into their skin in order to get unbanned. Like the Professor Umbridge character from Harry Potter (please don’t ban me)

There would need to be a reprise in the middle, a slow, sad song, maybe another AIBU moment where the gospel sings “YANBU” to a sympathetic OP, where they are all dressed in white and swaying side to side rhythmically.

Old Korean woman would feature throughout not saying much but providing an air of much needed tranquility, nodding at appropriate times.

There could be a horror moment in the Sistine Chapel when a lifesize version of the scary Easter bonnet thing descends on the actors (and audience) to terrify everyone while a lady screams and the extras look at her in a nonplussed kind of way.

I am totally invested in this OP and think it would make a great musical. I would actually pay to see it! But I’m going to try again and get some sleep as I think it’s well needed

There will be a soft play scene for sure!!

It could turn into an audience participation in a similar way to Rocky Horror, the audience would chant, "Cancel the cheque" and draw parking diagrams.

Oh, and shout..cheeky fucker....at appropriate times.

BritishHorrorStory

Whatever you on I want some!

Omg this would be so good.

Or x rated as to how many dildos and vibrators are left in view of parents/neighbours/window cleaners....and how many swapped in baby clothes hand me downs.
Cue toddler running around shouting I've got a wiggly one!! But its not doing anything!

Other toddler switches vibrator on and says.....mine does... and frightens the cat. But maybe pleases the dog......🤷‍♀️

Men in lycra sneaking off to do their secret hobby cycling. MILs brandishing rolling pins.

Oh, and something to do with hedge boundaries!

And the unforgettable line that goes something like. ' Foxes? I can't remember a fox asking for a finger up its arse '. 🤣

Sorry, I'm trying to decide on spray mop, but this thread has got me reminiscing and snorting.

There would have to be a whole song dedicated to zoflora and loo brushes.

There would be a number involving child actors singing and dancing, a bit like in Oliver!, called 'Why has my Mummy Got Fur On Her Bottom?"

Scene: a busy loo in M and S.

Toddler running amok in aisles and pointing to gin, shouting......that's mummy's drink!!

OK

Act one: Justine's dream, Justine sings about her dream of helping other mums by starting a website. Towards the end she is joined by a small group of women wearing the same scarf with the same haircut. They add their own dreams of a sparkling toilet without using a brush, or finding a replacement soft toy and having a child free wedding.

The YABU chorus arrives to tell the last arrival they are selfish. She responds with the refrain, "my wedding begging song"

Here’s my effort - a ballad to keep DHs and DPs out of Mumsnrt.

Justine, Justine, Justine, Justine
I'm begging of you please don't take my man
Justine, Justine, Justine, Justine
Please don't take him just because you can
Your website is beyond compare
With flaming fights and LOLs to share
Baby threads and style and beauty too
The advice is like a breath of spring
Bit harsh at times, but here’s the thing
Netmums can’t compete with you
Justine
I think about you in my sleep
Those classic thread that made me weep
And often I’ve yelled LTB too
Justine
And I can easily understand
How this website could tempt a man
AIBU to ask say no to him
Justine
Justine, Justine, Justine, Justine
I'm begging of you please don't take my man
Justine, Justine, Justine, Justine
Please don't take him just because you can
Etc etc

The scenery could be very 21st century and is basically a digital backdrop where diagrams and shopping lists appear

We’d have to include The Dance of The Penguin Bollards and something (although God only knows what) about Ron from Huddersfield and a Yoni Massage

HULL! Not Huddersfield

A whole ensemble dance scene about the different thread topics-Gardening, Style and Beauty etc. Maybe something about the "birth of topics" with Call the Midwife style midwives. .?