Mumsnet the musical

[sashh]

Ok it's silly O'clock so my brain is doing weird loops and I just thought, what if mumsnet was a west end show?

There would need to be songs about

Parking
Woo
some mystery eg a locked safe, 3am man, disappearing ironing board
AIBU would be a chorus number
Wooly hugs would be a soulful sad song with an uplifting chorus.

What else?

Who would play Justine?

Would there be a plot or would it be a game of Mornington Crescent?

The costumes would all be in the best possible taste, thanks to the regulars from Style & Beauty, and of course the sets would be painted in Farrow & Ball shades.
Occasionally during the performance the auditorium would be spritzed with a fine mist of a Zoflora fragrance!

Well, back in 2012.... www.mumsnet.com/Talk/mumsnet_classics/1550739-The-Norty-Puddlehumpers-present-MUMSNET-THE-MUSICAL?pg=1&order=

Thanks spiderlight!

@sashh yes you’re absolutely right. It was Brian from Hull not Roy from Huddersfield . I’m getting it all mixed up with the brilliant CatThiefKeith’s Janet and Roy Christmas round robins. God, they were fab. Keith is missed.

The poo shows brown on the toilet tonight,
Not a toilet brush to be seen.
A throne of splattered porcelain and it looks like I’ve to clean.
The wind was howling like a brewing storm inside
Couldn’t hold it in, heaven knows I tried.

Don’t let MIL in, don’t let her see.
Be the good wife you seem to have to be.
Conceal, don’t hurl, don’t let them knowwww
But now they knowww

Toilet brush, toilet brush. I am one with the gloves and bleeeach
Toilet brush, toilet brushhh you’ll help to stop the screech
I DONT CARE WHAT MUMSNET SAY. LET THE BRUSH SCRUB ONNNNNN

The germs never bothered me anyway.

Sung to the tune of Frozens.. Let It Go.

After that demo can I please be the songwriter?

There's plenty more where that came from

And a penis beaker prop somewhere

There will be a soft play scene for sure

You need to go see the Scummy Mummies show. They're comedians who have a podcast that's like a spoken word version of Mumsnet and their show includes sketches, songs etc, including one called 'I fucking hate soft play'

Shut your fucking face - cheeky fucker 😂😂😂😂😂

Will there be a part for a member of MNHQ to pop up every now again and say "ahem" and "peace and love?"

Every ten minutes or so a man appears on stage and painstakingly explains what has just happened.

Meanwhile outside of the theatre a group of blue-haired youths hold a demonstration calling on the production to be banned.

Just Say No (for CF threads)

Ohh can Vicky Pepperdine be it and Julia Davis

There is a side plot about a MNer with an utterly useless bellend husband, with a literal chorus of LTBers.

At the end she leaves him and everyone cheers.

I vote that ShowYourselfLucifer should be our official songwriter, with lots of input from unofficial ones,natch

A main character could be called Zoe Flora and there could be a song about Facebook tat.

@Katinski Why, thank you!

There needs to be a panto version with an actual troll that people have to chuck biscuits at.
A scene based in a house in Mexico?
A ballad entitled “no is a complete sentence”.
Another troll enters and says “it’s twins and I didn’t know until I delivered them”
Audience only allowed to wear skinny jeans and Breton tops (and the elusive mumsnet scarf)
GOT to be a smug poncey Christmassy number about how all gifts are ethically sourced and bought and wrapped in August...

@MashedSpud

I've got wax melts and candles a plenty
I've got zoflora and Hinch stuff galore
You want nappycakes?
I've got twenty...

Just imagine

Poo crumbs and penis beaker- the musical!!!!!

The audience could be issued with biscuits to lob at the stage when Brian appeared.

@FavouriteSoul
Will there be a part for a member of MNHQ to pop up every now again and say "ahem" and "peace and love?"

Yes, and for some unfortunate folks who pay to watch the show, they can't, because the show is closed while MNHQ check what's going on behind the scenes.

Someone must snap and fart as the interval curtain falls

smiley that made my laugh out loud. One of the characters needs to have a Mexican holiday home and neighbours who disappear for a few weeks every summer.

And wistful tear jerking rose tinted song entitled "it's not like it was in the old days"