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Original poster

Should I let him stay?

88 replies

Rawhimann · 13/10/2019 12:49

Name changed as don't won't this thread to follow me around.

I'm a single mum to a 1 yearold boy. Younger brother is in prison as he assaulted someone whilst he was drunk. I've been visiting him and the last time he visits he asked if he can stay with me and son as our parents have said he cant stay with them. I've told him I'll think about it but he gets released this week and I don't know.

Advice please.

OP posts:

AnneLovesGilbert · 13/10/2019 12:51

quincejamplease · 13/10/2019 12:52

PumpkinKing · 13/10/2019 13:03

No. If your parents don't want him there why would you? You have a child to think about. I wouldn't allow a violent drunk around my children.

Original poster

Rawhimann · 13/10/2019 13:07

He said he won't drink again and i feel a bit sorry for him as he doesn't have anywhere to stay

OP posts:

SparklyMagpie · 13/10/2019 13:11

Not a chance

SparklyMagpie · 13/10/2019 13:11

And he should have thought about that before he committed a crime shouldn't he

Didums

Singlenotsingle · 13/10/2019 13:16

Point him in the direction of the local YMCA. Or social services, or any local hostels. I'm afraid your main responsibility is to your DC, and you can't let this troublemaker in your house. Bad things will follow him around.

fedup21 · 13/10/2019 13:19

No, I wouldn’t but I would tell him now not wait till he is released!

PumpkinKing · 13/10/2019 13:23

Tough shit really. As PP said, he should have thought about the consequences before getting so drunk he assaulted someone. Your priority is your DC. I can understand he's your brother and you feel for him not having anywhere to go, but those consequences are all of his own doing. Your DC is more important than housing a criminal.

june2007 · 13/10/2019 13:26

Well I would let him but make sure he is aware of boundaries. I mean he hasn,t assaulted you or the child. And peopple do stuipid things when drunk.

timshelthechoice · 13/10/2019 13:29

NO. Not at all safe for your child. I'd tell him no now.

WifOfBif · 13/10/2019 13:31

Nope. I imagine he will have some sort of probation? Wouldn’t they be duty bound to report that you have him living with you if he is violent and/or dependant on alcohol?

Hidingtonothing · 13/10/2019 13:32

Why have your parents said no? Was the incident he went to prison for a one off or part of a pattern of behaviour from him? Ultimately your DS has to come first, if there's any risk to him, or DB has an unsuitable lifestyle for your DS to witness then it would be a flat no from me. Don't be guilted into something you know is not right for DS and answer any and all criticism or attempts to persuade you with 'I have to do what's best for my son'.

helpmum2003 · 13/10/2019 13:35

You are risking being seen as a mother who doesn't safeguard her child. I know you are trying to help your brother but your responsibility is to your son. I would also have concerns about the suitability of your brother as a role model.

Bouffalant · 13/10/2019 13:38

No.

Original poster

Rawhimann · 13/10/2019 13:43

I don't know why my parents said no as he was living there previously. It was a one off.

OP posts:

justthecat · 13/10/2019 13:46

No, ask your parents why they won’t have him

ControversialFerret · 13/10/2019 13:48

I suspect that this is not a one-off and that there's a steady track record of bad behaviour, which is why your parents have said no.

You have a small child and a duty to safeguard them. There are support agencies that your brother can engage with but you need to tell him now, so that he has a chance to make alternative arrangements.

SparklyMagpie · 13/10/2019 13:50

You know what exactly, the points made about safeguarding issues...I wouldn't be risking anything having him with my son

Fairenuff · 13/10/2019 13:51

It will be because he trampled their boundaries.

No, no and no again. More fool you if you take him on.

Original poster

Rawhimann · 13/10/2019 14:02

I think my parents arnt letting him as he wouldn't be able to give them money as he won't have a job.

OP posts:

Elieza · 13/10/2019 14:20

To be jailed he must have done this before or it must have been very serious. You don’t get jailed on a whim. Jail is expensive for the taxpayer.

That’s therefore worrying he got jailed

Speak to your parents. Perhaps they are trying to teach him a life lesson of grow up you lazy feckless manchild and get a damn job and stop spending what should be digs money on alcohol which causes you to get jailed. You taking him in could mess up this strategy. Perhaps they are right.

If he had no money for them he will have no money for you you will be feeding him your food with money meant for you and your child.

Would he enrich your life in any way? Would you trust him alone with your child if he wanted to childmind during the day for you to go to work or something? Would you feel your child was safe with him? Would your dc’s dad have concerns about a violent man with a jail sentence behind him living in the same house as dc. Would social work have concerns? Would you be at risk of a revenge attack from a person/people he injured in a bar fight or whatever got him the jail.
What happens when your child is crying, he’s had a few cans and it would see he has anger issues brought on with drink. He starts shouting at you to stop the little one crying it’s been going on for ages I don’t care if she’s I’ll she’s too noisy blah de blah. You know yourself constant crying drives even the most loving mum to distraction, and he’s only her uncle.

You have to put your child first.
Lots to think about.
Forgive me if I have misread anything. I could be mikes from the truth. Just thinking of all I can to help OP.

DianaT1969 · 13/10/2019 14:33

Did he assault a woman? Domestic violence? Like another poster I'm surprised he got a custodial sentence for a first time offence.

timshelthechoice · 13/10/2019 14:41

I can't believe you're even considering this. You have a child whose safety is paramount. He won't respect boundaries that's why he's in prison. Your folks have probably had enough of him. He can get UC and give them digs money, but he won't.

BeesKnees4 · 13/10/2019 14:45

NO. Not at all safe for your child. I'd tell him no now.
Her brother fighting drunk on I presume a night out has what to do living with his young nephew?
I honestly don’t think the pp on here would do half the things they suggest on MN.
If it’s a first offence and he’s determined to make a fresh start then he deserves a chance, would pp ostracise their son, brother, partner?

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