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Original poster

Mumsnet the musical

84 replies

sashh · 21/10/2019 03:07

Ok it's silly O'clock so my brain is doing weird loops and I just thought, what if mumsnet was a west end show?

There would need to be songs about

Parking
Woo
some mystery eg a locked safe, 3am man, disappearing ironing board
AIBU would be a chorus number
Wooly hugs would be a soulful sad song with an uplifting chorus.

What else?

Who would play Justine?

Would there be a plot or would it be a game of Mornington Crescent?

OP posts:
rugbychick1 · 21/10/2019 08:01

With Christmas 2 months away do we need to include the round robin letter? The names of the couple involved escapes me at the moment

Redshoesandtheblues · 21/10/2019 08:02

07:15HerculesTheBercules

I could sing that to the original. Well done!
Made me snort and lose my internet mop all ov
er again.

Redshoesandtheblues · 21/10/2019 08:04

If we go for country/abba theme......im sure we can shoe horn reference to mexican house thief.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Theatre
BruceAndNosh · 21/10/2019 08:07

There should be a line down the middle of the stage, and people have to wear shoes on one side, and remove them on the other

MIdgebabe · 21/10/2019 08:10

Do we need "if I were a rich mum" sung by someone dripping in jewels and high fashion,

It has to be some kind of duet with a different song sung by someone who manages to make 2.59 feed her family for a week , perhaps "I feel lucky"

HerculesTheBercules · 21/10/2019 08:10

Thanks @Redshoesandtheblues

rarejuicegoose · 21/10/2019 08:12

There would be a row of actors at the back all clutching pearls, shacking there heads in shame, occasionally tutting and shouting YABU every two minutes

IfNot · 21/10/2019 08:17

Genius Midgbabe!

A shoes on in the house vs shoes off fight scene, all dramatic lighting and effects. Or could work equally well with toilet brushes, like a sword fight.

Warmhandscoldheart · 21/10/2019 08:22

@HerculesTheBercules
😂😂 brilliant

Only Biscuit to be sold the performance

Warmhandscoldheart · 21/10/2019 08:23

At the performance

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 21/10/2019 08:27

Can we have giant camera flashes intermittently throughout the performance where all actors Stop point and ask what’s that-And one replys “oh just the daily mail” and then play resumes

ChilliMayo · 21/10/2019 08:31

Enters stage left, wanders nonchalantly around pecking at the set, exits stage right with a cluck......The Mumsnet Chicken.

00100001 · 21/10/2019 08:35

At the beginning, the lights would go down, the audience hushes, ad a rings out across the theatre

MangoSalsa · 21/10/2019 08:44

Cock Lodger sung to the tune of Rock Lobster by the B52s.

We met at a party
I fell for him so deep
I reached out and grabbed him
He’s a cock lodger
Cock lodger
Cock lodger
Cock lodger
Cock lodger

His cock fits my clam
He’s nowhere to stay though
Says he’s in a jam
He’s a cock lodger
Cock lodger
Cock lodger
Cock lodger
Cock lodger

He’s doesn’t share the bills
Or get shopping in
Doesn’t pick his socks up
Says I’m fucking dim
Spends his time on x-box
Gives me my fill though
He’s a cock lodger
Cock lodger
Cock lodger
Cock lodger
Cock lodger

My friends say lose the bastard
I deserve a better man
Never mind your fanjo
Cock lodger’s got to go
He’s a cock lodger
Cock lodger
Cock lodger
Cock lodger
Cock lodger

FavouriteSong · 21/10/2019 09:30

There would have to be an Oliver Twist type scene with a gaggle of Mumsnet beggars singing about having no friends or family and no leccy and no money and no, they can't take in ironing. The backdrop could feature their PayPal details.

00100001 · 21/10/2019 09:36

@FavouriteSong

Olivia Twist: Please sir...can I have some more?
MN Cook: Mooore?
Olivia Twist:
MN Cook: OF COURSE, We have the MAGICAL MN Chicken.... there's always plenty to go round and feed 200 orphans for weeks!

spiderlight · 21/10/2019 09:51

@rugbychick1 - Janet and Roy.

There would need to be an intermission with people coming down the aisle selling PomBears.

ChocoChunk1 · 21/10/2019 09:54

There should be an OW storyline and a penis cup bombshell.

00100001 · 21/10/2019 10:05

@FavouriteSong

For you r scene it's the "Who will buuuuuy" song

Who will buy my kids some presents?
I've not got a penny.
Who will buy my kids some presents?
I've not got a penny.
Who will buy my kids some presents?
I've not got a penny.
Who will buy my kids some presents?
I've not got a penny.

Will you buy my kid some toys today mistress?
Any toys today, mistress?
Who will buy my kids some presents?
Any toys today, mistress?
I've not got a penny
ME! What about ME?
ME! What about ME?
ME! What about ME?
Any toys today, mistress?"
Who will buy my kids some presents?
Piiiie, I need Piiie
Any pie to buy?
Piiiie, I need Piiie
Any pie you can buy?
Who will buy?
Who will buy?
Who will buy?
Who will buy?
Who will buy?

Original poster
sashh · 21/10/2019 10:07

I thought it was Brian from Hull.

OMG I am so impressed with the songs, I knew you lot would work with this.

As well as the diagrams flashing up the London tube map can also pop up with a circle round random stations.

'T rexing' would be a dance routine.

Someone with a pram and someone in a wheelchair can have a fight over the last parking space, in the end they will both loose out to a goat.

OP posts:
FavouriteSong · 21/10/2019 10:12

What about an x-rated scene where someone gets their tits out on the bus? The bus scene could include a pram vs wheelchair standoff in the background and a mournful chorus of 'won't somebody think about the children?'

00100001 · 21/10/2019 10:20

oh, and you can have Performance Parent on that same bus going
"OHHHHH, Calculus, can SEE the POSTBOX? What Colour is it Calculus? RED,. that;'s right, you're so clever!! that;s where the postPERSON, collects all the post" as she looks around for approval.
SHe discovers she is surrounded by eye-rolling passengers
Except that one person who says "I am wilfully and deliberately misunderstanding the term PPing. That parent clearly is just talking to their child because they love them more than you love your own."

DarkerShrimpVase · 21/10/2019 10:29

Also needs a song called I expected more for my birthday. Someone turning 34 who only got taken out to a one star restaurant and given £50 cash, who feels hard done by.

BritishHorrorStory · 21/10/2019 10:41

These replies are brilliant. I love the Jolene Justine song 😂 I hope this thread goes on so it goes in classics.

Is anyone else seeing adverts on here for Alexandra Burke in "The Bodyguard - The Musical" because of this thread? Maybe that could be another scene, MNers rallying around and supporting an OP when going to visit a nasty, unreasonable MIL (who turns out to be perfectly normal and nice)?

@Redshoesandtheblues
Oh, and shout..cheeky fucker....at appropriate times.

Another song! Instead of "Uncle Fucker" from South Park, it could be Cheeky Fucker. "Shut your fucking face, cheeky fucker! You're a piss-taking, shit-starting cheeky fucker!"

Seriously, let's make this happen. I'm not really that good at acting but I'll happily paint scenery or be an extra if needed.

NightLion · 21/10/2019 11:01

Lolololo! Too funny @HerculesTheBercules and @MangoSalsa

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